Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Virginal Dilemma
My husband and I were married about two and a half weeks ago, and because of our religious convictions, we chose to wait until marriage to have sex. However, on our wedding night, we found we were unable to consummate. I figured it was just because we were both nervous, and I was too tense. We've tried a few times since then, and taken measures to help me relax. He got in, but once he hit what I'm presuming is my hymen, he was unable to break it. He and I both felt that he pushed pretty hard. I didn't think the hymen was supposed to be that hard to break. Don't a lot of women break them riding horses or bicycles? I don't understand, I'm afraid there's something wrong with me. Does anyone have any advice, or have you been through a similar situation?
Re: Virginal Dilemma
Visit your doctor. Have him/her verify that it's your hymen he's hitting. It's possible you just have a shallow vaginal canal and he's actually hitting your cervix, which won't break. If you do have an especially thick hymen (some women do), maybe your doctor can puncture or break it for you.
If it's your cervix... there isn't going to be much you can do.
Get checked out by your doctor, like PP said, you may have a thicker-than-normal hymen that will need to be surgically removed.
Also check in to a condition called vaginismus which is an involuntary "clamping" of your vaginal muscles. Depending on how severe, this can inhibit sex altogether or make it very painful if you are able to be penetrated. If you and your doctor think this may be a problem for you, there is a very good program to overcome this, along with a great forum for women with vaginismus, at vaginismus.com. I speak from person experience with it. I was not a virgin on my wedding night, but honestly the majority of women on that forum were. It's been discussed there that the religious convictions many of you had until marriage brought on a higher level of anxiety concerning sex. This may be true for you? Or it might not.
The good news is, in either of these scenarios, you can work to get past this and have a healthy, happy sex life. Good luck!
I think most people are right on about the cervix. The doc's word is going to be best. Some of my friends that were also virginal brides used spacers or dilators which really helped them. My advice is not to worry so much about vaginal penetration and enjoy the new intimacy of just being together and exploring each other. (My mother told me that sex is a learned behavior.) I recommend taking candle lit a bubble bath. Good luck and know that pretty soon you'll have it down.
P.s. I've found that when my husband arouses me, somehow there's room.
On the first point--yes. Ditto. Taking the pressure off of achieving penetration will make it a smaller hill to climb.
On the second--if you are aroused, you should (depending on your body chemistry, some women are especially dry) produce natural lubrication, which will make things go smoother. It won't make you deeper, but your vagina will stretch and it will ease the initial friction that makes you feel like things don't "fit."
Wait..I'm confused?
I've always been told that you can break your hymen anywhere. ie riding a horse.
http://www.womenanswers.org/womenshealth/womenanswers-org-y2-41513.html
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070504203908AADIePz
http://www.healthboards.com/boards/archive/index.php/t-88726.html
Am I an idiot?
Maybe you should do some research about what a hymen is and where it is located...
http://www.healthystrokes.com/hymengallery.html
Is his penis longer than your hand? For that matter, is your face longer than your hand? If so, it may be cancer.
Ok ok, not really. Doubtful your hymen is keeping things from progressing. Is it painful? Is this why you stop him?
She gives some good info to check into.
And about Tarpon Monoxide's comment: I can't remember any time when she has contributed anything worthwhile to a post.
I grew up riding horses, and my first few times having sex weren't painful at all. No blood. I ascribe this to the gradual stretching of the hymen.
My H likes to joke that I lost my virginity to a horse. O.o
3 things that might help:
1. Lube-- i used to think it was just for old people.. it's not.
2. The angle-- you try getting on top of him and leaning forward. the first time my husband and I had sex, we had a little trouble bc we were both inexperienced as well-- i had to get on top of him to get the right angle the first time.
3. A little alcoholic beverage will help with the nerves.
I don't have anything to add regarding your initial question; I think the ladies who posted before me have it pretty much covered.
I do just want to say that you should never rely on Yahoo Answers for legitimate info. Or really, any place where "online contributors" can submit answers. There are plenty of good, factual websites where you can get your answers from. Yahoo answers, WikiAnswers, etc. are not.
Relax, it'll get better. For me, it took awhile to get there, and it's actually very pleasurable now. I just have turn off my brain, and use lube (I like Vagisil.) DH and I bought a book after our honeymoon at Family Christian that was a lifesaver. Here it is:
http://www.familychristian.com/shop/product.asp?prodID=124683&name=Ed+Wheat%2C+Gaye+Wheat-Intended+for+Pleasure%3A+Sex+Technique+and+Sexual+Fulfillment+in+Christian+Marriage+++++++++++++++++++
My hubby and I also waited!
Kudos.
Now as for the sex issue... My sister actually had a problem where her hymen was especially THICK and imperforate. Her doctor had to actually surgically remove it. Then she had to stretch it out because she was very small. You might go in and talk to your doctor about this problem. Be very open about it. You may have the same issue.
Married since 06/19/2004|Anna born 11/19/2006|Charles born 11/1/11
Double undergrad graduation May 2011| Me: Psychology, DH: Communication| A long journey!
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I feel like a lot of women have some misconception that a hymen is like magical saran wrap over your vagina. It is actually relatively uncommon to have an imperforate hymen. If it is the case, most of the time that is taken care of as an infant.
Any random pain/bleeding does not equal your hymen breaking.
My guess is that you are nervous, tense, and that he is hitting your cervix and no amount of pushing is going to break that.
I don't want to presume too much, but it's very possible you and DH just don't know each other well enough physically. By waiting til marriage, I assume you mean that you weren't doing much of anything between first base and sex. If that's true, my advice would be to relax, forget about sex for a while, and focus on the steps you haven't hit.
I was a wait-til-marriage girl before I met DH, but the further our emotional relationship progressed, the further our physical one did. I have friends who did nothing but kiss until their wedding night, and sex was a difficult (and somewhat shocking) experience. I personally can't imagine going from zero to sixty like that. There's a big jump between making out and having sex.
So I would say fill the gap. Take a few days and do those things you didn't do while you were dating, and didn't think to do on your wedding night. Have a week's worth of foreplay. Figure each other out. And then start trying again.
If you're still having troubles, go see a doctor. It's possible you do have some kind of physical problem, but it's not likely.