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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sticky subject question
I just got a bonus from work as part of an award I won, and I'm having a little dilemma. It's not a huge amount of money, but decent, and I really want to put it in savings, like in my IRA.
The problem is, I know if I tell DH about it, he'll want to spend it. He's always talking about all these things he wants to buy, and he'll really push to spend it on something I don't think we need. I don't want to keep this from him, but I feel like this is something I earned, and I should get to decide where it goes. If I tell him, he'll throw a hissy fit about how it should be our money. I don't know what to do.
Your thoughts?
Re: Sticky subject question
Man do I feel your pain! My DH and I are the same way. What about saying something like: "I got a little bit of money from work as part of that award that I won, it's not much so I thought it would be best to just put it in the IRA. I figured that would give us the best return."
Or something similar that alludes to the fact that you've already decided what to do with it, and it's not really open for discussion.
Agreed.
I know how you feel Sara! It's hard huh? Brian is that same way and sometimes I feel that it's better that he not know when we run into "extra" money. But on the other hand, I feel that I don't want to keep anything from him. Especially when it comes to finances.
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Yes! I really feel bad right now because I've had to put money into school purchases, and I always call and ask if I can spend money on certain things. But I bring home almost as much as he does, so it's not like I'm not making money on my own.
I just think that if I make extra, it should be mine to decide, just like if he gets overtime, it should be his to decide.
DH & I keep our money separate. As weird as it sounds, it just works for us. We didn't want to ever fight about money. & we don't.
We have a joint checking account (for our house & to pay our joint amex card), but we also still have our own checking & savings accounts. We also have a joint savings.
I'd say a compromise in this situation is probably best. I would definitely put most of it into your IRA. Then maybe tell him there is a little left over to buy something you NEED. not to just splurge.
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That's a toughie, when we run into extra money we always go out to a nice dinner and do something responsible with the rest... maybe take him out to a nice dinner and at dinner tell him you got some extra dollars that you started an IRA for us, for your future together, or future family or whatever your future looks like. Act like it's a surprise you thought he would be excited about... (just an idea)
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This!
I really like this idea.
This also reminds me of this saying my MIL says to my FIL a lot: "What's yours is mine & what's mine is mine." lol.
If dinner doesn't work for you guys (like it's not your "thing") then is there something reasonable you wouldn't mind spending some of the money on, for your husband? Like something he wants to do or a gadget or something he's been wanting? Maybe spending just a little on something her just wants, and putting the rest in your IRA (which I believe is the best option) would work?
It's a tough situation for sure. DH makes more money then me, came into the marriage with less debt then me, and has more expendable income then me. I have to be honest with you - if he did something like what you want to do, without telling me, I would be pissed. Maybe you can also try pp's idea of saying "Lets spend X on ___, and I think putting the rest in my IRA would be best for our future." Something like that. I would be ok if DH came to me with that idea, rather then not mentioning it at all & me finding out later.
Money is just a tough topic for many people, and I think it's best to always be honest about whatever is going on, especially because your husband finding out later could be even worse. I feel like maybe this is a chance for you guys to grow together. He needs to realize that you can't spend, spend, spend every cent of expendable money you guys make. If he kind of learns to accept that then it will also make it easier for you to be upfront with him.
Ultimately it's up to you because only you know your own relationship.
This! I like the thought of using this as a chance to grow together. Stick to your guns about putting it in an IRA, but I feel like you should absolutely let him in on the decision.
But also take my "advice" with a grain of salt... it's coming from someone who refuses to make any financial decisions. I let DH do all that because I KNOW I suck with money... lol...