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here is a story for you

*****WARNING: THIS STORY INCLUDES POOP***** 

On Sunday we went to a picnic for Lorne's lab. Everyone brought lots of delicious things, and made lots of delicious desserts, but my son, of course, latched on to the store-bought cupcakes with neon frosting. He begged for one throughout his lunch. When the time finally came he selected a white cupcake with neon pink frosting. He loved the cupcake so much. He dove face first into the frosting; when he came up for air he looked like a sort of demented clown, which made me cry a little. But the frosting was piled high, so despite the amount that smeared on his face and fingers and shirt and elbows and pants, a good lot of it made it in his belly.

Yesterday when I was changing Will before his nap, he warned me that he'd pooped. That's okay, you poop all the time Will. "It's a big poop." (If he is this in touch with his poop you'd think maybe he could tell me beforehand and go in the toilet, right? But no.) So I open up the diaper. 

"LORNE! LORNE COME IN HERE!" I shout.

Lorne runs into Will's room, on the phone with his brother, and his jaw drops. "That isn't right." The poop is an unnatural red color. This is a color that should never be found in a toilet (or a diaper). To get your poop this red it'd have to contain a whole lot of blood. And maybe there'd have to be something wrong with your blood, like your veins were filled with fire engine red lipstick and not blood.

"No, no it's not," I said. 

"Nate, I may need to call Will's doctor, can I call you back?" Lorne says to his phone.

"Wait!" I exclaim. Lorne stares at me, wide-eyed. "The cupcake! The food coloring in the god-awful frosting!" 

We both breathe a sigh of relief. I clean the creepy poop off Will and get him ready for a nap. Lorne goes back to talking to his brother about football. 

The end. 

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Re: here is a story for you

  • You really should have saved this for Thursday.

    The guy I dated before Mr. Spiderman once yelled, "Get in here, quick!" all concerned-like when he was in the bathroom.  I was like, "There is no way in hell I am looking at your poo." His poo was forest green.  I reminded him of all the black Slurpees he had been drinking and he instantly felt better.

    image
    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • At first, I read it as Will told you about the cupcake as in "The cupcake Mom!  Duh!"  I liked that version better. 

    Cali, what flavor is this black Slurpee? 

    image
    "Once I got a bath bomb that, once exploded, filled the tub with confetti. Little sharp metallic pieces of confetti. The product description said nothing about confetti. Oh look, there's a tiny, sharp metallic blue star stabbing me in the labia. HOW RELAXING. " - NoisyPenguin
  • i am trying to envisin this poop. like is it just red tinged or is it red like it could be confused with red playdo?
  • This was probably 8 years ago so I don't remember what flavor the Slurpee was.
    image
    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • Like red playdough but a bit darker. It was shocking.

    image

  • There is a facebook group for everything, Cali.

    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=25348861641

    image Ready to rumble.
  • I just LOL'ed Kristen.  And then wondered how you searched for that.  Too funny!
    image
    "Once I got a bath bomb that, once exploded, filled the tub with confetti. Little sharp metallic pieces of confetti. The product description said nothing about confetti. Oh look, there's a tiny, sharp metallic blue star stabbing me in the labia. HOW RELAXING. " - NoisyPenguin
  • Sometimes my cookies turn poop different colors.  It's just an added surprise.
  • My sister and I used to get black licorice ice cream from this little place in the mall where we used to live and it would turn our poop that forest green color! The ice cream was horrible but the poop was worth it to my 9 year old self.
  • HA! That's awesome.

     Just FYI grape flavoured items produce an ungodly green poop. 

    image Josephine is 4.
  • Excessive beet eating also produces red poop. And pee.
    image
    For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
  • I don't think I have ever eaten beets. I feel like I should try them, but for some reason they skeeve me out.
    image
  • Bears eat beets. 
    image
    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • That would have freaked me out. 

    But now I want a cupcake. 

    Relatedly: some vitamins with tons of vit B turn your pee neon yellow... light a highlighter. I was scared the first time.
    And foods with food coloring can make your boob milk change color too. Gwen got green stuff one day thanks to too much mint chocolate chip ice cream.


    image
    Maybe I don't have a heightened sense of smell, but I've never smelled any vagina on my pants. -- TSD

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

    Bloggity Blog - You know you want to...
  • I don't like them, they taste like earth. Kevin eats them like apples. So does Dwight.
    image
    For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
  • Bears. Beets. Battlestar Gallactica.

    When I was in college one of my friends read something about how one of the B vitamins can help cure a hangover. He bought a giant jar of whatever B vitamin it was, then passed them out to people after we'd been drinking. Whatever B vitamin it was, it was the one that made your pee neon yellow.  

    image

  • imagenoisy_penguin:

    When I was in college one of my friends read something about how one of the B vitamins can help cure a hangover. He bought a giant jar of whatever B vitamin it was, then passed them out to people after we'd been drinking. Whatever B vitamin it was, it was the one that made your pee neon yellow.  

    Ha!  We did the same thing.

    I'm not sure what I would do if/when something like this comes from Andy.  Probably grab a camera.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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