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I don't think I like sex....
My DH and I have been married just a little over a year, we were both virgins when we go married. However, we fooled around alot before then. The honeymoon sex was pretty good, and things just kinda went down hill from there.
First of all, I really have little to no sexual sensation no matter the position. Also, I DO NOT like being touched down there. (Because I know some of you will ask....NO I do not have a history of any sort of traumatic sexual history or abuse or anything. Just some regrets, but don't we all?) Anyway, it has gotten to the point to where I can only put up with so much touching (for his sake) before I just need it to be done and over. As is probably fairly obvious, I really REALLY don't like foreplay. I just don't have the patience for it. I can't just lay there and coach him though everything, especially when it doesn't get us anywhere good. Like I said before, we used to be pretty hot and heavy when we got horny (before we got married), but things have changed. Either he just isn't as good as he used to be, I just don't respond like I used to, or both. Which all leads to me really not liking or having a desire for it.
Don't get me wrong, it is just the physical aspect of it that I don't like. I still appreciate the "closeness" it offers. So we still have sex, and I'm usually the one who initiates it too.
It just seems easier to not like it or have expectations of it in order to avoid disappointment.
Sorry this basically turned into a rant, but I think I just needed to get it out there. Any encouragement or advice?
Re: I don't think I like sex....
I'm confused. If you have little to no 'sexual sensation', what bothers you so much about being touched, and about sex, if you like the closeness?
I also don't understand what you said about regrets, especially coming from a virgin.
are you by any chance on birth control?
my sex drive was horrible while i was on it... now that im off~ i rally actually want to do it and enjoy it. (plus im trying to get
pregnant lol)
Would you happen to be taking any sort of anti depressants? Any sort of medication can really alter your sex drive. Often couples have to really work at keeping the spark alive. The initial excitement of sex with a new partner does ware off. Women are more psychological when it comes to sex as well. I guess you need to answer a couple of questions.
1. are you on medication
2. are you experiencing a lot of stress in your life?
3. Do you enjoy touching yourself?
4. Does your fiance get offended when you tell him what might turn you on?
Sex is much more complex for woman than it is for men. My Fi and I have been together for over two years, and we have had to really work on keeping the spark alive. We love eachother and are eachothers world, the issue is, we have gotten very comfortable and familiar with one antoher, and the excitement has disapeared. We have had to really work on spicing things up. I often do not enjoy sex, so I have communicated with my FI what I enjoy and we try to incorporate that. Such as chocolate, and strawberries, music, and whip cream
.
Now if you dont even like to touch yourself, there may be a serious hormonal issue that you may want to talk to your physician about.
Good luck!
I'm going to try to answer the questions I have seen posted so far.
yes, I am on BC and have wondered if that was part of the problem. I just don't have a sex drive anymore really.
I am on no other meds. Yes, stress is definately an issue.
My husband and I do not have any trouble talking about any of this. He is very aware and understanding. Also very supportive and does what he can to help.
I do a little better when it comes to touching myself (in answer to a different question), but nothing really happens with that either.
It is difficult to explain the not liking to be touched. It seems I'm overly sensitive in some places which creates very unpleasant sensation. And other places have little to no sensation.
Honestly, what you are describing is how I sometimes feel at the end of my pack of pills. I asked my doctor about this, and as she explained how the pill works, it made sense that due to the nature of the pill, sometimes hormones make our bodies more sensitive because it is changing the natural regulation of hormones. For example, when I skipped the placebos one month, I experienced a number of side effects (sore breasts, bloated, nausea, migraines) and she said this could also be related to the pill.
I would suggest seeing a doctor and trying a new birth control pill, or none at all. I would also explain your lack of sex drive and perhaps they will suggest some other testing. Good luck!
I agree with the others that this could definitely be related to birth control pills. I didn't like the idea of messing with my hormones and the potential side effects, so I went with a diaphram. If your doctor does say that your symptoms are related to the birth control pills, maybe you could try that instead. Good luck!
I am willing to bet money this is the problem. This doesnt necessarily mean you need to go off the BC. You may just want to try another brand.
I am on Ocella and love it. I briefly switched to a less expensive one and had no sex drive while on it. In addition to that I had crazy mood swings and a wild appetite. I switched right back and I;ll never complain about the price again. Call your doctor and ask to try another type ASAP!
Maybe you need a lighter touch than some women --- if you havent masturbated I suggest you start.
FInd out what makes you feel good --- use a variation of touches -- and then show him.
"It just seems easier to not like it or have expectations of it in order to avoid disappointment. "
I think the above statement coupled with BC are the issues. Also, I agree with Tarpon when she said you may need a lighter touch. That was an issue H and I had. I'm pretty sensitive and he would get over excited messing around and do it too hard. Try different ways of doing it your self and them show him what works for you.
Ditto this. If you don't know what you like how can you expect him to?
When you speak of having no "sexual sensation," do you mean inside your vagina? Because the inside of your vagina is almost totally devoid of nerve endings, so it's normal to not have a strong physical sensation during sex. Most women can't orgasm from vaginal sex alone; they need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.
I agree with the pp's who say you need to learn what you like by masturbation and then incorporate whatever that is into intercourse.
I know where you're coming from. I have a very little sex drive. Not sure if it's birth control, but I'm hoping that is all it is. I want to please my husband, but I also want to genuinely enjoy it.
Young and in Love.
11.07.09
I like sex but I think it's my BC I'm on that makes me care less if I have sex or not with my husband of only two months. We have talked about the issue and he understands what the problem is. When we first started dating I wasn't on BC then decided to get on it. It went downhill from there. I have gotten better with sex I will initate it even if I don't want it to please him. you have to get out of your head and just do it like me.
I have a strong feeling that this may be a result of your BC pills. I was like a walking corpse, sexually, while I was on BC. It was the worst. I went form a healthy sex drive to having little to no interest in it at all.
Consider changing your prescription. A lot of people have to play around with what's right for them before the find the right BC fit.
GL
Thanks for all the great feed back. It's helpful to know I'm not the only one who has experienced this. I think it is a good possibility that it is my BC. I have been on several different ones (ortho novum, and yaz) any suggestions on what may no have so many side effects?
Also, I do feel the need to request that if you post a reply PLEASE read all of the original post. To a few PP: I do initiate sex even when I don't want it ("getting out of my head and getting over it"; I'm pretty sure I made sure to include in my origininal post that I really do make an effort to still make it a priority). Second, I have mentioned at least twice that I do masturbate and it improves things slightly.
Again, thank you to all who have taken a few minutes to give encouragement and advice!
This probably sounds horrible, but after reading your post and the responses from others that followed, I am glad I am not alone in wondering what is going on with my feelings towards sex. It must be a relief for you to know that you are not the only one that is experiencing this.
I love my husband more than words can even begin to express, I am extremely attracted to him, and we used to click very well sexually... but for the past month I have had ZERO desire to be with him sexually. Masturbation isn't working for me either. He is very loving, doting, and understanding - and it hurts to know that me not "feeling it" makes him feel like he is doing something wrong or that I am not attracted to him.
I did read somewhere, as others have mentioned here in the responses, that lack of sexual feelings can sometimes be a side affect of BC pills. Next month I am trying new pills out, so I am keeping my fingers crossed. I hope that if you decide to change pills, that the solution for you is as simple as that as well!
Best of luck!
You are not alone. And you are probably in better shape than me. I do not like sex. I do not desire sex. I do not desire to masturbate. I really don't enjoy anything sexual. But I love my husband to death. He is my entire world. I am on birth control. But I didn't really enjoy sex when it was just condoms. Perhaps it has gotten worse since being on birth control. It makes me wonder if maybe some people are just lacking those hormones. I have to take a significant amount of time talking myself into the idea of sex and what it represents and what it means to my husband every time before hand. That works a little bit. At least I don't lay there and cry the whole time anymore.
I hope your problem is merely birth control related and you can get everything worked out.
Yes. Do this. If YOU don't know what you like, how do you expect HIM to know???