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wedding expectations
Just read another post about what went wrong at our weddings, and how some of us brides, are still hanging onto those mistakes and I completely think it's OK for us to do so! Just because it's related to your wedding, doesn't mean you have to let go of all you believe in and value - which was caring enough to have a publich celebration with your closet family and friends to witness the life long committment you're about to make. And if after months of planning, and not to mention, MONEY, that is spent, why I can't I have feelings of disappointment or sadness that things may have not gone as I had envisioned. Please don't misinterpret this to mean it's OK to have a license now to always bring it up and not work on gettng over it - but there is nothing wrong with a period of mourning. That's how I look at it. Not sure what the appropriate time period is for everyone - and it's not a one size fits all. The important thing is to give yourself that time to feel it. The time to relive it again in your head the way you first wished it went, and hopefully put those feelings to rest instead.
And I'm speaking from experience. My wedding day started with my hair appt, which went totally wrong. I walked out of the salon paying for the service, but my hair was undone, while my maid of honor and cousin walked out with beautiful hair. Then while there, my brother-in-law calls that they can't get a hold of the groom!! ughhhh, I don't need to hear that first thing in the morning. Then the key to my suite, won't work and is a hike to the front desk to get a working key. Then my incompetent wedding planner asked me all kinds of questions, but only to start the sentence with "ok, we have a problem"!!! who does that??? I walked down the aisle to the "ending" of the wedding song! Yes, you read that correctly. Then my husband and I are discussing for the first time, as we're about to walk in for our grand entrance, what we should do first - dance or walk around and greet guests! talk about lack of communication. so we didnt agree nor compromise on the plan, so needless to say, it wasnt what either of us had envisioned. almost half of our guests left early and before dinner was served, because they didnt know we were serving dinner, and because it was getting so late. which i think is a bunch of crap - who doesnt serve dinner at a 5 star hotel wedding. whatever! then my husband partied a little too much during the reception, so when it came to the cake cutting, i'm sure our pictures will show the true outcome/expressions of how excited we are at this point. ohhhhh and i forgot to mention, our grand entrance was to a song i wanted all my life, but only to find out the DJ's equipment didnt work so it was played all messed up with no lyrics. again, who does that??? our night ended with an angry husband/wife because our stupid wedding planner and her help was again too incompetent to know how to organize and clean up - even though I gave them instructions prior to the wedding. so as i'm trying to make sure our stuff isnt lost or stolen or anything, i should be swept off to my suite with my husband. which lead us to fighting and disagreement about how to end the night...i know this all sounds just horrible, but i am only mentioning the negative points. you do still walk away thinking, wow, i'm a married woman! this is what it's all about. where is the fireworks, angels, butterflies in your stomach feeling?? you realize that those are parts of the fairytale that is fantasy - at least in my wedding experience. i think to hold on to these sad memories is doing myself a dis-service and not what i want to remember, but i think it's just awful for people to want to discount it so much - because afterall if it didnt matter so much, then why are you taught to put so much emphasis in the first place? i guess people are just trained to respond that way, thinking it makes it all just disappear......
Re: wedding expectations
Who exactly "taught" you to put so much emphasis on the wedding. I know I wasn't...in fact, I was taught just the opposite. The wedding is just a day...the marriage is what matters. As long as you two were married at the end of the wedding...then it was a success. Quite frankly, you sound like a high-maintenence, spoiled brat. Life isn't perfect and rarely goes as you planned....get over it and learn to stop sweating the small stuff.
Get over it girl. Look at your husband. That's what's important about the day.
word. Its over. Get over it.
At every wedding stuff goes wrong.
The officiant kept getting my H's first name wrong.
The organist fouled up the prelude music.
The person I assigned to cue the wedding party in the processional messed it up; I had to do it myself.
Stuff went missing at my reception.
It's all water under the bridge.
My thoughts exactly;
Married
Taking Control:Updated 1/7
You need to make lists of what went right, what went wrong, and what you wish you had included that you didn't think of.
Then hold that list over your H's head, because obviously it's his fault.
And then at the wedding to your next H, you will know exactly what you want, and there should be NO FIGHTING between you and your new H that night.
It sounds to me like YOUR inability to laugh at the little things that go wrong is what led to you and your H arguing at the end of the night. Things always go wrong, but no matter how many things go wrong it should still be, at the end of the day, one of the happiest days of your life.
I feel sorry for you if all those little things stopped you from being able to fully enjoy and celebrate your marriage with your family and friends.
I also fail to see how this ties into s&r. Maybe romance?
Premarital counceling might have helped you out with your high expectations.
All up and through THIS.
And...get over it.
Put into that perspective, the other things that went wrong on our wedding day (and there were quite a few) turned out to be trivial BS. You got married, you had a nice party, move on.
Friends for 15 years. Married 8. TTC since January 2009
2010 Diagnosis: Anovulation and Severe MFI
2011 Treatment:
IVF w/ICSI #1 Antagonist: 2 blasts - c/p - BFN 04.22
FET #1: 1 blast/1 early blast - BFP 06.22 - m/c 06.30 @6w0d
07-11 RPL: MTHFR C677T Heterozygous & Slightly elevated ACLA IgM
FET #2: 1 morula - BFN: 9.02
January '12: IVF #2
Started BCP and Metformin (New!) 12-14 for stimming in January
Dum spiro, spero.
?SAIF/PAIF/PgAL/PAL always welcome?
A lot of these issues are H issues or YOU issues, not wedding issues.
And, you need to reread the definition of mourning.
Awww, you're so cute!
Get over yourself, OP. So your wedding day wasn't perfect? Sounds like some better pre planning could have avoided a LOT of that!
Last updated 4/06/11
That's horrible. I love your point though.
No, we're not bltchy. We just know what was important about our wedding's... marrying our husbands. Just wait until you have kids.. then you'll REALLY experience what's important and what's not.
yes as long as you got the husband right, who cares is everything else that day went wrong?
did you want a marriage or a wedding?
OP, are you serious?
What planet are you living on that you have to 'mourn' things that went wrong on your wedding day? Clearly you were told a few too many times as a child how *special* you are.
I suggest focusing on your marriage. Hopefully someday you'll be a grown up and will look back and laugh at the things that are so tragic in your eyes right now. FFS
I am so sorry that happened to you.
THIS! lol. My wedding, LOL. I was almost late to the church because we were too busy looking at lingerie with my FMIL. It was hilarious watching 4 women rushing to get ready in 20 mins while I was getting ready. Too funny. And the burgers, they were from my husband's work, the boys (cooks) ran out of the meat. Oh well! More people ate hot dogs! (the wedding was 8 people and 20 people at the reception at a friends house) It was the wedding of my dreams. I have a 7 year old. You learn to compromise and get a HUGE dose of "what is and isn't important" when you have kids, especially when you are a single parent. I laugh about my wedding day now.
OP, I understand being upset because things didn't go the way you expected. I misplaced my "toss" bouquet for my ceremony, nearly broke a light when I threw the real one, and almost didn't have a first dance because my DJ cousin couldn't find the music (thank God I made a backup CD). My hair didn't come out the way I'd intended either, and the procession music was wrong too. But the bottom line had to do with the handsome man waiting for me at the end of the aisle. For me, the butterflies and stars hit right after the ceremony, because I was married to that man. As far as I was concerned, the church and the reception hall could have burned down right then and I wouldn't have cared--my dream had become reality.
Again, you have the right to be upset. But I think "mourn" might be a bit strong. Were your expectations really that high?