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no TTA, just BCPs
I talked to Adam tonight at dinner about charting and TTA and stopping my BCPs. Our original plan was to stop them in October and (as I remember, TTC the beginning of the year), but after being on this board, I thought maybe I could stop early (like after AF stops next week) and chart to avoid.
He said, "isn't that kind of early, like 9 months early?" And I said, "what do you mean?" And he said, "well weren't we going to try in May?" I'm sorry, what??? I told him I thought we had said the beginning of the year. He told me he didn't know where I got January from, so I said maybe I got the timeline confused, and he said that his timeline hasn't changed, that this will give him enough time to finish classes and take the cpa exam so he can be done by the time the baby's born.
It was all I could do not to cry into my salad at Olive Garden. Maybe in my head somehow I had moved dates up. I don't know. I know he wants to be a dad (he points out every adorable child he sees!), he just wants to get this out of the way. But I had to sit there for the rest of the meal (WHY did I bring it up over salad) and then ride 25 minutes pretending I was fine. Then the ONE time I want him to go upstairs and play his video game so I can text my sister and cry, he hung out on the couch downstairs. Finally he went to bed so I could talk to my sister and cry.
I love him and I'm so happy he's a motivated person. I know I need to let it go so I don't push too much. He wants to be a CPA, I want to be a mom. I don't want to wait that long. But because I want my marriage to work, it's more months of BCP.
Posted this on GP too, but I know you ladies best and I wanted to vent to some girls who know me.
"You know my name, not my story. You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."
Re: no TTA, just BCPs
I understand how badly you want to get pregnant and become a mom, but I think waiting 4 more months to a year isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's important to have a strong relationship with your husband because I'm sure (those of you with kids can say) you will have many challenges ahead. Not sure what your situation is, but it sounds like your husband may also be thinking about the financial situation. Being finished his program will allow you to be able to provide for your child more easily, and in turn be less stressed.
I've also wanted to have babies for a long time. The urge comes and goes. As much as I do want children, I know deep down now is not the time for us. Hubby is starting school, we don't have enough income to support a child. We've discussed when would be a good time to TTC and in the meantime we can prepare for that by strengthening our relationship and our resources. GL and I hope you and your hubby find some understanding.
I'm so sorry and I know how you feel. LIke Hayley said though, he probably just wants to make sure he can support you and him, and a baby. You can't be mad at him for wanting to ensure you guys have a good future ahead and aren't struggling to pay the bills that come with a child.
(HUGS)
Having the extra time is giving you the chance to keep doing the things you can do before a baby comes or you get pg - continue to build up your baby fund, plan a nursery, make any decisions or arrangements about your job once you have the baby, and so on. Plus, you get to enjoy wine and sushi for awhile longer, still! And you can pick up and go anywhere you want on the weekends, etc. And sleep. Enjoy these things NOW b/c once baby comes, it'll be awhile ;-) I know it's tough to wait but try to think about these factors in the meantime - plus, it'll be SO much sweeter once you and DH are both on the same page and ready to go at this together! Hang in there, my dear.
I completely understand where you're coming from, I would love to start TTC, but DH just isn't ready... and I understand that. We're starting to chart now, so that my cycle can get back to normal, but we're not going to start not not trying until next Christmas... which seems like forever away! I just want it so bad and I don't understand how he doesn't want it, too. I know realistically that we'll be in a better spot financially and with my job... but that doesn't make me feel any better.
How about you and I just whine to each other on here every once and a while?
I tried to explain to him the charting to avoid, but I don't think he quite gets it and is afraid I'll get KU, since really the only protection we use is my pills. We've both got good jobs, so if it were to happen, we wouldn't be in a bad position. Plus, I just got a second job where all the money I get will go to paying off our credit card debt and then go into a savings account for a baby fund and for a long maternity leave. That should be anywhere from $750-$1000 a month going into that fund.
I know I'm being selfish by putting what I want first, and I feel like a horrible person for that. You can't help how you feel though. Plus, what if we have trouble TTC, then it would be even longer, and I just don't want to wait. I'm tired of waiting, but I guess there's not much I can do about it.
And yes, Megan, I'll need someone to whine to!! LOL
You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."
If you wanted to go off BCP and chart why not just use another form of birth control? That way you can chart and know your cycle and you are still protected.
I've never been on any type of medical BC (we just use condoms) but I am pretty sure I've heard people talk about how much their cycle is off/messed up when they stop BCP. So if you're not against another form of BC, I don't see why you couldn't stop the pill before you ready to TTC.
It sounds to me like your HH is trying to do the man thing and get his ducks in a row a little better before you guys take on the biggest responsibility of your lives. I don't blame you a bit for feeling disappointed and upset, but, as you said, he DOES want to have kids, and it's not really so far away (what, like 9 months til May and our first anniversaries now?!).
I agree with dnar about the BCPs. I can't handle hormones, so we use condoms and/or a diaphragm. You could go that route (use both at once, if it would make your husband feel better; we try to do that during the part of the month where getting KTFU would be most likely). It would give your body time to come off of the hormones and regulate itself, and you could start tracking now and get the hang of things.
Condoms have an 85% per year effectiveness rate with typical use (it's like 97%, I believe, with perfect use), and diaphragms are like 84-94% (I'm going from memory, here), so if you double those up, your odds are even better than with just the BCPs and nothing else.
I will do this!!! LOL
And Kelly, we don't use other methods of BC and basically Adam doesn't like to use condoms and we've never used one. And I've never used a diaphragm, and never thought about it since I've been on BCP my whole sexually active life. Oh well. The sucky part is that I don't know my body without the hormones.
You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."
This sounds selfish to me(just my opinion). Condoms are not something that are altering your body chemically like the pill does.
Bets of luck. Like someone else said enjoy the things you won't be able to do when pregnant now!
It was never an issue. I was on BC when we met, so we didn't see the need to use them. I've never asked him to use them, and truth be told, I never thought about the pill as chemically altering (which, yes it is) until I started thinking about TTC and what my body would be like off of them. At this point in our relationship, if we get pregnant....woo hoo!
You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."
MY Adam and I only used condoms when we first started having sex to be on the safe side, even though I was on the pill. We both got tested and once we knew that we were totally going to be committed to each other, we stopped using condoms. I'm totally like a guy when it comes to the whole "Well, it feels better without one"... because, well, yeah it does. I think the last time Adam and I used a condom was maybe like 2 1/2 years ago when I was taking antibiotics that could have effed up my BC. As much as it sucks, we would use them if we were serious about not getting KTFU if I ever go off my BC.
Becky how long have you been on birth control? Have you talked to your OBGYN about getting pregnant? Those are things that you need to talk to a heath care professional about as well. I know someone that was on birth control for a really long time and never took a break from it and is now working on getting her body back into the swing of things because when she went off BC her body went completly out of wack.
You both need to be on the same page when you are TTC. It is a wonderful thing to have a baby when you both are prepared and want it. Hugs hang in there and enjoy wine and sushi while you can! Practice also makes perfect!
You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."
Well, yeah, it does.
I wish I could take hormones, but it definitely doesn't work for me. I like the diaphragm for the most part, but it's a pain to have to plan ahead sometimes, so we have to keep the condoms around for spontaneity... And for the extra peace of mind when we do use both simultaneously.