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Ugh...not baby mama drama again... (long vent, sorry)
So, I'm having mixed feelings about baby mama drama that jake is dealing with tonight (for the first time in awhile)...not sure if I'm being selfish or even wrong for giving my suggestions for resolutions to the issue.
Jake went through a pseudo custody battle that ended about a year ago (his daughter is now 14) after his daughter's mom threw his daughter out of the house on a 20 degree morning into over a foot of snow. (his daughter lives in Pittsburgh) So, the judge and children and youth (CYS) effed all of it up and actually still gave the mom her wishes of letting his daughter live with a friend of hers....and to make a long story short...after 7 months of Jake driving back and forth to Pgh. for court hearings, etc., Jake finally withdrew his petition for custody allowing his daughter to live with the friend (because they were all in cahoots and jake didn't want his daughter coming here and self-sabotaging herself or all of us because she didn't get her way....and he was dragged through a nasty custody battle as a kid and always told me he never wanted to do that to his daughter).....and because he was giving all of them what they wanted, the mom would stop child support (she told the judge that it wasn't about the money after Jake raised that issue with the judge). So, surprisingly, she signed the court document saying that if he let his daughter stay in pgh, then she wouldn't ask for any more child support. well, about a month after the two of them signed this agreement in front of the judge, all of teh sudden his daughter is back living with her mom because the friend doesn't want to deal with the drama from the mom....mom went back to CYS and a new case worker who took them in front of a new judge and the judge said it's fine for her to be back with her mom. no, he didn't go back and fight again because we figured as long as she's doing okay in school (one of the most important things we stressed to her) and as long as there aren't any "abusive" issues with her mom, then he's *okay* with her being there.
(I guess I should give some background to put some things in perspective...baby mama has 2 kids - 1 by jake and a son by another dude now in NC. she never pursued child support for the son, but has always taken jake to the cleaners every chance she gets. he's been paying $500 a month in child support since his daughter was little. i understand that doesn't sound like much, but for him to be paying that much when she's living in HUD housing and paying practically nothing for rent, on food stamps, etc., please tell me why he's the one covering the bills for the entire household, when his responsibility is only to make sure that his daughter's basic needs are met. and he's always done the over-the-top christmas thing and having her with him all summer and usually over christmas break - regular visitation is somewhat difficult between richmond and pittsburgh. oh, and when this whole court thing went down after she kicked the kids out of the house...the dad of the son went to pgh to get his kid - just like jake did - and she went into the courthouse and immediately signed custody over to him....but she wouldn't sign custody of jake's daughter over to him.)
Anyway, since the agreement was signed, Jake has been putting half of the money that he's always paid for child support in a savings account, so that when she graduates from high school and needs some money, he can hand her a check saying - "here you go, here's where your child support money went for all those years...I wasn't ignoring you or not thinking about your future...and I love you (despite what your mother tells you about me being a bad father)."
So, as we could kinda predict, now with the beginning of school coming, the mom is trying to tell jake that since his daughter now has her own bank account that the mom doesn't have access to, that he should be sending his daughter money every month. so, he reminded her of their agreement and now she wants to threaten that their agreement is null and void because his daughter is back living with her. so, she essentially said that if he won't put money ($200) in his daughter's account every month, then she'll go back to the court and file for reinstatement of child support.
Here's my resolution: put the money in her account with the understanding that she's going to save money and also have some spending money. and here are my reasons: (1) honestly, i'm tired of the whole ridiculousness of baby mama manipulation and if he just does it then she'll shut the eff up, (2) if the judge does reinstate child support it could be for a lot more than the $500 he was originally paying every month and he'll probably have to pay arrears for the past year - totally sh!tty since he also took a paycut this year, and (3) it would very likely turn into a custody battle again, which would get nasty (personally and financially) again for all the reasons mentioned before. she made her bed (and got what they all wanted last year) but now she doesn't want to lie in it.
I guess I feel like I'm being selfish because I keep flashing back to the conversation that we had when he decided to withdraw his petition last summer - he's afraid of her sabotaging herself, school, relationships in general, even possibly his career (he's a teacher and if she were to have a friend start even the most minor of rumors, his career would be over) or even our family. I know it's sad that we had that conversation, but considering the house she's been raised in and the personality of her mom, it's not far-fetched. (Oh, and yes, his daughter did come to the wedding - at her insistence to her mother - and was one of the bridesmaids...she's got the manipulation thing down to a "t")
So, ultimately I had to get this off my chest and what better place than here...especially since this is the first time we're having to deal with this since being married. (and it continues while i write this post...)
thanks for letting me vent!
Re: Ugh...not baby mama drama again... (long vent, sorry)
Grrrr! I hate baby momma's. We have to deal with drama from time to time with his childrens mothers. As a single mother myself (not anymore of course) I will defend woman when they aren't dumb arses but in this case um thats not working for me! Stupid woman! We pay over 800 a month in child support and have no problem with it and also take care of insurance. He never gets to see his kids and one of the moms talks so much schite about my husband its crazy. That child I am happy to say will be 18 next year and will have his own choice of if he wants to contact his dad or not. Hopefully he will one day and then he will know what a kind a wonderful man he is. The other child I don't know what will happen with him. It sucks I feel for you! I feel bad for his children that they don't know what their dad is really like. My children adore him and its to bad they are missing out!