Sex & Romance
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I caught him!
so I have this app on my phone and for some reason today its saying f-u... so im going to post off the computer. Anyway. I was up early like always taking care off the kids and cleaning the house. So I folded all the clothes and walked in the bedroom where DH was suppose to still be asleep I see him jump scramble and turn over....I asked him why he freaked out....he said I scared him. Umm yeah right. so I put my clothes away leave the room. Wait about 5 minutes and start gathering clothes to wash. Walk back in there and he jumps again. So yeah, im not stupid. I know what your doing. I just told him laughing it off a bit to " stop touching yourself" he said in a mean way ... " well if you would stop walking in here this would be over by now.".... well damn make me feel like ***. We have sex all the time. Its not like he's deprived. 30 minutes later when he finnaly came out of the bedroom he said I shouldn't be mad because its for my own good. Otherwise he's just going to touch on me and with the kids awake we cant do anything. But im still upset. ugh 
Re: I caught him!
We've said it a thousand times: NORMAL BEHAVIOR.
Offer him a hand next time...or go double click yer own mouse.;)
I find it so weird when people get legitimately mad at their partners for masturbating. I mean, srsly? They're not cheating on you. The "aren't I enough for you?" argument is so silly to me. Sex and masturbation don't even FEEL the same. They're totally different vibes. Apples and oranges, people.
Relax, stop smothering your H and give him some space next time instead of giving him a guilt complex over nothing.
THIS THIS THIS.
Get over yourself. His masturbating has NOTHING to do with you.
And for God's sake...it's his peen. he can do whatever he wants with it.
EXACTLY!!! Now, I could see there being a problem if he ONLY masturbated, but you said you have sex all the time. How about a quickie?? If he was already half way there, it shouldn't take too long.
I was pissed at him for yelling at me. damn go in the frickin shower. Hes never really fussed at me before and Im all pregnant and huge doesnt help i know hes looking at those nice skinny girls on his blackberry. :-P made me feel like seeing me was turning him off.
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I am sorry to hear that you are feeling less than attractive to your husband during this time. Pregnancy is full of weird at some point I think because there are a bunch of physical changes going on and those changes may make your husband nervous about having sex with you. He may masturbate because he just wants a "snack" (not the full meal of sex with you) and to get rid of the horny feeling. I don't think its fair to chastise him for taking care of himself. Its 100% normal.
That being said, he doesn't need to be ugly, rude or insensitive about it. I imagine that you are having some body-image issues and the idea of him spanking off to some hot chick makes you feel insecure. I wouldn't worry. My husband watches porn and he is ALWAYS happier to get busy with me. ;-)
Relax. Put your feet up and enjoy the experience of being pregnant instead of worrying about how your husband services himself. I promise you will feel better for it.
Now, this is a different story than "OMGZ I caught him jerkin' it, GROSS!!!!"
You should tell him that. Odds are you're being overly sensitive and he wasn't actually thinking this, but not feeling like you're attractive to your partner is different than getting mad at them for performing normal human behaviors. You may be overreacting, but your feelings still deserve addressing.
"Honey, I don't mind you masturbating, or even wanting your privacy while you do so. But when you snap at me like that, it makes me feel like crap. It made me feel like I turned you off."
Congrats on the wedding NQB!
I am appalled at the comments people are posting to this. "What is the problem?" I will tell you them problem. He is looking at someone OTHER than his WIFE. Imagining being with a woman that is not his WIFE! Make sense? That IS cheating. There is nothing normal or right or "whatever" about that.
If this is what YOUR husband does on a regular basis than I feel sorry for you. KaraWplus3 I am sorry that you had to catch your husband doing that. I would say it is nothing if he wasn't looking at pictures on his phone but because he was, I can just imagine how that would make you feel. Unloved, untrusted etc. I am also very pregnant so I understand the emotion behind it.
As for the rest of you, I am sorry you live like that and that you have a husband or partner who doesn't love you, your body and repect you and NO ONE ELSE the way he should. Shame on you if you think that is okay.
Erin,
Unfortunately your information is inaccurate concerning masturbation as a behavior. It has very little to do with "respect" and a lot to do with human sexual behavior. I will grant that a couple should be mindful of masturbation in lieu of any intercourse with their spouse. It is not a substitute but a self-soothing behavior that has very little to do with how the spouse (male or female) feels about their significant other.
Masturbation is natural, normal & nothing to be ashamed of
(this is not some shining medical proof, by the way, but Dr. Drew does make an appearance
)
My husband uses adult materials every now and then. A nudie picture or porn film has absolutely nothing to do with how he feels about me. I am confident enough in myself, my sexual allure and my own self-image that I am not threatened by this. I understand that he has an urge and he is satisfying it in a non-threatening manner. I would rather my husband masturbate than be miserable, or look elsewhere (read:cheating) to get his fix.
I do understand that the idea that a husband might find other women sexually attractive could be threatening. I also appreciate that body image undergoes a big metamorphosis during pregnancy. It is depressing for a pregnant woman to see her husband getting off to another woman that she thinks is more attractive than she is at the moment. However, with all that considered I think you are making the masturbation issue about YOU when it is not about you at all. It is about satisfying an urge for that moment and after that its gone. I can almost guaruntee you that the thoughts, and desires for "that woman on the phone" go right out the window once a man is finished with them.
Relax. We are just giving her advice that is level-headed and accurate.
I agree with BettyBookWorm because I really doubt that once I guy is married, he can turn off the way he is hardwired to act. Guys are physical creatures by nature and are not built to only look at one woman for all eternity. Even if a guy does not watch porn, he is still checking out other girls in the mall, restaurant, on tv, and anywhere else he sees someone that is attractive.
If someone thinks that any guy that checks out another woman is cheating, then I guess all men are cheaters because not only have I never met a man that actually did not look at porn, but all men check out other girls, or even have an occasional dirty thought about an ex or something. Girls do it too and I see nothing different between men and women because women can masturbate, look at other guys, and then say that men doing the same thing is cheating.
My man looks at porn and I am confident enough to not mind it because I know he thinks I am sexy because he comes to me to get his, unless I cannot help him at the moment, like in your situation where the kids were awake, or when he is deployed. We love each other emotionally and physically and I think that part of that attraction is that we are both secure in our sexuality and do not get threatened by the other one looking at others on occasion. It just reminds us that we are both so in love and so good as what we do, that even though we may notice other people, we know that our spouse is the best and can feel lucky to be with them.
You've never masturbated and thought of someone other than your husband? I call bull shiit. But then again, you strike me as the kind of lady who waits around for your H to service you instead of taking care of your own needs.
It is about balance, what don't you get about that?
I never once said masturbation in and of itself is wrong, but I completely disagree with looking at another person than your spouse. It is disrespectful and damaging whether you guys see it or not.
You guys can call BS on whatever you want. I have never thought of someone else other than my husband since I have been with him. Perhaps when I was single it was different, but I made vows to give him my whole self and visa versa.
Masturbation? Yes, normal. Gratifying yourself to the images of someone you are not married to? Wrong. Society has made is "normal" but why do so many men struggle with pornography? Because they KNOW it's not right but have beome addicted to it anyway. You can't tell me that you LIKE when your husband looks at another woman. To say you "don't mind" or "don't care" is something I would call BS on. It affects you more deeply than you could ever imagine.
However, I have said my peace and will not comment futher. I'm just thankful I have a husband who loves me and respects the vows he made to me.
I think the thing here is boundaries. These should definitely be established in the beginning. When my DH and I first got together, he came with an extensive porn collection and some toys. Of course, I felt threatened at first. Once I became more comfortable in the relationship and with myself, that all faded. We check out other people at the same time - guys and girls. We even watch porn together sometimes. We also have a very clear agreement about masturbation.
Whether or not your views of masturbation/porn/fantasizing/checking out others are right is not for anyone to judge. (Erin, please get off your soapbox.) You've already said that the issue was his reaction. Ask him about it. And please don't feel threatened by anything he looks at...he has sex with you.
Have to laugh at you Erin.... you REALLY think your husband don't look at pictures or porn and imagine himself with them? ALL men do it... grow up and learn the truth.
::butts in:: Your dog is too cute!!
::butts out::
I had similar situation. Walked in caught hubby in act. etc etc.
At first I was REALLY upset, I felt like why was he doing that when he has a wife. Was I not enough?...Was he not attracted to me?...and then the even more horrible question was he thinking of the pictures instead of me when we were together.
After I calmed down we talked, he apologize multiple times for giving me the impression I wasn't enough. Guys are more visual girls are more emotional. Then I started to realize my real hurt stemmed a lot from my own self consciousness.
Maybe his "mean attitude" had to do with embarrassment?
Your husband is not the first nor will he be the last to get "caught". As for whether or not it's "okay" you guys have to decide that. TALK it out!!
I was kind of shocked at the concept too until I took a job at a desk just around the corner from the coffee shop were the guys take breaks.
Sorry but men and women are "wired" different.
She doesn't realize any man in a time of need. He will "pull his willy" to the memory or image of any good looking nude or nearly nude female he has ever seen.
Face it. You man is going to "***" several times a week. You may or may not be involved with the process..........
That said, I don't think it's right to a husband to "pleasure himself" to a women who isn't his wife. When I was two months pregnant with a flat tummy but boobs like I never had before. I gave DH a bunch of nudies of myself for his pleasure when "I wasn't up to it."
Then again when on vacation with DH we stumbled onto a nude beach. Everybody else was nude and we were the freaks with clothes. All those years I spent in a wet skin tight bathing suit. We were all very nearly been skinny dipping in front of all those curious guys. It wasn't a big deal to go nude on the beach. DH had it in control until I took my bathing suit bottom off. He couldn't help himself, he got an erection from me. On a beach with dozens of other good looking naked women.