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WWYD?
I've been working at my new job for a little over a month now. There is an equal number of guys and girls who work there. So basically, I'm used to working with male coworkers. There is this guy who works in my department now, he used to be on 3rd shift, but was hired on by the company so now works on 1st shift with me. He looks like Santa Claus, and his nickname at work is Ho ho. I'll use that name for the problem.
Ho ho has been working in my department for the past week, he started last Monday. The first few days, he was getting to know faces and matching them with names, etc. By Wednesday I noticed that if he would come up to talk to me, or pass by me, he would put his hand on my back. I figured he did this with everyone, so I ignored it. On Friday, he started rubbing my back. And then he ran his hand on my arm. This made me feel uncomfortable, and I wasn't sure what I should do. I started watching him and how he reacted with female coworkers. Today, I noticed he rubbed someone else's back. That made me feel a little more comfortable, even though I didn't like when he did it to me.
Today's incident, is definitely worth posting about. He hadn't come near me for the majority of the day, but in the early afternoon while I had taken a restroom break, he had stepped in to help with my job. When I came back, I took my place on the line and he took a step away. While I was resuming my job, he put his hand on my neck and started massaging it. One of my female coworkers was right across from me, and didn't notice it. I guess I'm asking, how do I bring it up to my boss? He's still new, but he makes me very uncomfortable being so touchy. So, what would you do?
Re: WWYD?
This. All you have to say is "I don't think touching is appropriate in the workplace, please stop." Then step out of reach. If he does it again, absolutely report him.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This makes me really angry. I suppose it is possible that this guy is just touchy-feely and it is innocent but I tend to think he is taking advantage of the fact that people/women are reluctant to have a confrontation, and he is getting off a bit on the touching.
It sucks that you have to say something to him but I agree with the PPs that that is the next step. If he touches you again, keep it simple and try to stay calm. "Don't touch me anymore" or "Please don't do that". If he tries to engage you in debate about it, I would just repeat. So if he says "what's the big deal? I'm just a friendly guy" just respond "I'm sure that's true but please don't touch me anymore".
If it happens again, go straight to your supervisor or your HR dept if you have one. This is absolutely unacceptable.
You know, if you don't feel assertive enough to talk to the Ho-Ho-harasser first and you would just prefer to go straight to HR or your boss, no one can blame you.
Honestly, I'd be pissed off enough that if someone started massaging my body, I would mostly like break their hand. (I don't recommend that method.)
Glad I could make you laugh.
I think he IS sexually harassing you. He is touching you in an inappropriate manner that you have not indicated that you want.
If you go to HR and mention that he is touching you and other women, they will be legally obliated to do something about it, such as counsel the fat bastard or fire him.
Given what you said about being shy, I wanted to add that I agree with Zest that I think it's okay if you want to just go directly to your supervisor or HR department.
There are some work situations in which I think you really should try to deal with the coworker before taking that step, but his behavior is so out of line and this is so clearly wrong that if you would prefer to just go to them you should.
Also, if you do decide to talk to him--I wouldn't bring it up to him, I would wait until he touches you again and in that moment say "please don't do that again" or "that is inappropriate" or whatever.
His behavior is out of line for the workplace. There are a few red flags that indicate that you should go directly to HR. That is one of the reasons the department is there.
1) It started out with just a hand on the back and has now escalated to a neck massage. Seems that he is trying to see how much he can get away with...like a game.
2) Since he is new, you don't know his history with doing this at work. He may have had to leave other jobs because of this behavior and has a problem with this issue.
3) HR will keep your complaints anonymous (I would say he is touching on a regular basis and leave out specifics until they can guarantee he will not hear the specifics). At least, they are supposed to. There are laws that protect employees from this type of harrassment. Some may not feel this is harrassment but in my book it is crossing the line. Touching is not allowed in most workplaces. I'm sure he knows that and if he doesn't then HR needs to explain this to him in detail. You may not be the only one this is causing discomfort to and reporting it may be doing everyone a favor.
If a guy touched me at work I would immediately say, "Don't touch me," and back away and I'd be pretty stern about it, and I'd also tell HR so it's on record. That way, if I have to complain again in the future there's a history or file already started. I wouldn't be worrying if I hurt their feelings. If it starts drama, that's their doing not mine. I'm not going to weigh the pros and cons of telling someone not to touch me.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes