Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
H won't have sex unless I'm in the mood
Long-time lurker, actually have my own problem to post...
Title says it all. He pretty much refuses to have sex unless I'm in the mood, and unfortunately, for the last several months, I haven't been in the mood. 
I guess I feel pressured to BE in the mood, which I've tried explaining to DH, which then makes him offended, and it's just a downward spiral. I'm more than happy to have sex (and I don't mean just laying there), but he says he doesn't want to unless I'm in the mood.
Is there any way around this? I feel like it's affecting our marriage--in my opinion, a marriage without regular sex is not a good marriage. At best, we have sex every couple weeks, and I just have to "fake" being in the mood (or be drunk). Ugh.
Re: H won't have sex unless I'm in the mood
Most men are able to ALWAYS be "in the mood" or at least get into the mood very quickly. Women however are not always that fortunate.
On one hand you don't want to feel pressured and end up resenting him if you "just go along with it" but on the other hand, many women say that if they keep an open mind and go along with it at first, they'll find that they easily do get "in the mood" eventually.
Basically, tell your H to seduce you, have him put you in the mood (but don't make him do all the work for crying out loud). After a few minutes, you'll probably be ready for action.
Likewise, return the favor sometime and seduce him. He'll appreciate it.
This is such a "I want you to want to do the dishes!" scenario. Which is annoying to deal with, so I feel for you.
I think you need to get to the root of the problem... is it that he wants you to enjoy yourself, wants sex more, doesn't feel wanted himself, or is he just not aroused if he knows you're not, too? Have a conversation and figure out where this is really coming from.
If #1 - do it even if you don't feel like it. Initiate even if you don't feel like it. As said above, most women don't get into it until the ball is already rolling.
If #2 - same!
If #3 - Take the initiative and jump his bones every so often (once a week, as a goal at first, maybe?). If he's not the one asking all the time, even if you're faking it, he'll feel like he's desired.
If #4 - Sneak off to bed a few minutes before him. Masturbate or watch porn to get yourself riled up before he joins you.
It's all of the above, although he doesn't really complain about the lack of sex... I sometimes bring it up, and he agrees that he wishes we had sex more often. We had a talk last night, and I think/hope he understands where I'm coming from...
Thanks for the responses!
Implement the 10 minute rule: If one party wants to be intimate, the other half has to play along for 10 minutes. If after 10 minutes the "not interested" party still isn't interested, you stop.
I guarantee you'll probably never stop
I rarely say no to my H when he wants to have sex. All it takes is a few minutes and I'm as ready as he is.
Why can't it be more of a give and take for your H (and you)? He seduces you, you seduce him... that way you have a good marriage with regular sex.
I agree with the poster who gave the suggestion of the 10 minute rule.
Is there some other reason your sex drive is so low? Birth control or other medication you take?
Have you tried toys, movies, sexy outfits, etc. to maybe help get you in the mood? Try this site.. it's inexpensive but great quality, plus a lot to choose from...
www.adamandeve.com
I can totally relate. Dh won't initiate unless I do, and it gets tiresome at times. In my situation, we are both under a considerable amount of stress (new house, our 3rd baby) He also works OOT most of the week and when he gets home he is just exhausted because he often flies coast to coast.
Of course now we should be having sex all.of.the.time because my sex drive is into overdrive right now, but with everything going on it's just not happening. I'm set to have this child any day. However, after I have my babies, my libido takes a crash and nursing does not put me in the mood at all. I don't have any suggestions, since I feel the same that you do, but look forward to the responses!!
I think soinlove had some great ideas. Unless you are on any kind of medications that are causing a low sex drive, i'd try to experiment with ways to get aroused.
Find out what it will take for you to be in the mood. Explore yourself. He could even help you figure it out and in doing so, it is most likely to arouse you and get you in the mood.
Men tend to be in the mood a lot easier and quicker than women. We tend to take a bit longer to get there. Whenever i'm not really in the mood and my SO is, i'll engage him and 95% of the time it doesn't take much for me to also get in the mood. However, when that 5% hits, we'll stop and he'll undersand.
Are you on
Try reading Erotica to put yourself in the mood. Or better yet, try reading an erotic story to him or take turns reading to each other. (We've been there and sometimes this is the kick I need to get back on board.)
Most large bookstores here have a great selection, including books geared to women. Or you can do a quick google search for Erotic literature. I also reccommend www.literotica.com < navigation can be a little convoluted on the site but the selection and the range is huge and its free, a good starting point. Good Luck.
I know exactly what you mean OP.
My hubby and I have this problem a lot....I'm never in the mood. I could probably go a month or two easily. But I feel so guilty about it. I fake the mood sometimes and it works.
I wish I could give you some advice, but I'm still trying to figure out what my issue is.
I switched my BC (this week actually) to see if that helps.
I think that there is one essential question here...what would indicate to your husband that you are "in the mood"? Ask him. What are the things that you do that tell him you are interested in sex? Is it words, inflection in your voice, flirty eyes? Is he interested in you initiating?
I would suggest that you guys try communicating your desire to have sex long before you have it. Perhaps you can call him on his way home from work and tell him that you have been feeling a bit randy today. It doesn't mean that you immediately have to have sex when he crosses the threshold, but he will know you are interested. Or you can look at him on Friday evening and say "You know, you are so hot. I am looking forward to ravishing you this weekend."
Secondly, I would ask how he is approaching you for sex. Some people have really bad timing or come-ons. Perhaps he just walks up to you and says "Hey, wanna have sex?" while you are folding laundry. His approach takes you off guard and it takes a second to switch gears and move into sex mode. He then gets offended that you don't immediately jump into his arms. Perhaps you need to give him some suggestions as to how to approach you so that you can signal receptiveness to the idea.