April 2010 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
A little TMI time
Girls, I need to know, how often do you get it on with DH? I have a really low sex drive - I don't know if it's because of the BC I'm on or what - I mean, I enjoy it, but just the act of initiating it, I never want to! I've come to the conclusion it's b/c I'm so dominating in every other aspect of our relationship, that I like for him to take charge in the sex department.
I really want to be more into it, but I just don't know how to go about doing that! Any advice? Am I the only one that is like this? I don't want to be one of those married couples that never have sex after they are married. It's dumb
Re: A little TMI time
Shmel's Blog
oh yeah get the tv out of the room! good call mel.
also -- have you talked to DH about this? Does he know that you want him to initiate? if he does initiate do you say no? If it's just a matter of him starting it, maybe he doesn't know that you'd like him to since you are so dominant otherwise.
No we don't have a TV in the bedroom - Good thing!
I feel like life has been a little crazy since the wedding, but sometimes I feel like that's a lame excuse
Tales From a Kitchen Misfit
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We talk about it occationally and I think the last time it came up I told him I like it when he initiates. He always asks though, I guess sometimes I wish he would just DO IT, instead of asking.
Tales From a Kitchen Misfit
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I have a pretty low drive...lower then DH for sure...
Part of it is that at the end of a long day after dinner and after cleaning I'm asleep on the couch in 5min. I'm more likely to be interested in the mornings/afternoon/pre-dinner. So we tend to be weekenders haha.
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TTC #1 since 4/10, Dx: MFI IVF planned for April/May
We are weekenders too. DH gets home so late during the week that after we eat, we are ready to crash. If he surprises me and gets home early, then we might. My drive is lower right now due to stress. Work has me really worn out (I dread coming to work and end up going home with a headach). Once I can find something better or get my business up and running, I hope that the drive returns.
Everyone made some good points. We usually do it 3-4 times a week. My drive is lower than DH, but since getting off BC it has increased a little. I'm like many of you that I fall asleep on the couch and I am always tired.
I'm like Mel, I will signal it by just jumping into bed with nothing on. That usually sends a signal.
Ooo, Mel, I like your suggestion! I'm always embarrassed to initiate (DH usually does), this is a terrific idea :P
We usually do 3 times a week, often in the morning because I am good for nothing at night! Also, a lot on the weekends!
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For us it's often just once a week. We've been together for like 9 years now, and we didn't always have a place to "be together" so it was really any opportunity we could get- 1-3x/wk. In the last 4 years it's really been like 1-3x/wk, and since living together (getting married hasn't changed much in that dept) closer to 1-2x/wk.
Like pp, (Laurms I think) after working, cooking and sometimes clean up, all I want to do is veg and then am ready to get in bed. Plus, we have the kids 50% of the time so that sometimes kills the momentum. Doesn't kill the occurence completely but it's not fun having to be uber quiet.
I do feel like if we haven't done it for a while and I want to try to get something going I will get in some sexy lingerie while he's brushing his teeth then when he comes in he gets the hint! Plus it gets me a bit more excited b/c I'm trying to surprise him.
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I'm really glad you asked this Amanda. I feel like DH and I hardly ever do it. We are seriously maybe once a week people. My drive is definitely more than his, but I can't seem to get him to stop being "tired" to actually want to do it. It drives me crazy! I loved our honeymoon because we had fun every single night. But now that we're back to the real world with work, we're back to having fun hardly once a week.
I'm not trying to hijack your post, but I'm not sure what else to do. We don't ever turn the TV on in our bedroom, we sleep naked together half the week, and I've tried talking to him about it. Do my favorite nesties have any other thoughts?
And I feel like I should caviot this post by saying I love this man with all my heart and I know he finds me attractive. I'm just trying to help the other part of our marriage.
Jacqui - I totally get you. We can be very lazy and I ALWAYS complain that I am tired. I always want to go to sleep after we do it! I have to admit we have the tendency to do the same positions all the time. I like feeling close to DH when we do it so that's why we aren't more adventurous in the bedroom. I too love DH more than anything in the world but sometimes our sex life is frustrating.
I think being more adventurous would help (and I'm talking to myself as well) as well as just getting over the lazy/tired hump. I know that is a BIG thing with me.
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I am ditto-ing all of your posts!!! I feel like BC has a big factor in our sex lives, when I was off of it because of my blood pressure...I wanted it ALL the time. Generally I am more likely to initiate...I try and let DH know that I would like him to do it more often. He's starting to, however I think he and I both are lazy, and just plain exhausted and running on fumes throughout the week.
Thanks Mandah for bringing up this topic. It's good to know that we're not alone in this! I think as newlyweds people think that we should be doing it all the time...that's sometimes a hard standard to live up to, especially if you've been active with DH before the wedding and living with them too. You know?
I couldn't agree more! DH and I hav been together for 9 years and have lived together for 5 so there is little room for newness I suppose. Considering we used to do it like rabbits when we were younger (but I suppose that is normal). I feel like we should be doing it every other day since we are newlyweds! But it's a record if we do it twice in one week!
This gives me a follow up question - How often do you girls actually talk to your DH about sex? I feel like we don't talk about it enough, and it is partly my fault. DH does bring it up but I never want to talk about it, so that is definitely something I need to work on
Tales From a Kitchen Misfit
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I'm so glad that this topic came up! I went on BCP about 1 month before the wedding & my sex drive took a nose dive. I was on YAZ & changed (I can't for the life of me remember what I'm taking now). The new pill seems to not have as much of an effect as YAZ but I'm still not back to my old self.
I feel much better about this after reading your comments. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one.
Thanks for bringing this up Amanda!
I have to say, based on the responses on this thread, I think we have officially debunked the myth that all newlyweds do it like rabbits. I am of the camp that "normal" is what works for the two of you as a couple. It that's every day, great. If once a month works for a couple, so be it. You don't need to have sex all the time to have intimacy. DH and I snuggle on the couch together almost every night and we're always hugging and touching each other. Just because we don't jump each other's bones every single night doesn't mean we're not super close and in love.
And Amanda, to answer your question - we rarely talk in detail about sex. It's a sore point with me and DH. I try to bring it up, even jokingly, and he won't talk about it. Without getting into details, I was much more experienced than him when we got together and I try not to push it to make him feel bad or inferior or something. It's going to be an issue soon though because we're probably both going in for fertility testing in the next month or so.
TTC #1 since 4/10, Dx: MFI IVF planned for April/May
We just moved into our own place after living with my parents because we weren't living together before the wedding and knew we would be changing cities for grad school. Yeah living with parents doesn't exactly lead to a great sex life.
I'm thinking now that we are in our own place we will have it 2-3x a week but idk because I don't like starting it but I usually give some hints. Last night I told DH I wanted some after the movie we watched. I went into the bedroom to get ready for bed and next thing you know, I hear the Xbox going. So needless to say I didn't get any last night because I went straight to sleep lol.
Tales From a Kitchen Misfit
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OMG! This is too much - I am so glad that you did this post also! I thought that we were the only "weekenders"/every once in a while during the week newly married couple out there...it is really reassuring to know I'm also not alone in this.
Ditto pp, on most all points. We've been together 10 yrs, lived together for the past 5...and we have fallen into a comfortable routine of weekends (usually in the mornings, as I am toast the minute my head hits the pillow at night!), and for reason, Sunday morning fun is the best :-)
I think that H would like it more frequently, but I just don't have the drive that I did even a few years ago. We were talking recently about how in years past we would come home from work and get busy on the recliner before dinner, etc...yeah well...those days haven't been around for a good while.We are both comfortable with it, but I can definitely agree with the other ladies that we're not swinging from the chandeliers as often as we did in the early days...lol
@Mel - that is my clue too! Although I'm totally ok to just "grab willy" when I feel frisky also!
DH and I don't talk about sex that much. If it's been a while since we've had sex, we'll be like we are having sex TONIGHT!
I told DH that we need to have a staycation so we can have sex as much as we did on the honeymoon. I suppose if we had NOTHING going on in our lives that we would have sex everyday.
As far as the BC, I'm on Ocella now and will be switching to Apri because of the different tiers in DH copay prescriptions.
Shmel's Blog
Whenever we are on vaca (like our HM, for instance) there is no question - at it like rabbits practically every day, even at night. It's almost like having a break from the day to day refreshes us in a way. But yeah, we'll have our weekday moments every so often, but the weekends, for sure...but one thing is for sure - I'm planning our next vacation very soon :-)
DH and I do talk about it. More so that we are married now. I am usually the one who brings it up. I am taking Yasmin right now and have been on it for several years (on and off). I really would like Mirena...but insurance doesn't pay for it. grrrr
I like weekend sex because it's something to look forward to and also it energizes you!
I too would like another vacation or have a staycation so we can act as though we are honeymooners! ;-)