Sex & Romance
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
fiance never makes the first move
He always waits for me to initiate sex, and it's such a turn off. I know he always wants sex, but if I'm cranky or stressed out he feels like I'd just turn him down so he doesn't make any kind of advances. He doesn't want to be "pushy" but that means I always have to be the one to initiate sex, which makes me feel like the man in the relationship (bah!).
We've never had sex more than 2 or 3 times a week, even when we first started dating.
Is this a bad sign? The rest of our relationship is fantastic, and sex is good when we have it. There's just no "gotta have you now" or "let the dinner burn I have to rip your clothes off" kinda passion in our relationship.
Is this normal/not normal? What do you think?
Re: fiance never makes the first move
Only rarely does my husband come at me passionately. Generally, I am the one to initiate. It does suck. I actually started keeping track of who came on to whom, which only means that we don't have sex as often because I won't initiate it until I am just going crazy.
I don't know if this is normal or not. If you figure something out that works, I'd love a heads up.
Does this bother you as in even remotely?
IF it does now it'll be a thousand times worse after you are married.
Ask yourself if you're willing to compromise your kind of a sex life for marriage to this guy.
First, 2-3 times a week is pretty normal. Some may even consider you lucky to get it that much.
Second, Have you talked to your FI about this? You really should tell him that you need him to show you that he is turned on by you and wants you as much as you want him.
Men surprisingly enough. Can not read minds, have or use intuition. See or hear hints or just "know" what they should know.
He see's and hears on the news and media about all these modern women who are in charge and know what they want. So if you don't ask, he don't want to be rude and intrude when he doesn't get a clear "sex is OK message" .
Relax, you have a nice guy who respects you.
If you read romance books or watch romantic movies and expect the average man to do the same. Start forgetting about that fiction right now.
I would have an honest discussion with him about your feelings. My guess is that he's just being lazy and you're letting him.
Be honest and tell him you want him to initiate sometimes but don't completely stop initiating completely either.
Yeah.... I know how you feel. I actually broke up with a guy who had this issue. (That wasn't the only reason, but it didn't help!)
Its a turn off! My husband almost always starts things, and it just makes me feel wanted and sexy.
You need to talk to him about this. Basically, you are both seeing things differently. His view is that if he starts things, he is being a pushy man whore and that will turn you off. On the other hand, you are looking at it as a major turn off that he 'doesn't want you'. You two need to sit down and get on the same page.
Mine is like that too sometimes. It sucks beacuse I think crazy scenerios in my head. Like: He doesn't want me or he just wants me to beg him for it for an ego boost and then I get pissed off. This worked for me to change it up a bit though--
I iniated and totally dominated him. Me on top, me controlling the situation and pretty much treated him like a sex slave. Tying up, blindfolds, all that. Blew his mind! He thought about it for weeks! then I would dress casually-sexy and pick things up off the floor without bending my knees and show clevage and "pose" sexy. (not so much that it looked like I was trying though) Then I acted like I got what I wanted and I was good, then he got the clue that I wasn't going to initiate for a few days at least. I acted like I didn't want it which made it a challenge for him. Then he was left replaying this in his head and wanted it more so eventually he jumped me. I think that he origanally just wanted to be dominated every once and a while and thought that if he didn't initiate long enough then I would jump his bones. So I did and it helped a lot! Talking about sexual problems just makes him uncomfortable and he just wants to stop talking about it which makes it worse. He may just want the same thing as you--- To be jumped!