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back-peddling to ILs = not fun
So my ILs will be visiting from England in September (whole second half of the month). Fun . . .
They normally do their own thing during the week and we see them occassionally for dinner and then we all do something on the weekends - usually only for part of it as my MIL gets exhausted easily. Not too bad - I can grin and bear it for two weeks out of 52, right?
Well, yesterday DH was on the phone with them and mentioned a couple of our friends would also be visiting from England at that time (she is originally from here and they are bringing their new baby back to meet people/be christened in her family church). DH also said that we were all (supposedly ILs included) going down to Southern MN for the christening - which is the first weekend of IL's visit.
Ummm, not so fast!! DH and I are invited to the christening, but ILs, even though they know the people, are not. I had thought to try to get them invited too but decided against that and DH knew this - so why he suggested they tag along I have no idea.
This gets MIL all upset because she doesn't want to go but doesn't want to create drama (oh whatever, she loves drama!) and doesn't like that we are choosing friends over family. I have explained to DH multiple times that it would be maybe half a day and that we could still do plenty with his parents for the rest of the day - but he neglected tell his parents this so now they are thinking that I am dragging DH away from them to spend time with my friend (DH is also friends with her husband, but she and I are closer). So yeah, this makes me appear as an awful daughter-in-law. Niiiiice.
THEN - because I'm not already enough in the dog-house, DH tells his parents that because my sister is due to have a baby in early September, I might be flying out to spend time with her while ILs are here! What?!?! I have told DH numerous times that while I would love to see my sister and new neice, I have no plans to go visit her - especially while his parents are here.
So now, I am the DIL who is spending one weekend with friends instead of ILs and flying out of town the other weekend to see my sister!! I only wish I could do all this, but no, I am being a dutiful daughter-in-law and showing my ILs around town, cooking for them, and putting on the most annoyingly sweet smile while they drive me up the wall! But now on top of all that, I have to do damage control for what DH said and assure my ILs that I do not have plans to flee and of course I would rather be with them than my friends and family. Ugh.
Does your DH ever say things to his parents in casual conversation that then makes you have to do damage-control and image repair? Seriously - I know he was just trying to convey to his parents that September is a busy month for us, but why oh why did he have to imply that I wasn't going to be around for their visit? He knows how his mother gets - that she frets and pouts and threatens to cancel the trip at the slightest sign that there is conflict . . .
ugh. ugh ugh. I am not looking forward to trying to dig us out of this hole during our Sunday afternoon phone call!
Re: back-peddling to ILs = not fun
Andy used to do that kind of thing all the time - he would mention things to his mom about plans that we *might* make, but they weren't set plans at all. Then his mom would think that the plans are set in stone when really they were just things that we had brought up as possible plans.
Having Andy make any plans with his mom was just causing confusion. Now, his mom and I talk things over when making plans to get together, and that runs much more smoothly. Things don't get mixed up anymore now that I'm the one who communicates with his mom about plans.
As for your situation, it seems like you can reassure your MIL that you won't be leaving to visit your sister during her visit and that will go a long way. If you tell MIL that you will plan to see your sister later so that you don't miss any of MIL's visit, you'll earn brownie points for making MIL the priority.
For the christening, explain that it will only take a portion of the day. Perhaps make some suggestions of things you can do with MIL when you are done with the christening event so she knows you're serious about making time for her on that day, even though you're not willing to give up attending the christening.
Just straighten it out sooner rather than later when things get more confusing and MIL has more time to be mad about things that aren't even true!
Mr. Sammy Dog