April 2008 Weddings
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:::slaps forehead::: it keeps getting better...

So, follow up to my SIL's fb issue yesterday, her "friends" basically burned me at the stake. Everything I said, they twisted it back like I was bashing her, saying she does nothing and isn't a good mom/wife, etc. Apparently they are all in the wrong decade, because a mother working while her kids are in school is "wrong". So I was portrayed as evil to her by her friends. And I got an email from her saying she was just looking for support and encouragement, and what I said (and my other SIL) was totally uncalled for. Whatever. So my bro messages me, he's apparently mature enough to handle a rational discussion, so I read his message. Um, he told her to stay home and not work. What?! My dad will be pissed when he finds that out, he already said yesterday there's no reason why she can't get a job, she should. He says he's embarassed about getting help all the time from others and I crossed the line saying that they do. Um, I didn't say anything she hasn't already aired to the world. She constantly says "oh, without grandpa we wouldn't be able to get the kids clothes" or stuff like that. She airs everything in her mass emails to 100+ people, and then she puts the same things on FB. And if he's embarassed, why won't he see this opportunity to not rely so much on others? I'd be embarassed too, but I'd rather do something than be poor and have to ask my parents for financial help all the freakin time. My family has been furious with her for a long time. Between her bs about family and the constant doc appts for the kids and pulling them all out of school. The question "what is wrong with her?" has come up quite a bit. Why can't others see through her constant BS and just see she's overexaggerating everything just to be coddled? How insecure is she to have to post something everyday so her friends can keep telling her she's supermommy and that crap? At least one of her "friends" sees through her crap, this chick "liked" all my and my other SIL comments in the blow up yesterday. Normally, I hate drama on FB, but all I did was post a constructive suggestion and I was burned alive. My SIL won't talk about this in person, but she does put everything out there on FB. And I didn't expose anything more than what she told everyone already. Ugh. But I'm not holding anything back in my response to my bro tonight. He needs to see what our family is upset about.

Re: :::slaps forehead::: it keeps getting better...

  • Do you honestly think your brother will change things because he knows the family is mad because he keeps borrowing money? The only thing that you can change is you. You and your family will probably never be able to change your brother and his wife. I think you will feel better if you let it go rather than stew over it and stay frustrated about it.

  • Wow that is a lot of drama.

    If I were your parents, knowing that the only reason they have to borrow money is because she doesn't work and now that you know your brother told her it was ok that she doesn't work, I'd stop giving them money. He'd probably change his tune when he realizes the mommy and daddy money train has left the station and forgotten them on the platform. 

  • imagebusybodyk:

    Do you honestly think your brother will change things because he thinks the family is mad because he keeps borrowing money?

    It's not just about the money though. If it were, no. And honestly, I don't know if when I reply my response will help change things. But there are other factors I truly believe he seems to be blind to (by choice or not, I don't know) that his wife does and has done. Regardless of how he takes my response, it's something that needs to be said, because it seems things are getting too ridiculous with her, and the kids' education is being compromised, which is infuriating much of my family. I see this as an opportunity to bring up everything that is a concern, that nobody has been able to get my brother's attention to discuss on a civil basis. Then once it's said and done, it's done. I don't know what will happen, but there is enough of the concern (beyond his money borrowing) to be brought to his attention.
  • imageMrs.Bunches:
    imagebusybodyk:

    Do you honestly think your brother will change things because he thinks the family is mad because he keeps borrowing money?

    It's not just about the money though. If it were, no. And honestly, I don't know if when I reply my response will help change things. But there are other factors I truly believe he seems to be blind to (by choice or not, I don't know) that his wife does and has done. Regardless of how he takes my response, it's something that needs to be said, because it seems things are getting too ridiculous with her, and the kids' education is being compromised, which is infuriating much of my family. I see this as an opportunity to bring up everything that is a concern, that nobody has been able to get my brother's attention to discuss on a civil basis. Then once it's said and done, it's done. I don't know what will happen, but there is enough of the concern (beyond his money borrowing) to be brought to his attention.

     

    I agree with Kendra. I'd let it go.

  • imageMrs.Bunches:
    imagebusybodyk:

    Do you honestly think your brother will change things because he thinks the family is mad because he keeps borrowing money?

    It's not just about the money though. If it were, no. And honestly, I don't know if when I reply my response will help change things. But there are other factors I truly believe he seems to be blind to (by choice or not, I don't know) that his wife does and has done. Regardless of how he takes my response, it's something that needs to be said, because it seems things are getting too ridiculous with her, and the kids' education is being compromised, which is infuriating much of my family. I see this as an opportunity to bring up everything that is a concern, that nobody has been able to get my brother's attention to discuss on a civil basis. Then once it's said and done, it's done. I don't know what will happen, but there is enough of the concern (beyond his money borrowing) to be brought to his attention.

    I see where you are coming from. Is it like everyone is talking behind his back? Maybe that's a good angle to come from.  When you speak to him take a moment to put yourself in his shoes and try to let him know that you're there for him. Try not to make him feel like the whole family is against him. It would suck for him to feel like everyone is against him and its just him and his wife against the world. You know him best though and I wish you luck with this hard conversation.

     

  • imageGerrieandPaul:
    imageMrs.Bunches:
    imagebusybodyk:

    Do you honestly think your brother will change things because he thinks the family is mad because he keeps borrowing money?

    It's not just about the money though. If it were, no. And honestly, I don't know if when I reply my response will help change things. But there are other factors I truly believe he seems to be blind to (by choice or not, I don't know) that his wife does and has done. Regardless of how he takes my response, it's something that needs to be said, because it seems things are getting too ridiculous with her, and the kids' education is being compromised, which is infuriating much of my family. I see this as an opportunity to bring up everything that is a concern, that nobody has been able to get my brother's attention to discuss on a civil basis. Then once it's said and done, it's done. I don't know what will happen, but there is enough of the concern (beyond his money borrowing) to be brought to his attention.

     

    I agree with Kendra. I'd let it go.

    As difficult as it is, I would also do this. It's tough, though!
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