Sex & Romance
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
about that great night....
So i'm a virgin...and will remain that way untill the big night...
Question: i've heard that this first time is really painful...how true is that?
And if it's true.. are there ways to ease the pain..?
Any other tips for that big night?
Re: about that great night....
I was a virgin until my wedding night also just over a month ago. It does hurt! To the point where about the second he entered I started crying and he had to pull out. But we did manage it. We went slowly and we moved around a bit to find an angle that worked better for me. The pain will not go away for a few days (atleast for me) but it does lesson. Also you will probably bleed. In friends experience it has been from 3 days to a week, so make sure you are both not grossed out by that. Put a towel down if you can just incase.
Honestly on my big night, my husband got flack for being on facebook by 8:00pm (we had a noon wedding) because I was crashed in the bedroom. I was so sleepy on our big night that we made love for the first time and I slept the night away!
Good luck. Remember this is a learning process...you don't come out of the gate knowing what to do. It does not look anything like you have seen in romance movies! find what you both like and try it. And don't be do dissappointed if you don't experiance climax immediatly.
Eh, sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn't. You have to make sure that you are really ready and turned on when you actually get to penetration. And reconcile yourself with the fact that you might not have sex on your actual wedding night. That is a whole lotta pressure after all that you have been through on that day. So, as I am sure others will tell you: relax, have fun and lube! Hurrah for lube...
The mentioned pain varies per person. Mine was not bad, a brief spasm. It was not some horrific ordeal. Lots of touching, exploring with fingers and lips will help you be more relaxed and naturally lubricated beforehand. Comparing my first time to what it was like the following nights I'd have to say the first time was a rather weird feeling. Def, DEF worth that first time!!
Have some lube on hand for some 'mental backup'.. Just enjoy each other and have some really good foreplay before the grand entry. Throw a towel down if you are that worried about wet spots or blood.
If both of you are exhausted then it's no big deal if it's decided to just curl up and relax together. Wedding nights carry a ton of unrealistic expectations to perform like epic love novels or porn star movies. Realize this is you and him finding out what each other likes and sharing. It's not a competition to see how fast he can make you come or how many times you can do it before sunrise.
DH and I were virgins until our wedding night, which was two months ago, so I know how you are feeling. I was freaking out about it, because I was worried about how much it would hurt, but just take it slow. Spend as much time as you need on foreplay to make sure that you are as ready as possible before you start, and when you start be sure you use plenty of lube and take your time! He should be able to go as slow as you need him to so that you can feel as little pain as possible. Yes, it hurt for me, but it wasn't so painful that we couldn't follow through. Just take a deep breath and focus on the good feelings, because if you focus on the idea that it's going to hurt, you will tense up, and it will only be worse. Also, communication is key, of course. Don't be afraid to tell him if he is going too fast, or hurting you. It won't ruin the mood, I promise.
Good luck!
Listen to this:
http://sexisfun100.blogspot.com/2007/11/sif-94-how-to-make-losing-your.html
Also, if you're going to insist on waiting until your wedding night to lose your virginity (biting my tongue, biting my tongue!), I would stop referring to it as "that great night." You'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who would describe their first sexual experience as great, so you're likely setting yourself up for a major letdown. Let it be what it is.
I too, was a virgin till my wedding night. Things to remember:
1. Make it fun, laugh! Be silly with each other rather than get awkward and worried that something isn't working.
2. Don't have any expectations other than you two will do your best to make it intimate. It will be how it's suppose to be. Don't be disappointed if it's not what you think.
3. Lots of lube, go slow and LOTS of communication!
I look back to our wedding night, and I have no regrets. Though it's nothing like now, it was still beautiful and incredible. It can and will be an amazing experience if you let it be. Thought it hurt, my DH was great at listening to everything and we had a fabulous time.
Oh and yes the wedding night you feel very exhausted (at least I did) from the day's events, so you'll even notice it's more exciting during the honeymoon because you'll be more rested and not so worried for the unknown!
Good luck!
This. I too will bite my tongue.
Anyway, I don't even remember my first time (19yrs ago*I'm 34 now*) let alone the first time with my first husband. Nor do I even remember the sex dh and I had on our wedding night (that was just a little over two years ago).
Sex is just sex. Yeah it's great especially when done often
but it's not the end all and be all of a relationship. A true marriage is way more in depth than just sex so really, it's no big thing don't psych youself out over it. Have fun, use some lube, explore and let it be what it is.
Just on a personal note. Although I am kind of a nympho and so is dh. Honestly, some of my favorite most memorable times are when he and I just snuzzel up together. I don't know why but there is just something about that closeness that really hits home with me. Maybe it's cause he's big (6'2' and muscular but pudgie if that makes sense) and I'm little (5ft even and skinny) but he's like my (he'd hate if he knew I was saying this) teddy bear and he makes me feel safe.
Kristi and Kerry June 21,2008
I wasn't very experienced when I had sex with my now husband, we were dating and he was my first. Anyway, I had it built up so big but in the end it was sweet, a little awkward but didn't hurt at all and there was absolutely no blood. *my tongue is bleeding from biting it as well but good for you if the decision to wait is something that was important to you but be prepared that waiting to have sex until your wedding night can introduce problems later on if the communication between you and your future husband isn't solid* Sometimes I think people who describe they first time as a terrible pain are exaggerating a little because the majority of my friends report that their first experiences were pain free.
Both my H and I were virgins until we got married.
It can hurt but how much varies woman to woman.
Relax, go slow, communicate and use lube.
My sister freaked me out about how much it would hurt for the first month of marriage the day after I got engaged. Pretty awesome way to congratulate someone.
For me personally it only really hurt the first time. Throughout my first week of marriage it hurt less and less as my H and I figured out what worked for us.
I think you and your future DH have made a beautiful, loving choice to save yourselves for each other alone. It is so rare these days for people to have that kind of self-control and patience. Good for you guys! My DH and I had our first kiss at the "you may now kiss the bride" and waited to make love until the morning after our wedding. Three years and going strong!
You have received lots of great advice from the ladies here about communication, having fun, and being prepared with lube. My only additional advice is to get a few different kinds of lube, because you don't know what you'll like best until you've tried a few kinds! I recommend the KY that comes in a spritz bottle... less mess.
Good luck with your wedding (and everything else)!!
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Like everyone is saying it varies from person to person.
Do you use tampons/have you ever been able to successfully insert one? Can you insert a finger/s? If you can't do either of these you probably will experience pain being that a penis is bigger than either of these. To prepare yourself you could start practicing with a Q-tip and see if you can eventually work your way up to a finger or tampon.
Your nerves will affect the experience too. Based on your post you seem more excited than anything else so you will probably be ok. Stay relaxed and enjoy the experience, if you tense up it'll make things uncomfortable. And use lube!!
Also, nobody warned me that when semen goes in, it also comes out! So be prepared for the mess afterwards. Maybe keep a towel or washcloth ready by the bed to tuck between your thighs for the semen leaking out and remember to pee fairly soon afterwards to prevent UTIs.
Completely agree!