July 2010 Weddings
saisongbird
member
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
You made my wedding day complete.
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Need some serious advice - $$ related
I've posted an update - and I ended up having to do nothing. Thanks for the advice ladies.
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
You made my wedding day complete.
Re: Need some serious advice - $$ related
I 100% agree with Deb. I wouldn't agree to change it. I think if you just talk it out with your dad, he'll understand that what he's asking of you is not only rude, but selfish of him.
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I love you, Daddy...2/24/1953 to 2/13/2011
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I guess it also depends on YOUR relationship with your father. My parents have given me the world, so if that were me in that situation, I would give my dad whatever he wanted, because in the end, he'd probably use it to help pay for my down payment on the house. I definitely think you should receive what was last stated as divisions and I do agree with a lot of the pp's.
Why don't you see what he plans on spending it on first? Am I wrong to think that maybe he wants to help you out with the house, but wants the pride of being able to say he helped too? Or maybe set up a trust for you?
July 10, 2010 Best. Day. Of. Life.
I think I would have to ask my dad, why he wants it reversed. Is he hard up on finances? If he were going to turn around and give it to you anyway, what's the point of changing anything?
i would have to agree with the majority, this is how your grandpa left his will and it is how it should be upheld.
This is a toughie... situations like this are never fun. I do agree mostly with the other ladies. However, I think that dmorris also raises a good point. My dad would give me many things, if he could. He wants what is best for me. I think that maybe you should talk to your dad and try to find out why he thinks he should have the money. Perhaps, he still wants to use it to help you and your new husband. Does he know that you are planning on using the money as a down payment?
On the other hand, if he really has no good reason for asking for the money, than his doing so was rather rude and in bad taste. He should honor what your grandpa wrote in his will, regardless of the reasons why. Plus, he should want to see you and your husband are off to a good and stable start. gl!!
my read shelf:
Books read in 2011: 32 of 75
What a crappy situation for you to be in! My first thought is what PPs have mentioned - why is you dad asking you for money? I would want to find that answer before deciding anything.
Agreeing with dmorris, my parents have given me so much (most recently, a beautiful wedding!) so I would probably agree, as long as the reason he wanted it was "because it should be his" or something like that.
I think that you should be open and honest with everyone involved so that no one ends up holding a grudge against you, no matter what you decide.
First off, I would like to say I am so sorry you have been placed in this situation. I agree with pp's and talk to your dad about why he is asking for the money and let him and everyone else involved in the situation know what you had planned with the money. As a newlywed and as family members, I hope that they understand your situation and everything is worked out without any ruined or tainted relationships!
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What an awful, awkward situation. I hate dealing with money issues with family. It's always such a tough situtaion to deal with. I'm sorry this is stressing you out.
If I were you, I'd be curious about why he wants to change it. If he just wants more money for a three month tour of asia, that's one thing. If he is suffering financially, that is a different situation. I don't think anyone listed in the trust should agree or disagree to any changes without first hearing out his intentions and reasonings-- including you. I'd start by having an open and honest conversation with him. Tell him you were planning on using your grandpas money to purchase a home and starting your own family. See what reasons he has for striking down this idea. Ultimately I don't think sacraficing a relationship with your father is worth the money in the long run, but you shouldn't just agree to what he wants just becuase he says so.
Good luck, and keep us posted!