Oklahoma Nesties
jesseandbri
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
What do you think?
Here are the facts:
Friend is 26ish, getting married in two months. Had unplanned baby 2 years ago, really wanted to give him up for adoption but chose to parent. He calls her mommy but her parents really raise him. There is a lot more to the story but it doesn't directly pertain to this...
She is getting her tubes tied this week.
I think I kind of understand her not wanting to have kids but I think having the tubes tied seems crazy at her age and life stage. What happens in 6,7,8 years when they decide they want kids.
I know its her body, her choice but it still seems crazy to me.
Re: What do you think?
I think it is alittle drastic especially being only 26 years old. I'm sure she and her FH has talked about kids and maybe just decided that they didn't want children?
I have a friend who has 2 kids and married. She decided that she was done and had her tubes tied and then she got the baby fever again but ended up adopting.
Maybe that's what they might decide to do? Personally I plan on having DH snip snipped when the time comes just for that very reason.
I say this in the nicest way possible: What makes you think she'll change her mind in a few years? Not everyone wants children. I personally wouldn't have surgery now because I'm still agnostic about kids, but if I were certain I didn't want them, either DH or I would take surgical methods to prevent pregnancy. I have two girlfriends who NEVER wanted kids (since at least when I met them in the 4th grade) and two who are certain they have completed their families (and 1 and 2 kids respectively.) All four or their partners have either had tubal ligations or vasectomies.
It sounds like she knew all along that she didn't want kids (wanting to give her 2 year old up for adoption.) Is it possible her parents talked her into keeping her son? In her circumstances (sure she doesn't want to be a mother) I think a tubal ligation is a really responsible decision.
As usual, amanjay, you're a wizard with words. I agree with every word you've said here.
Thanks, except that if I really had a way with words I could find a way to make the first question I asked "What makes you think..." sound un-assy. It's really not intended to be that way, but I couldn't find a way to de-snarkify it.
I had been thinking the same thing about the "when they want kids later" comment but couldn't think of a way to counter that without the snark, either, and so I opted simply for the
, lest I start any drama (again). Haha.
I agree. It irks me when we have friends that make statements such as, "oh... once you have kids or settle down you will really want them." Every person/couple is different. In the end everyone is not a mom/dad or should be one. I honestly think it is a smart to make changes now rather than procreate and leave the child with the parent again.
I guess I should have worded the statement what IF she changes her mind in a X years.
I understand that kids are not for everyone, I have a few close friends that will never have kids. With the lives they live I totally understand and respect that choice. Being a parent is not for everyone.
I really just wanted to see what other people thought about the procedure being done at her age. She tried to have it done when baby was born but doctor said no way, too young. She changed doctors so she could do it now. Her FI wanted kids when they first met, I just worry that this is a choice that should have waited a bit longer. She has the Mirena (sp) so I am not really seeing the rush at this point, if I remember correctly those are good for 5 or so years.
I am glad we can all be civil and disagree/agree about certain things. It make the board interesting.
amanjay, I didn't take snark out of that comment...
What concerns me is that her FI wanted kids when they met and now he doesn't. Whose to say HE won't change his mind down the road?
But again - her body, her choice. DH will get the snip, snip.
He just doesn't know it yet.
I agree with this response.