June 2010 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Combining finances
For you ladies that talked about combining with your husbands in the married life thread I have a nosey question.
Are you totally combined or do you still hold your own bank account with some money for just in case? J & I are switching banks & getting a joint account but I am also getting an account of my own to stash away some money.
Yes we're married & its our money now, but I would also like to have some money of just my own in case the worst ever happens.
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Re: Combining finances
We have one combined savings and one combined checking. All of our paychecks, etc go into it and all of our bills get paid out of it. I recently put his name on the account (before it was just my name even though all of our money went into it) but he doesn't have the password to the online banking. Mostly because he wouldn't ever check it and I handle the money.
DH does have an account at his electrical union's bank. They take money out of his paycheck each week to go in there, but it's only enough to pay for his union class tution and books.
My Planning Bio
H and I have been seeing a pre-marital counselor since about 3 months before our wedding, and he's amazing! Especially when it comes to the advice that he gives us re: finances. He said that the WORST cases of infidelity have been over finances, way more than sexual. He said that transparency is the most important part of finances, in a marriage. He actually just gave us a diagram to show how the finances should work. He said that if we wanted to have separate accounts, it should be like for our own spending money. He said that it should be an account that goes to $0, monthly or bi-weekly. He said that it shouldn't be an account to "store" money - that a joint savings account is what that is for; he had an example of a couple that, for years and years, either the H or the W saved all of that money but never said anything - and it got close to $25,000; the problem was that they fell on some REAL hard financial times and that person kept mum about the money they were hoarding.
Just some information. Not saying this is the way to do it, just relaying what he's said. I realize this won't work for everyone.
For us, we're going to combine accounts and soon. We've just been so busy that we haven't had the time to do it.
Finally...we are Mr. & Mrs.!!! WooHoo!!!
Planning Bio
Married Bio (Work In Progress)
We have separate bank accounts and actually don't have both of our names on anything financial related. H has horrible credit and my dad advised that we keep our names separate so that when we try to buy a house we can try to depend on my credit and clean history.
We split everything up evenly and he pays his bills and I pay mine. If someone is short then the other helps cover it. It's been working for us, however it's not an ideal situation.
Married
Taking Control:Updated 1/7
We have a joint account where most of our money goes. We each have access to it through online banking, checks and debit card.
We also have our own accounts for our own personal spending money. We each get a certain amount a month for "fun money" to spend however we want -- and if we decide we want to save it up and spend it on something big for ourselves, we can. That way, we don't have to police each other's spending when it comes to going out with friends, buying clothes or toys, etc.
Planning Bio - Woefully out of date
we've had joint accts for ~3 yrs now. we opened them when we started dating and moved in together- it just worked better for us that way. all our income is combined and we sit down monthly to work out a budget and go over finances.
we do have separate accts for our "play" money and we each get the same amount put into them. it works really well when we buy each other bday gifts and don't want to other to know.:)
when we have kids and DH is the sole income, we'll set up an acct in my name only where a portion of each paycheck gets deposited. this is so that if anything were to happen between us, i wouldn't be jobless and completely broke. sounds harsh, but we like to be realists.
We have a joint savings. But I take my check and depoist it into there, and H transfers it to his checking to pay all the bills, rent, and ect. We no longer have student loans,a nd all other bills are combinded.
Thank you! This is exactly why Im having my own account. I too like to be realistic & I've heard way too many stories about wives that cant survive a split because they had no control over money. J will know where its going, he will be the one giving it to me, it wont be a secret & it will be my stash for just in case someday things turn sour.
We have a joint savings and checking account from which we pay most of the bills from. I have 2 of my own checking accounts, one of which I need to close out. One of them was a savings account which I closed and transfered the money to my checking. After reading through some of the posts, I realized it might have been a not so good move on my part.
I think I might open a new savings account with just my name on it for emergency money.
we have our own accounts where all of our money is direct-deposited, and we're secondary account holders on the checking (in case of emergency). but neither of us can see the savings. He has two bank accounts (he's currently switching over to my CU) and i have a debit card for that account, but i dont carry it.
i have no desire to combine finances. i don't need to see everything DH does with the money he makes to trust him that way. plus, every middle aged married (and divorced/remarried) woman i've ever met told me not to combine finances (completely). i took the advice of seasoned veterans.
whatever blows your hair back.
Amanda Williams Photography
i see your point and im not disagreeing with you, but out of curiosity, what happens if you're both not working?
DH and i combined everything because we were living off one income. (he worked while i was in school with a few odd jobs, but nothing near what he was bringing in. now im the sole income.) for us, i don't see it working any other way.
"Everything will be alright in the end. So if it's not alright, it is not yet the end."
"She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time." The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Me:28 DH:28 TTC since 1/11 Dx: unexplained IF/early DOR
Feb'12- Clomid/TI with CD3 &21 labs(normal)& SA-count 6mil/ml,morph/motil OK-BFN
April'12 Ultrasounds,HSG -clear, slight acurate uterus
5/14 IUI #1-50 mg clomid-post wash total motile count 19.3 prometrium 2dpiui= BFN
6/11-IUI #2-100 mg clomid & prometrium post wash count total motile 17.5 = BFN
7/6 IUI#3 with 100 mg clomid, estridiol, prometrium. post wash total motile count 23.3 = BFN
8/30IVF#1 BCPs, Follistim, Menopur,Ganerelix,Novarel.
ER 9/11-8R, 7M, 5F.
ET 9/14 2 embies transferred. 1 10cell Grade 4, 1 8cell Grade 4. No frosties. BFN
IVF#2 BCPs, Follistim, Menopur, Ganerelix, Novarel, Baby Aspirin
ER 12/5-16R, 12M, 8F!
ET 12/10 5dt! 1 fully expanded blast & 1 early blast. No frosties. BFN
2/13- Saline sono revealed a polyp. All additional labwork coming back normal. Genetic screen revealed DH has MTHFR deficiency & I am a carrier for it.
3/13 hysteroscopy & polypectomy
next up-Reproductive immunologist Appt 3/27, cycling in may?
Here Comes the Sun Blog
PAIF/SAIF welcome!
yea see their advice was to work. mcdonalds, target, part time, full time, whatever. make money, was basically their point. kids or no kids, school or no school, there shouldn't be extended periods of time (like, 2+ years) where you aren't at least trying to bring in money. a big part of that was because you need a safety net in case someone gets laid off, also because if you are in a situation where youneed that extra money being out of the work force for any amount of time can #1. make it so much harder to get a job when you absolutely need it, #2. it lowers your earning potential since your "last pay rate" was zero. #3. retirement. retirement.retirement.retirement.
example: my mother has a highschool diploma. she worked without stopping. she make more money than my dad who has a degree.
my MIL stopped working when she had kids- a good 7 years. she makes maybe 60% of what my mother makes. she has a degree. and three jobs.
it's a whole "no matter how much of a team you are in the end you are the only one who can take care of yourself the way you need it" theory.
but like i said: whatever blows your hair back.
Amanda Williams Photography
agreed