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Need some friend advice
CN: Can't get approved for a high enough amount for a car loan because of CC debt. Friend owes me large chunk of money for a trip from 3 years ago. She's struggling with money right now. Do I ask for payments or are the statutes of limitations gone?
I just went to apply for a car loan and couldn't get approved for the amount I wanted because of my credit to debt ratio or whatever it's called. I don't want to settle for a car I don't really want so I'm looking at how to dwindle my credit cards down so I can try again.
A part of my debt is from H. His credit is horrible so he uses my credit cards and has racked some up. We had a big heart to heart a couple months ago and he's making payments on them for what he owes on top of the payments I'm paying. So he's part of the issue but I feel like that's been resolved to what it can be for now.
But, I have this friend. Let's call her C. C and her H and me and my H went on a trip a couple years ago. I paid for the house using my cc and her H and her were supposed to pay me the half when we went on the trip. 3 years later and they haven't. C and her H are struggling right now, but it's in large part to frivoulous spending (but I know I can't tell them how to spend their money.) Now I really need them to pay back for that and the BM dress she owes me for but I don't know how to bring it up. Have the statutes of limitations gone by on the house? Do I have to just drop it and write it off as my stupid mistake? It's a pretty large chunk of money that would really help me get a car that I pretty desperately need.
Opinions?
Thanks for the help. I'm pretty upset right now since this friend has a new house and a new truck and I can't even get a freaking car. I don't want to resent her but I'm afraid that it's happening.
Re: Need some friend advice
i'd be frank with her- let her know that you're applying for a car loan because you need/want a new car and can't get approved because you need to pay your ccs down. maybe something like "hey, i know you and your H have been a little tight with money since our trip, but i was wondering if you could pay me back for that trip we went on X years ago." and feel free to thrown in that they seem to be doing better since they just got a new car.
personally, when it comes to money and friends i try to keep it all separate (to me it's never a loan- i either give them the money no strings attached or i don't- specifically because these things can happen). HTH and GL!
ETA: it also depends on how much you value your friendship with them. if she gets really defensive and angry about paying you back and you want to remain on good terms, you might just have to eat the money.
If you can't get her to give you your money back, can you get a co-signor to help you get a car loan? One of your parents maybe?
Gosh, this is tough situation. Is there any way you could settle for perhaps a gently used newer model car instead of a brand new one?
I am not so sure asking her to co-sign is a good idea bc she will forever (or at least for the term of the loan) be indebted to you even though she already owes you money. I have heard so many bad things about people co-signing for other people and ruining friendships. Now if your parents want to co-sign, that is their decision.
But I just don't think that trying to re-coup the money from her sounds like it is going to work out. I don't want to be too negative, but if you have tried asking for it from her before, and still nothing....I think I might cut my losses with trying to get the money back, continue to pay down your current debt and try to hold off as long as you can buying a new car or get a newer model used one.
I'm pretty sure that Britt isn't suggesting that her friend co-sign...
Situations like this are why they say to never loan friends money. Yikes.
I know the feeling. My BFF owes me almost 1000 dollars and I doubt I will ever see it again. I know that she WANTS to be able to repay me but due to circumstances beyond HER control... it could be years, or never.
And it's hard as hell to ask for money to come back to you. At this point, I don't know if you would be better off letting it go. How close are you? Would this ruin the friendship?
It's almost here! Weeeeeeee!
my read shelf:
43/70 books read
Back in June 2010...
Oops must of read that wrong.
Thanks for the perspective. Hindsight is 20/20. I know better than to lend money but I'm horrible at saying no. And, sadly, I think she knows that and has taken advantage of it for a long time and I'm just now realizing it.
We're pretty close. We lived together for a year and we're pretty inseperable for a couple years after that. I don't want this to end our friendship but I'm not sure I'm going to be able to continue the friendship as closely after this. I think my eyes have finally opened after many years of my parents telling me that I needed to re-evaluate my friendships. (I think I've been like this my entire life. Pick up the tabs for people on things or loan money and never get it paid back. It's just kicking me in the butt now.) Luckily she lives about 200 miles away now so I don't see her often and it's more of a phone friendship.
I think I've decided I'm going to ask for the BM dress money first since that's more recent and would be easier for her to come up with (even in payments.) And then I'll see about the house thing... I'm leaning towards just cutting my loses and calling it a very tough learning situation.
H and I sat down and figured out a strict budget and I think we have things worked on and we're on the right path.
Thanks for the perspectives and letting me vent. It awesome to have an outlet to figure problems out where I know that C won't find out from some other source before I have a chance to talk with her about my feelings.
Missy- My car is still in ok condition- It has it's days but I think it'll last a few more years. I'm not looking at new cars, just a small used SUV since I have horses and would like to be able to haul them around.
ETA: And if I could just get hired on full time in the school district rather than having to work part-time and bide my time things would be looking up.
Married
Taking Control:Updated 1/7
Girl, I hear you LOUD and clear. One of the biggest things my mother has always harped on is how I help people TOO much and always get shafted in return.
Granted, I never do anything expecting to get anything in return... except appreciation. It always took me too long to realize that I was being way too nice and giving way too much.
It's almost here! Weeeeeeee!
my read shelf:
43/70 books read
Back in June 2010...