For anyone still interested in the bonding process...

CaptainSerious · August 2010

I posted a sad update on the adoption board: http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/41671718.aspx.

I know this is where we're supposed to be. I know this is happening because we are starting to reinforce rules and a schedule now that he's been home from the hospital for several days and is starting to resume normal eating habits and activities. I know this is a normal part of the process. I know how wonderful it felt when we were in the hospital and he was hurting or scared and said he only wanted me. I know this is the ebb and flow. But it sucks.

I haz a sad.

ETClarify: I didn't feel good that he was hurting and scared. That part was awful. But I admit, it made me feel kinda good when I was the one he wanted to console him. Even if it's just because he's known me (and my husband) longer than anyone else who was around.

jens_a_ten · August 2010

That's tough CS.

Just try to focus on the future and how you're doing the right things now to make sure he's happy, healthy and well adjusted later. I know that probably doesn't help in the moment, but it sounds like you're doing a great job. Hang in there. Smile

PDXPhotoGrl · August 2010

Yeowch. I'm sure that hurts. I know you know he doesn't mean it but it can't be easy. Hugs.

Novemberrocks · August 2010

I'm sorry. You seem to understand this on a rational level, and it's really just part of the process of him getting used to his whole new life. It's just a lot harder to get there on an emotional level, but you guys are doing great. Just keep on keeping on.

KayRI · August 2010

I'm sorry there are rough patches -- but at least you have reasonable expectations and seem to be managing it well!

Temp950106187509203 · August 2010

Ditto everybody else -- I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, because it has to majorly suck, but it sounds like you have a good handle on things (in your head, at least). You're doing a great job.

SarahBethBR · August 2010

Oh, CS. I know you must be feeling so awful right now. Even if this is normal, that must be so hard to hear. I'm sorry you're going through this.

CaliopeSpidrman · August 2010

I'm guessing this is more of a good thing since it means he's not on his best behavior, feeling as though he has to try and win your love. This must mean he's comfortable enough to know he has it and can therefore lash out at you guys without the fear that you will send him back. So this is all good, right? Not that it makes it any less of a punch to the gut when you hear it, but at least there's a bright side.

I'm sure I uttered a few, "I wish I was adopted!" to my parents when I was mad at them, so I'm guessing, "I don't want to live here," is the adopted kid's version of that.

_Fenton · August 2010

The whole thing must be so strange for him. I imagine he feels very out of control and powerless. If I had been a kid in that situation, I can imagine saying much worse things, just to get a reaction and prove my independence. It makes total sense. But I can also see that it's not really about you or whether he wants you as a parent. Of course he wants you, he is probably desperate to be loved. He's just dealing with major insecurity, which is totally understandable.

For anyone still interested in the bonding process...

Re: For anyone still interested in the bonding process...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards