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Death in the family, questions, maybe legal nesties help?
Hey ladies..
We suffered a very tragic and sudden loss of my cousin yesterday. My head is spinning a bit, so I am sorry if this isn't very clear - I didn't get more than a few hours sleep last night.
My cousin was unmarried and basically on disability because she suffered from lupus. She has literally zero assets. My aunt, a single mother, isn't in a fantastic financial position either, as she has been helping support 2 of her 3 grown daughters, one of which contracted a severe case of encephalitis as a child and now takes daily medication to prevent seizures, and also my cousin, now deceased, with lupus.
My question - this is where the legal nesties might help - is that I am wondering if there is a way to set up a fund at a local bank, that instead of flowers, people can deposit money in to help with the costs of her cremation and funeral. Is this something we would need a lawyer for, or is it something that we can call the bank to set up? I told my aunt that I would look into this for her, and I know I can call a bank, but I'm not quite ready to do that this morning. I know I've seen people have things like this in the obituaries, but I don't know how a person goes about taking care of this and I don't know what situations this would be appropriate in.
jack | born 9.13.12 at 40w4d | 9 lbs 12 oz | 23 in
my puppy loves - chloe & jenson
pregnancy blog | chart
Re: Death in the family, questions, maybe legal nesties help?
You don't need a lawyer to set up a memorial fund. All you need to do is go talk to the bank of your choice and talk to a banker or the bank manager.
I used to work for WF and people just came in.
Sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I haven't personally done it, but what PP said would be correct.
Nicole and Sam 10/3/09
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So sorry, Anita, for your loss.
As for a fund/memorial - I would think simply contacting the bank would suffice. OR, you could put something in the obituary about "in lieu of flowers, donations to a memorial fund (or fund to support the family) are greatly appreciated" - and people will just send the money directly to your Aunt. (*of course this is assuming they know her address - if you are looking for donations from a wider pool of people, this may not work as well).
It sounds crass, I know, to accept checks directly, but when something like this happens, people want to reach out and help in any way possible - and sometimes when it is more personal and not a cold bank building, people will give more.
When my mom died, my father decided to set up a scholarship in her name at the local university. He set up the scholarship structure and such with the university, but all donations came directly to him - I can't tell you how touching it was so see people give so generously to help my mom's legacy live on. I think we recieved close to $25,000! Plus matching gifts from my father's old employer . . . there is now a $2500+ annual scholarship with my mother's name going to graduate students in the Communicative Discorders program at the local Univ. Pretty cool that so much good can come from so much sadness!
Anyhow - my point was - besides the employer matching gift, we didn't do anything but recieve checks at our home - and then deposit them into a generic bank account. I think that people tended to give more because they could send a check in a card, write something about my mother, and know that we were reading it directly and seeing their gift directly - not on some balance sheet printed up at the bank. Plus they didn't have to haul themselves down to the bank and figure out how to donate . . . writing checks and mailing them is simply easier.
And really - whether it was a crinkled $5 bill from an old student or a check for $1000 from family friends - it all was so touching and really personal. I sometimes think getting a bank involved sterilzes it and makes it more about money and less about the memory of the person
Whatever you decide to do - good luck. It is truly a testament to your cousin - and to yourself - that you want to do such tasks during this difficuilt time.
so sorry Anita..
thinking of you and your family.
Thank you all, for your kind words. It's been a rollercoaster day - not even 24 hours!
My big, irish (mostly catholic) family is really coming together to help my aunt figure things out. Such a tough thing to go through... but we are delegating different responsibilities so that my aunt is burdened with everything. I am so thankful that for as large of a clan that we are, we are all so incredibly close. It makes this easier.
I called US Bank on lunch, and they told me I needed to call the IRS to get a business tax ID number, and they need that before they can set anything up. Does that seem strange? It seems like a lot of hoops to jump through.
I think we might just put something along the lines of what razamataz said. My aunt, honestly, can't afford the entire cost of a funeral (around 10k!! can you believe that?), but setting up a business tax ID seems way too complicated and will only serve as a painful reminder of my cousin's death once tax time rolls around and my aunt now has a "business" to deal with. If people care to pitch in, it might be easiest to just have them send it to my aunt directly so she can use the funds where she needs them. I appreciate the advice you all have regarding this.
Thankfully, my workday (on about 3 hrs of sleep!) is almost over, so I'll be able to go and be with my family.
jack | born 9.13.12 at 40w4d | 9 lbs 12 oz | 23 in
my puppy loves - chloe & jenson
pregnancy blog | chart
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I would suggest contacting either a locally based bank or credit union (they will be much more accommodating in this time than a big national bank) or speak with the funeral home about setting up the memorial fund.
Not the funeral home we used when my dad died in June. It was more like, "okay now that we've gone over the checklist of music, flowers, programs, casket, etc., will that be cash or charge?" Seriously, same day. Pay it or we'll just shred the last hour of paperwork we've been doing.
And yes, in my experience, most people just give money to the family unless something else is specified. We did get a few random donations to various charities but the majority, if anything was specified, said "as the family wishes."
So sorry for your loss.