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I really want to please him....
I feel like this is WAY TMI for a first post, but I've been lurking, and all the posts here are TMI....
When we got married I was a virgin, FI was not (and the one other person he has slept with wasn't a virgin when they met, so he'd never dealt with someone so...tight....before). He is not circumcised, so he feels a lot more, which is usually good, but because I'm so tight, it means right now, sex is just painful for him - even more than it is for me! We've been married 10 days, and managed to have full inercourse 5 times. But the problem is, because it hurts him so much to get in and going, he usually loses the erection before he can finish.
I have been very generous with alternate methods (BJ, hand, etc...) so he is able to enjoy himself some times, but I feel like it's backfiring. He knows he can get his release if we use an alternate method, so it already feels like he prefers them to actual inercourse.
He told me the other day that he is "scared to have sex" (because it hurts), but he also said "I can't wait until we get to the point where we just want to jump each other all the time."
I've been assuring him that every time we do it, it will get better, but unfortunately there is no way for me to losen up without stretching. We've been doing everything I can think of to help me relax as much as possible (glass of red wine, lots of foreplay, relaxation techniques, lube).
I feel like our communication has been open, but I feel like there is nothing else I can do! I suggested using condoms (he says he doesn't want to because he doesn't want to "not feel it" - I tell him our problem is he's feeling too much!), I even suggested buying a vibrator for myself so I could use it to stretch without hurting him, but he wasn't too keen on that idea either.
I really want to vamp up our sex life (yes, some of you will day every other day is good, but I want it to be GOOD sex, not just sex). Any ideas or "helpful hints"??? (and yes, I know "practice makes perfect" - but I'm not patient :-p)
Re: I really want to please him....
The lube helps a lot (we actually still can't get it in without lube)
I was thinking of suggesting he go to a doctor if it doesn't get better in a week or so.
I've been recently, but before we got married
Well as an intact man myself I can tell you that his foreskin should be a help rather than a hindrance. That said, it is possible to tear the foreskin if the man is very inexperienced. The best method is for him to push his foreskin right back and hold the surplus skin down around the base of his penis while you both carefully work the head into your entrance,...use plenty of lubricant and don't stop until most of his available shaft is inside you. Use a gentle but constant pressure so that your muscles can adjust. The head, or glans, of even an excited man is soft and squashy to aid dilation and penetration. From this point on his foreskin should make things much easier because he will be able to slide inside his skin so that only the head has any direct friction against the inside of your vagina. Most women are a lot larger in their vagina than they are at the entrance.
Men who tear their foreskins usually get too excited and try to penetrate in a hurry without pushing the hood back to give it a chance to smooth out. In some countries this is regarded as evidence in rape cases and thought to point to careless forceful intercourse. If you both keep his hood held right back around the shaft and use smooth pressure tearing will not be able to happen and he will feel much happier and more confident.
This is very interesting - we've been doing pretty much the opposite.
He was with his ex for 2 years, but it's been 5 years since they were together, so I don't know if that counts as "inexperienced" or not
Well yo are oly his second partner and this DOES sound like inexperience to me.......
I forgot to metion that it might be a good idea to make sure that he CAN easily push his foreskin right back off of the glans when he is erect. A surprisingly large number of young men have a tight hood and don't tell anyone until they have their first sexual experiences with their girlfriends. Presumably you have both enjoyed some previous sex-play and he has let you fondle his erection and pull back the hood? If you have not had previous experience of an intact man then you should know that it is essential that the hood can go right back down the shaft so that the rim of the glans is completely visible. The hood it 'tied' to the head underneath,..this is called the 'frenulum' and is the part whjich can tear if the skin is allowed to bunch up during penetration.......this is also the most sensitive part of the penis.
he says the skin is pulling too much, and that is what hurts (and the head is really sensitive), but we've been bunching it forward before we go for it, so we might be tearing it and didn't even know!
I'll have to try this on him and see what he thinks.
Thanks for all the tips.
Now I'm going to go die of embarassment for ever sharing!
Don't worry either about only being able to do it with lube for now, mostly people need it a lot of the time. It's a lot better than not using it and hurting each other.
I'd try what the PP's suggested and if it doesn't get better then definitely get him to see a doctor just to get everything checked.
Agreed! 8 years with my DH and we still use lube almost every time. Its nothing to feel abnormal about.
If his foreskin hurts from "pulling" then the more I think about this the more I wonder if he can actually pull it right back when he's erect..........
............Make sure you see his erection with the hood right off the head!.....If he can't do this then THIS is the problem and you both need to get this sorted out either by surgical help or by stretching it back gently while you enjoy sex play for a few days/weeks. Please note that it does NOT mean that he automatically needs a full circumcision !!
Also, get him to show you how he masturbates as this will help you to sort things out a bit more.
I've seen it fully pulled back when he's erect (like when I'm giving him a hand-job), but he says it's really sore when it's like that.
And no, I would NEVER ask him to be circumcised unless we were sat down by a doctor and they told us he absolutely had to have it (for some odd reason)
It hurts even when you're just giving him a hand job? Are you using lube or a lot of saliva when you do this? It's a little strange otherwise that it would hurt if it's just a hand job, have you asked him if it hurts when he masturbates too (if not ask) if it doesn't hurt when he does it himself you need to find out what he does that's different than what you do to him, whether it's lubrication or what.
Since you're new at this a vibrator might be a bit much for you to handle in terms of using it to stretch your vagina... I recommend using a dilator set to start off with; Vaginismus.com has the best set available if you ask me. Good luck!
Good grief. You have been married 10 days and you want what? Perfection?
Can an average person you never played baseball before. Pickup a bat and hit a home run the first time up? Say goes for your sex life.
Relax and forget the unrealistic expectations. It seems most people who wait for marriage.Expect the first week of virgin honeymoon sex to have enough orgasms and good feelings to make up for the previous 5-10 years of sex you missed because you were being "good". Are you expecting some kind of reward?
Are you 18 or 28? Have you ever masturbated?
Quit worrying, you are not a failure. He can orgasm well enough on BJ's for a while if you get too sore. If you won't do that, then at least pose naked and let him whack off for relief. It just takes time and practice to get your "parts" in condition. Lube, lube, lube and go slow. Try a different lube too. Some people are sensitive to some brands.
You still be mentally "uptight" from everything you heard at home, church and school. It's takes a while to go from being on the brakes instead of pushing on the accelerator.
As said before. If there is any muff scruff getting between the two of you. It can make things sore with friction.
1. Ignore binzy, she's a troll.
2. I don't think it's all him, I think it's you too. You should try using dildos to stretch yourself out. And using lube every time is not bad.
3. I've had sex with exactly two people, one is circumcised (DH) and the other was not. I lost my virginity to the uncircumcised guy, and he never complained about anything hurting. It was difficult at first but then it was fine. Foreskin never got in the way.
DS #2 on his way!
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