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I'm Breaking up with My Friend (LONG)
There?s a girl that DH has been good friends with for around 10 years, and I have come to be friends with her as well ? let?s call her Jane for reading comprehension?s sake. Jane?s always been a bit of a drama queen but it?s gotten really bad over the past few months. She?s been having some problems (nothing too bad) and complains non-stop to anyone with two ears ? to the point where people have been avoiding her.
This all came to a crescendo on Saturday. One of my best friends got married that day and a ton of our friends were at the wedding. My friend spent a lot of time planning this beautiful wedding that she?s dreamed of her whole life and Jane tried to turn it into her own personal sh*t show. She spent the entire time crying (literally, tears rolling down her face) to anyone within earshot, and cornering one person after another to cry to them. And again, the problems she?s having are not that severe - the crux of it is that her boyfriend of 2 ? years has not proposed yet. She also had her boyfriend confront a girl who had stopping speaking to her, and he started yelling at the girl in the middle of the reception, right off the dance floor. It was all so inappropriate and everyone was annoyed. The bride noticed all this, by the way; when I saw her the next day it was the first thing she asked me about and I downplayed what happened.
And then here?s the kicker. My friends aren?t usually ones to gossip, but with the way Jane was acting, of course everyone started talking about her. A friend of mine and DH?s who is an acquaintance of Jane?s told me that a couple weeks ago Jane told her that my DH was in love with her for years and that she could have married him!!! I came to find out that she?s been saying this for YEARS. I was shocked, partly because that?s such an inappropriate thing to say about a married man ? and also because I know it's not true. I know who DH has had crushes on in the past and, yes, a couple of them are still friends with him and I?m cool with that.
When I told DH this he was floored. He never had a second of romantic feelings for this girl and she is completely delusional. We have other friends who have stopped speaking to Jane, they said because of similar fabrications, but we never totally believed them? until now. I really think that Jane is completely nuts.
I am so beyond angry I couldn?t sleep last night. Just please tell me that I?m not overreacting by being upset that a friend of ours is telling all of our friends that my husband was in love with her. Because I?m pretty friggin upset and it takes a lot to rile me up. I can?t remember a time that I?ve had to abruptly cut a good friend from my life, but that?s exactly what I?ll be doing. It's going to kill her too because she has said that she considers me and DH her "best friends" - not that we ever thought that, she wasn't even considered for our 15 person wedding party.
Sorry for the long rant, I feel like I don?t want to vent too much to my IRL friends and stir up more drama so I?m sort of letting it all out here.
Re: I'm Breaking up with My Friend (LONG)
It is completely inappropriate of her to be telling people that your DH is in love with her, true or not (obviously not true though). I think that you are not over reacting at all. Her acting like a total baby at your friends wedding is awful as well. No one should try and steal the attention at a wedding, and no one should try and make a wedding into a sad thing either, people are there to have fun, not to listen to someones problems.
She does not sounds like someone that you want in your life, and as I am getting older I am realizing that some friends are just not worth it.
Good luck, and I hope that you are feeling better about it!
Woah...that sounds like WAY too much drama...I wouldn't blame you for cutting her out and it seems you are going the way of most of your friends.
That being said...has anyone ever told her or pointed out how her personality grates on everyone around her?
Wow. That is completely inappropriate behavior for someone that age (I'm guessing mid 30s)!! I would probably cut this friend out of my life too so I don't think you are overracting.
I too have a friend (my MOH in my wedding) who I haven't spoken to in some time.....She is an exhausting person and is so judgmental of people and their lives that I just don't know that we are on the same page anymore....
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Soooo not overreacting. I was cool w/ you breaking up with her even before her comments about DH!
I think once you pass a certain age you realize that quality of friendship is always more important than quantity, and there is no reason to keep someone around who brings you more stress/anger/sadness/whatever than good.
Um, I would be FLIPPING OUT.
Kick her to the curb, she deserves it.
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This. And Cindy's comment about her being "toxic" is what I was thinking too. I would steer away from that train wreck- you should enjoy your friends not be worrying about what kind of drama is going to pop up!
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Thanks everyone. Yes, she's 35 - way too old to be acting like this. A few of our friends have stopped speaking to her and called her out on her actions but she always said it was the other person's fault. I don't know why it never dawned on me before that she is the sole source of drama within our otherwise mature circle of friends; I guess since the drama has never before impacted me and DH directly I just let it go.
What's sad is that she can be a really nice girl and was always the first one there if you needed help with something - I mean obviously she had some redeeming qualities or we wouldn't have been friends with her for so long. She seriously needs some therapy and has acting progressively crazier over the past few months so I'm actually wondering if it's the onset of mental illness. Although apparently she's pulled stuff like this in the past and has been saying the stuff about DH for years, so who knows. I'm thinking of having DH talk to her BF about it and suggest she seek help, but I don't want to cause problems between them. Other than the incident at the wedding her BF's a really stand-up guy.
I'm about to de-friend her on FB. She's on there constantly so she'll figure it out pretty quickly, and if she comes to me to ask why I will be honest with her.
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And I must add that I love that in this day and age, all you have to do to "break up" with someone is remove them from your friends list on Facebook. So much easier than a screaming match in a bar like we used to do in the old days.
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Completely agreed. Just cut her out & don't go all NJ Housewives on her & have a meeting with her to tell her that you're not going to have anything to do with her anymore. Just be sure to "have plans" each time she calls & wants to get together. She sould get the hint (let's hope). GL
Wow, yeah, I agree, "Jane" sounds totally toxic to everyone around her, and needs serious help. That's not fair of her to try and take everyone at the wedding hostage - or at least the ones she could corner to talk to.
I would try not to let her comments about DH get to you -- though I know that's easier said than done. Anyone worth their mettle who knows you will either know it's not true or won't care either way. "Jane" would probably like nothing better than to sabotage your relationship with DH, even if outwardly she would probably deny it.
I know what you mean about friends who have a lot of good in them but that good is clouded by a lot of other negative traits. It's probably not worth it to have to sift through that crappy chaff to get to the wheat.
So sorry you're going through this. I think you're approach (distance yourself and if she confronts you then be open with her about why) is a good one. Good luck! And ((((HUGS))))
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LOL! Isn't our modern technology age something? But I agree with you...I have cut "exhausting" friends off too, most of them since I passed age 35...I just think my bullsh*t quotient just dropped around that time. I think you are doing the right thing. I would be upset as well :-)
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