Not up for Sex...

stephanie412 · August 2010

Me and my man hasnt had sex for weeks. There's nothing physically wrong with us, I just haven't been in the mood. With me starting a new job and trying to balance out the daily stress im under, im just beat at the end of the day. But i feel bad because i know he misses me and our old sex life. We used to have sex 2 or 3 times a week now he's lucky to get some 2 or 3 times a month if even that. Any advice on how to get our sex life back to the way it was.?

--- Too Stressed For Sex.

SuMmErKuTiE · August 2010

My advice is when you feel too tired just do it anyway! I'm usually exhausted at night when DH drops strong hints and at first I'm really not in the mood, but it's amazing how if you give in, you get in that mood pretty quickly. Even if you're really tired, taking 10 or 15 minutes to share that connection with your husband is worth it in the end and you'll be surprised how much you enjoyed it when you didn't think you even wanted it in the first place. HTH!

Jellybeang1982 · August 2010

I hear you. I've been married 5 1/2 months now and my husband just started a new job as well and the sex life was terrible for a bit. We used to be the envy of people when we told them how frequently we got it on, and then we were lucky for once a week. It doesn't help that I don't feel good often (ovarian cysts), but you do have to make an effort. Have a few drinks when you get home, that always helps. Go out for a dinner date during the week or on the weekend, or just put on some music and make a nice dinner. Even when you don't want to you have to push through it and make the effort.

jengii · August 2010

SuMmErKuTiE:
My advice is when you feel too tired just do it anyway! ... at first I'm really not in the mood, but it's amazing how if you give in, you get in that mood pretty quickly.

For the most part, women are wired this way. Men will usually get aroused just by the idea that they might have sex; women don't really get into it until it's already happening. Make an effort just to fool around a little bit when you're not in the mood, and see where you wind up.

Do you have any toys? I recommend using a vibrator with your husband.

danarhess · August 2010

I say do it anyway! Sometimes when I think I'm too tired, or stressed, I feel a thousand times better after a little lovin'!! Even if its just a little quickie before you go to bed, it keeps him and you happy! My fiance and I like to take a bubble bath together before bed with a glass of wine and some candles, and talk about our day. It helps us both relax and get in the mood. Whenever I tell my friends this, they always get jealous of how romantic we are, but I couldn't think of a better way to end the day!

mrswhite739 · August 2010

I agree with danarhess - if the problem is that you're feeling stressed, sex is a great stress reliever. Just try to go with it anyway, even if you're not in the mood at first... and keep in mind, the more you do it the more you will want to do it.

a-bride-to-be! · August 2010

Sometimes it doesn't work though. When I'm too tired/stressed/unhappy to have sex and he wants it, I'll just go ahead and just have sex but I'm usually staring at the ceiling during the whole thing, wishing he would just hurry up.

FutureMrsOrtiz0526 · August 2010

As everyone else has said...do it anyway! If you are really struggling and you feel like your sex life isn't what it should be then change it. Pick a number that both you and guy are comfortable with (for example, 2 times a week) and make it happen whether you're in the mood or not. Hopefully getting back on track with kick up your sex drive again!

anneliseb · August 2010

I agree with everyone that it's worth it to go ahead and do it, even when you're not feeling up to it. There are times where I'm feeling tired enough to just hope it's over soon, but most of the time, once things start warming up, I get really into it, and I'm glad we did.

The amount of stress in your life does have a huge effect on your libido though. Maybe you both could figure out a way to alleviate the stress, or find a way to relax at night so you can enjoy your time together.

redbaron20 · August 2010

Have you tried to relax yourself with something like yoga or a walk outside(when it's nice)? I know in the business of the week we push fitness and the like to the side, but exercise is a form of stress relief. I find that at time when I just want to go home, I force myself to go do a work out anyway. Just a little but to get the blood flowing and clear the mind. Once your mind is clear you might be in a better mood overall and possibly more in the mood to get frisky. We sometimes have to make time to decompress.

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