Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How do you say goodbye?
I don't want to be sad anymore. This is the hardest thing I think I have ever gone thru.
I just need a place to put my thoughts.
I had a really rough visit with my grandma today.
After my visit my mom called and said Hospice came by and said it didnt look like my grandma was going to make it thru the weekend. My mom asked if I wanted to come back tonight or see her tomorrow. I told my mom I would back tomorrow since my uncle was going to be there tonight and I would like to say goodbye without B2 there.
All I have done tonight is cry. I hate to see her go, but I hate to see her suffer. I try to remember all the great times we had together and everything she has tought me and then I think of life with out her and I am sad again.
Then I think of my mom. I think of everything my mom is going thru. There is notthing I can do to comfort my mom. I tell myself that I dont have to say anything, I just need to be there and that is good enough. I hate to think of my mom being the one to watch her go or being the one to find her in the morning.
I dont know what else to say from here.
Thanks for listening.
Re: How do you say goodbye?
I am really sorry you are going through this Angi. I don't have any advice to offer about how to say goodbye, but try to be there as much as you can so you can get a lot of grandma time in. And be there for you mom during this difficult time. You don't need to say anything, just be there, maybe do something special for your mom that might get her mind off of it, even if it is just for a few minutes.
I just lost my grandma, so you'd think I'd have some words of wisdom, but sadly I don't. My situation was not normal, you know my story. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you since you are close with your grandma and have a good relationship with her.
Reading this makes me sad that I never got to experience what it is like to have an amazing grandmother.
Big HUGS!!!
Everything that you just said completely resonates with me. Two weeks ago...well actually I guess 3 weeks ago I felt the same way. Three weeks ago tonight I got the phone call about my grandpa. I got to see him twice that following weekend and it was a total surprise to me when he passed so quickly. But I felt satisfied with the time that I spent with him and relieved that he didn't have to suffer long. My family....we're big into researching everything and knowing exactly what's going on. VERY Type A. When I got home that weekend, I read something my mom had found and printed off. A very graphic description of exactly the process of what could/will happen to the body after the failure of the kidneys. I couldn't bear that thought of him going through that. I knew that he'd be in Hospice, wouldn't really feel any of it, and really had no quality of life at all. But I still couldn't bear it. So him going so quickly was a relief. Going in knowing you are saying goodbye is very difficult. I guess when I went that Sunday, I didn't really think it was goodbye yet. I thought I'd have the next weekend as well.
Definitely spend as much time there as possible. I would've been there with him that next weekend too, even though our visits were spent with him sleeping. I knew that wasn't a good sign.
All the memories you remember, write the all down. After I got the phone call that he had passed, I still had like 2 hours until I had to even wake up for work. I went on facebook and wrote a note, typing every last little memory that came to my mind. One of those that made my mom sob and laugh all at once. She wound up printing it off and having it at the viewing and funeral for people to take and read. It was incredibly therapeutic for me that first morning and made me feel so good about his role in my life and all the memories we had shared, even though the most recent memory I'd had when he was still lucid was in probably 1995. It all made me angry too because of the years I lost with him because of that horrible disease, but I was relieved that he was finally free of it and had been freed of those chains.
Honestly my mom and thinking of what she was going through was probably the worst part for me. Everything had been planned in advance for the most part, like in summer of 2004, so she didn't have to run around and do an awful lot. But the three of us were incredibly close, in part because we were the ones who stayed close to home. We definitely had the closest relationships with him of anyone else in our family. And she did have a very rough go of it and still is, as will your mom. You'll just have to be there and support one another. My mom actually went to go see him after she got the phone call. That surprised me a lot because I don't think I could have done that, but she wanted to and was glad she did. Maybe seeing her finally pain free and at peace will be an important step, as it was for my mom.
Bottom line: this is going to be awful. You're prepared for it as best you can be but it will still hurt like hell. Three weeks later, it will still hurt like hell. You'd think we'd be more prepared after 15 years of Alzheimer's. Mentally. Emotionally. But you're not. Lean on your family, support eachother, think about the good memories, and with time it will get easier. Promise. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and if you ever need to talk, I'll be 100% here for you.
*Arianna & Matthew*
July 26, 2008- The Best Day of Our Lives
3 years married already??
Wedding "Highlight" Video from our Reception!
Wedding Planning Bio!! My Married Bio!!
I am so sorry Angi. I don't have any words, but am thinking of you.
I don't know how you say goodbye or how you even cope. I am extremely close with my grandma and I see her aging, and try to prepare myself, but I don't think anyone is ever really prepared to say goodbye.
I don't have much advice other than what was given already. You think I would after watching my own grandmother pass away - and after losing my mother - but I don't. It's different for everyone.
The only thing I can answer with to "How do you say goodbye?" is - you don't. You say see you later - see you on the other side. Just have faith that you will see her again.
You are in my thoughts and prayers girl!
Angi, I went through this last year with my grandmother and my mom. The problem for us was that my gram lived in florida so when she passed away, my mom and her sisters and brother were the only ones with her(besides her husband and my grandpa and nana). Like you said, you know that you don't want her to go, but watching her suffer is almost worse. I can tell you that really the only thing you can do is be there for your mom. This is probably one of the hardest things she is going to go through, but as long as you are there for her(it maybe just a shoulder to cry on or it may be just to listen) thats whats most important. Just remember to take time for yourself during this hard time too. You may want to always be the strong one for your mom and your family but you have to take time out to mourn/cry/yell/etc, too. I know that everything anyone says will not ease the pain, and in my opinion, it doesn't get easier as time goes on(it still feels like it did the day my gram passed when I think about her), but remembering the good times will help make it a little better. For me, because my gram was so bad at the end, I knew that when she died, she didn't suffer anymore. I was raised catholic, so I believe that she is in heaven and that she can do all of the things she hadn't been able to do in years. That also helped bring some comfort to me. Just know that you have a wonderful DH and little boy with you to help wipe away the tears and bring a smile to your face. You also have all of us here if you need anything. I know we haven't met(yet) but I consider you a good friend and would be there for you(and any of the other girls) if you needed it. If you need to talk/vent anything, you can PM me. Lots of love and prayers to you and your family hun.
Married My Best Friend On May 23rd, 2009
Our Little Man is Finally Here!!!
<a href="http://s292.photobucket.com/albums/mm29/nrb0509/?action=view
Angi-I'm sorry that you are going through this. When my grandma died it was very hard on all of us. Actually it has been 7 years almost to the day and my sister posted something on facebook that made all of us (all of my cousins) cry. I guess maybe we aren't over her death yet. All I can say is you are very blessed that she got to meet B and B2, and cherish those memories that you have with her. I do have to say that maybe having goodbye time is good, it gives some closure. I remember telling my grandma it was okay to go, and we would all take care of each other. And that we loved her. I was there when she passed with my mom and it was one of the hardest things I've ever been through (I was also only 17) but I just hugged my mom and did the best I could to be her support.
Hugs and love Angi!
I am so sorry Angi. Like others said, spend as much time as you can with her and try not to be sad. She wants to see you happy. That is awesome that she has got to meet B2.
My grandpa(my dads father) died 2 months before my wedding. It was very rough. We were very close and he was living with my parents (for about 2 years bc he wasn't able to live on his own), so I saw him several times a week. It gets easier but there are still lots of days that go by that I miss him dearly and wish he could be here to see my girls. I think that is probably the hardest thing, that they will never get to meet eachother.
Also my dad lost his mom when I was about 5 so thats also rough knowing he don't have either one of his parents.
hang in there. It will get easier. Promise. Major hugs to you!! Stay strong.
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) it's been 2 yrs since my g-ma passed and i still cry when i think about her. my mom was with my g-ma when she passed (it's a long story), but she knew that g-ma was going to a better place where she wouldn't be sick or in pain anymore. we all knew it was coming, but it didn't lessen the pain any.
just hug your mom, bring her a coffee/tea/whatever, snacks, tell her to go outside (in front/back yard, driveway) for a bit while you sit with g-ma, hold her hand...just being there helps your mom out. but remember that you have your own grieving to do and that you don't have to be strong all the time. keep your memories/good time close to your heart and remember that she's not really gone...she'll be with you forever.
we are here should you need us for anything.
I'm so sorry Angi. Things like this are never easy. My Mom was in a nursing home for 10 years before she passed away and I was the last one to see her the night she went and the first one there after it happened. You'd think that after 10 years of knowing it would happen would help soften the blow but it didn't. I don't think anyone can ever really be prepared to say goodbye to someone they love. You just have to take comfort knowing that when the time comes there won't be any more suffering and she will be at peace.
I'm always here if you need to talk or anything. ((HUG))
I'm so sorry Angi.
I don't believe I've ever even had the opportunity to say 'goodbye' to anyone near and dear to me so I have no words of wisdom to share.