Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sex 3 times in 4 years, help!
Ok, so my husband and I don't have sex anymore but decided to have a baby. Reason for no sex is because he lost his desire a long time ago and I've tried to get him excited with no luck. He refuses to go to the doctor to get medication. I've never really cared too much about sex anyway and that is why I've let it go but do miss the intimacy with him so it is like we are roommates. But still the reason I'm asking for help is to get advice because I want to get pregnant and we can't. Is there anything online that anyone has tried? I see they have generic Viagra at drugstore.com but don't know if i should trust this. Also sucks to think about being celibate already in my 30s!!
Thanks!
Re: Sex 3 times in 4 years, help!
Does he realize that he's going to have to have sex with you for you to become pregnant?
Are you OK with having a kid with your roommate? He doesn't seem to be much of a husband, what makes you think he's going to be any more of a father?
Exactly what I was thinking.
Roommate is right.
Relationship without sex or intamacy is a friendship.
I would not have a baby with a friend. Especially one that doesnt understand his own body or the mechanics of baby making.
Not too sure about the MUD thing but its possible. Or gay... idk.
What does MUD mean?
We do have a perfect 3 year old daughter but don't want her to be an only child, I've always wanted a larger family but will settle for just 2. We've been together for 14 years and he used to be a sex maniac. We used to have sex every day all day long and to go from that to nothing is I'm sure embarrassing for him and he doesn't like to talk about it. I've told him about having something serious going on and that it's a common problem. I'm hoping he will put away his pride and go see a doctor but my patience is running out. I've been trying for the last year to get him to TRY but nothing and when we do get together NOTHING so I'm sure that's why he's given up. I'm going to be 38 in January so my clock is ticking.
If he used to be a "sex maniac" and has lost desire, then something is up. He NEEDS to get to a doctor. How does he know that it isn't something that is physically wrong with him? It doesn't always mean that something mental is wrong with him, he could actually have something serious. Would he rather just take a trip to the doctor, figure out whats going on, and SUCK IT UP....or possibly have something, die, and leave you and your kid alone? I'm sure that sounds harsh but its just what came to mind.
Viagra just gives a guy a hard on, it doesnt increase desire. That is for a man who has the desire, but can't get it up.
I second the doc.
He could have an undiagnosed thyroid problem or perhaps it's hormonal.
Is he taking meds for anything now? If so, could it be that there's an interaction and a loss of libido is the result?
Viagra is for erectile dysfunction, not lack of desire. Please make sure he sees a doc asap.
ahhh does MUD mean made up discussion?? Believe me this isn't made up, it's pretty sad. I used to frequent this site years ago and it's all changed now but wanted to come back and talk to people I don't know because it's pretty personal. And like I said, I've never cared about sex, I never got anything out of it so I used to do it all the time for him. I know, something wrong with me too
He just can't get an erection no matter how much we try and he really wanted it. I'm sure he's scared to see the doctor and I'm hoping I can convince him to get help. I'm sure I've been putting on the pressure and that doesn't help but that can't be the only thing going on. When we were trying with my daughter years ago we only had sex when I ovualted and once I got pregnant there was no need to have it...
Wish me luck and thanks for your posts!
He needs to see a doc. Immediately.
As somebody pointed out, a man's penis is an indicator of his overall health.
Lack of erections signifies possible diabetes, a ciruculatory problem or a cardiac issue.
don't have much to say, but MUD stands for Made Up Drama.
Get him to a dr. Good Luck!
You can hardly be the one to try and convince him to go to the doctor if you won't go to the doctor. If you don't want sex and get nothing out of it, either you have some hormonal/psychological issues or he's not very good in bed (when you do have sex).
You both need to go to the doctor. Don't TTC without addressing BOTH of your issues. Maybe if you go to the doctor he will be more willing to go.
Also, a man needs to be healthy before taking Viagra...if he won't go to the doctor to make sure he's healthy but takes Viagra, he could be setting himself up for some serious medical problems.
ETA: Also, maybe his lack of enthusiasm for sex stems from the fact that he knows you don't enjoy it when you do have sex. Nothing turns me off more than if the person I'm with is only doing it because they feel obligated.