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Need some advice
I have rewritten this a million times because I am so upset over it and don't know how to explain.
My best friend confessed some pretty heavy duty shiit on me last night. I am not sure how to deal with it because I am so sad over it. She is ashamed over it and obviously this is something she wants to keep between us. She asked me not to tell my H.
I share everything with him. I want to be loyal to my friend but I don't want to feel like I am keeping secrets from my husband.
Has anyone ever experienced something like this?
Re: Need some advice
morning, Winger.
I had two main reactions to this--
the first was that it is HER confession, and you aren't keeping secrets from B by not telling him because it's not your confession/secret to tell him. If you want to stay loyal to your friend, you can and should without feeling badly about keeping things from your husband.
the second reaction was when I re-read it and noted that you felt sad about the confession yourself. If you are having some personal emotional turmoil over this and would feel better discussing it with your husband, then you should do what feels right. She might have told you something heavy and asked you specificially not to tell B, but he's your partner and her expectations might be unrealistic. Is she asking too much by telling you not to tell B? When I learn about something (from a friend, etc.) I can't help but think they HAVE to know that I may discuss this with J. He's my partner and family. J would never tell anyone else and I assume B wouldn't either.
I guess I'm not much real help. I think you should do whichever you feel right and not feel guilty about it.
Unless it's something that involves your husband in some way (or if it's information that could get you in trouble) I don't think you're being disloyal by keeping it from him. But since it's obviously really weighing on you, I also don't think you're being disloyal to your friend by talking about it with B. No easy answers.
does she want to fuuuck a dog?
--sorry, bad humor . . .
if you are already concerned about how you will act around her and her H, then that puts too much pressure on you. I always wish my friends DIDN'T tell me something like that. Honestly, it puts you in a tight spot and you could really go either way here. But again, you shouldn't feel guilty about whichever way you decide.
and I tell J everything, if that helps you decide. But he has a good poker face and I don't worry about him "giving it away."
hahha, in a way, tasty. in a way.
As much as it is hard for me to deal with, seeing her breakdown because she felt so guilty and has no one to turn to broke my heart. She is so lost. I want to be there for her too.
I'm thissing all up in this joint. Zane is the master at straight face stuff. He really should have been in the CIA or something.
I think if it's severe enough to affect your relationship with the couple, you are probably going to need to tell B. He's going to notice something is up anyway, right?
Yeah, I would tell Brett in that situation. I think it's selfish and unrealistic of your friend to ask you to keep it from him and deal with it completely on your own. And obviously, B is the kind of guy who is not going to go blabbing about it after you discuss it with him.
But Fallin's advice is probably solid too. It would definitely make me feel better to tell her first.
The nerve!
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yeah, I see the point in talking to her first for sure. I don't want to be disloyal to anyone.
Well, I'm just going to assume your friend is obviously having an affair. And it's tough because it seems like the 4 of you hang out in a couples kind of way... I think B would definitely treat her differently if you told him. I say this because I know B so well and I've hung out with him on multiple occasions...
Tough situation, man...
I you have to, have to discuss with B I think it's only fair to let your friend know that you did/ or are planning on it. She told you her secret in confidence and you agreed to hear her out and keep her secret - and it's a shitty one, so I understand your turmoil... But I really do like what Tasty had to say about her secret having nothing to do with you and B - so you shouldn't feel like you're keeping anything from your husband.
If you need to talk to someone about how it's making you feel, we're your someones, no?
awww, thanks hezz. and you do have Mr. Winged pegged pretty well you know.
I just love these people. They are more than friends, they are my family. I don't like to see them hurting. She is always this tough attitude person and she broke down in a way last night that made me realize her toughness is an act.
I think since B is away (I think he is still away) you have the luxury of seeing how much it weighs on you in a day or two before deciding if you're goirnt to talk to him. I agree that if you're going to tell him, you need to tell her first. Ideally, if you can keep it to yourself, in a way where B wouldn't feel betrayed if he found out you knew, I would try to. If it weighs to much on you or if it would have consequences for your relationship if you didn't tell B then you have to tell him.
DId she ask you to keep it private from B before she confesssed or after? What did you tell her?
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If I were a man (or fitty) I'd totally call my penis THE WIZARD - HappyTummy
he'll be home in a couple of hours.
she asked after.
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If I were a man (or fitty) I'd totally call my penis THE WIZARD - HappyTummy
That's a sucky spot to be in, sorry Winger.
My opinion is that if it's something like "I was molsted as a child and I've never told anyone" that it would be REALLY shitty to tell anyone, including your husband, because there is zero reason to. Anything like that doesn't directly affect him or yourself or your relationship with these people.
But it sounds more like it's infidelity or something else that affects the here and now and their relationship and possibly your relationship with them, and that's obviously a much more complicated situation. I don't know what the right answer is, but my likely reaction would be to tell Heith (if it were the second scenario).
Keeping a secret meant I wouldn't tell anyone other than my husband.
M says that it mean she would not tell anyone other than her husband and her mother.
(If my mom had been alive, I also would have said that)
GL deciding
Well, I told him. I am going to talk to her about it and let her know.
Thanks everyone for the advice. I feel good about it.
Well, I was goin to offer very similar advice that everyone offered. I couldn't keep anything like that away from E. If it affects me, it then affects us, and he would be bothered not knowing what was "wrong" with me.
I am glad you told him, I hope that your friend understands and I hope you can absorb it all. From the sound of it, it is a pretty shocking revelation.
I'm glad you told him. I understand your friend's shame/anxiety, but it's an unfair position to put you in. One of my biggest relationship issues is the "What's wrong?"/"Nothing! I'm fine!" exchange. It would certainly put undue strain on any relationship I was in and your friend should understand that.
Good luck.
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
Thanks. I feel better now that I have had a chance to talk with him about it. She and I are going to have a big talk because part of it that rubs me wrong is that it is obviously an infidelity issue as hezz pointed out and now we are keeping a secret from her spouse, who is also our friend.