April 2008 Weddings
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Advice - SIL and exBF

My SIL... is a character when it comes to dating and I'll leave it at that.

She had a BF that was pretty serious, in his eyes at least.  They were together for over a year.  She tends to use people, and she broke up with him, devastated him.  And apparently took all the pictures of them, or something like that.  (I'm a little confused how he doesn't have electronic copies but whatever.)

Well, then her daughter graduated from HS.  The ex BF is a semi-pro photographer AND he has some really nice tents.  SIL really wanted him to take pics and use his tents (and get another present for her daughter) so she invited him to the graduation party in July.  This guy is really nice, although I tend to just stay out of stuff.  But he came over to Dave and me, and asked us if we could send him pictures of SIL and him together, from when they were dating.  I didn't know at that point that she had taken the pics away, so I said sure.

Should I just pretend to forget and not send them?  I roll my eyes at SIL- she really does use people and it's not fair to expect him to give and then not give anything back.  But it's not any of my business, either.  But, if she invites him to some event again (which could easily happen if she wants pics from him or a tent) I'm sure he'll ask again.  I'm such a horrible liar, too.  And I don't want to be stuck in the middle of this.  I wish I could tell SIL to stop being so selfish and stop inviting him and then ignoring him.

Re: Advice - SIL and exBF

  • I don't think you should send him anything. If you see him again tell him that you're sorry but you don't want to be in the middle and you can't send him the pictures.  Its okay to feel bad for him but she's your SIL and at the end of the day you will have to deal with her. That's why I think its best to stay out of it. Unfortunately it is his problem if he wants to continue to be used by her.
  • imagebusybodyk:
    I don't think you should send him anything. If you see him again tell him that you're sorry but you don't want to be in the middle and you can't send him the pictures.  Its okay to feel bad for him but she's your SIL and at the end of the day you will have to deal with her. That's why I think its best to stay out of it. Unfortunately it is his problem if he wants to continue to be used by her.

    I agree with Kendra. 

  • Ok.  I'm horrible sometimes at being upfront if I feel sympathy for the person.  So I'll just ignore it and then if he shows up at another family event and asks I'll try to be tactful but tell him he should get them from SIL if he wants them.

    Thanks.

  • i agree with Kendra, too. and if you want to avoid a face to face chat about it later, just send him an email saying that you don't want to be in the middle and that you won't be sending him any pictures.  that way he knows where you stand and won't bring it up next time (if there is a next time) he sees you. 

  • I am going to have to agree with Kendra. I personally would not want to get put in the middle of that situation.
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  • I wouldn't get in the middle of that. 

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