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Grudges
Do you hold them? Or are you the type of person that can let stuff go, especially when it's not a big deal?
Me, I used to hold more grudges than I could really carry. (Could be why I had such horrible posture for so long.) But now, not so much. Life is too short to hold them anymore unless the person/people hurt my family or best friends.
I see H's ex holding onto grudges about the most redonkulous things.. small little crap that really doesn't make a difference in her life. It's horrible to watch. You just want to smack her and say MOVE ON! You cannot fix anything in the past. Work today to make a better future, ya know?
What about you? Do you hold grudges against people for long periods of time, even when their infraction was pretty small? Are you the bigger person and just let it go? Or by holding the grudge, are you the one making yourself out to be worse than the person you have the grudge against in the first place?
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Re: Grudges
I do
I know it is bad and childish and it is something I am working on.
I don't let things affect (effect? grr I never know which one to use, anywho) my day to day relationships with people but I have a mind like an elephant, I never forget. Next time we have a fight I'll bring up something that thing you probably forgot about because it was six months ago and you thought it was resolved because we haven't spoke of it since.
Yes, I suck.
LOL, Britt. I don't think that makes you suck.
The elephant memory thing? Yeah, I got that right over here. And I really hate it at times. I can remember things that I should NEVER remember. I have tried to be more of the "I can forgive but never forget" type. Cause really, I cannot forget. But dwelling on it lately just takes up too much time and energy.
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My H and I were just talking about this the other day because my mom holds crazy grudges. Just last night, I was talking about wanting to go to Lava Hot Springs for a weekend trip with H. My mom ranted for 20 minutes about how much she hates Lava Hot Springs. We went there once when I was about 5. The heat and showers in the ladies locker room were broken and she has never forgotten it.
I only hold one major grudge against one person because the things she did to me were major and I'll never forgive her.
But, aside from that, I can't do it. My aunt rsvp'd no to my wedding on my facebook wall. I was so hurt. I said I didn't want to see that family when they were in town. Fast forward a couple of months and they are in town, and we're going to dinner together. Until someone asked me if I was ok with the dinner, I had forgotten that I was upset with these people at all.
Like Knibs said, It just takes too much energy to dwell on things.
I used to hold grudges all of the time. Having such an unhealthy relationship and still being bitter and angry about the past with my Mom just made me a bad person.
But ever since I have allowed God into my life, I have gotten much better at letting things go, esp the small stuff that doesn't really matter in the larger scheme of things. Although I do still catch myself sometimes and H really helps me with it, too. Until one can truly forgive someone or something, you cannot let it go.
Nope I don't hold grudges. It really takes a lot for me to ever hold a grudge, and its usually because shiit has built up over time.
I do get really angry though at first. And then Im fine like 10 minutes later.
H is complete opposite. Sometimes he doesn't get angry but give him 10 minutes to think about it and he starts to get angry. He likes to bring up the past in arguments. Its not fun at all! I dont see the point considering it has nothing to do with the current situation.
I am definitely someone who is a forgiver. I just think it makes me more angry when I hold a grudge than to let it go. So it is more for my sanity than others.
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um not so much. if it's a one off deal i just dont care enough and i let it go; everyone has problems/flaws.
if it's a consistent situation/behavior that bothers me i'll just remove myself from that relationship and stop caring- at best i'll just be apathetic. if it's a forced interaction, say, at work and someone is a total dbag and they're always that way and never change, yea i hold a grudge in the sense that i dont like them at all, and that isnt gonna change, but i still have to associate with them so i can be civil, but i'm not going to go out of my way to help them.
i'm much more reactionary than anything else. if i cant remove myself from a situation (like work or family), it can get sticky, but it's less about grudges, and more about whether or not i like someone. and clearly if it's family and it's an ongoing problem i dont really think that's a grudge- it's a valid problem that should be dealt with.
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This is a hard topic...
I consider myself someone who forgives easily. And for the most part I do. Someone can "wrong" me, we can discuss it, and I can literally forgive and forget. Not, "forget" in the sense that I will think of it again during the next fight, but REALLY forget... never to be thought of again.
What I find challenging, is letting go of grudges towards someone who makes no effort on their part to rectify situations. I find myself becoming bitter towards people in which I put forth effort but get nothing in return. My beliefs tell me that I need to let it go and continue to forgive, but it's really hard when I continue forgive, yet the same wrongs keep happening.
I find the most difficult time I have in forgetting wrongs, is when the wrong is committed towards a loved one. I'm more easy to forgive when something happens to me, but I find myself holding VERY bitter grudges towards people like H's dad, who has wronged him continuously over the course of the last 10 years.
I TRY not to let grudges creep in and I pray that I will be strong. But I'm a passionate person. If I care deeply and I'm wronged over and over (or if someone I love is subjected to wrongs), it's hard to do the right thing.
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Big things Ill hold onto forever, because Im terrified of being hurt again.
Little things I can get over with some discussion or distance.
typically i do not hold gurdges. i just can't. especially with people i love. if someone really hurts me i can definitely forgive them and move on but there is a little part inside me that tends to be cautious with that person for a while and then things are back to normal.
there is one person that i have a huge grudge against. and we haven't spoken in almost 2 years. they have caused so much pain in my life and i just got to the point where i couldn't suck it up anymore. part of me wants to just forget it... life is so short... but most of me wants to hold my ground on this one and not let this person back into my life. i'm sure i'll regret this decision in the long run but thats something i'll have to deal with when the time comes.
I get upset, vent about it, and generally get over it. H holds some grudges, mainly with people who really hurt him. @ work I wish I could say what I think to some of the nurses under me and then I would feel better, but unfortunately the organization shuns that...
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