Hawaii Nesties
kinibruin
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
poll: stupid/wise things you would/would not want to pass to kids
hi hi hi
i know not everyone has botb and not everyone is thinking about having kids. but this poll can be for people who even act as parental figures, like teachers, aunties, mentors, etc.
1) what things do you look at in your past that you are proud of and would instill in the anyone in the younger generation?
2) what things did you do, and looking back think, "what the *^% was i thinking?!?! hell no would i want someone to follow me!"
sorry if it doesn't make sense, i'm a bit medicated. hahahah
D started out as a LUCKY CHARM but ended up being our LOVEBUG 
hawaii 10.2008 plan ;P married bio ???
hawaii 10.2008 plan ;P married bio ???
Re: poll: stupid/wise things you would/would not want to pass to kids
1) what things do you look at in your past that you are proud of and would instill in the anyone in the younger generation?
i'm proud of going away for school. it forced me to grow up and become independent. my fmaily is super close, so having the physical distance to determine who i was without them (or in spite of them) was an awesome experience. while everyone is different, i encourage my cousins, nieces, nephews, and hopefully future kids to go away for college.
i loved travelling by myself. i realize now that a lot of people are uncomfortable being alone. but dining by myself meeting a lot of people, love it.
2) what things did you do, and looking back think, "what the *^% was i thinking?!?! hell no would i want someone to follow me!"
i can't believe i would drive my a$$ to the city at midnight by myself and walk, again by myself in my clubbing clothes to "meet my friends" at the club. not safe. i also made a mistake of getting in a car with a dude who had been drinking so much. i was so scared for my life. it was 35 mph on the side streets and he was going 65. i don't even know how fast he was going on the freeway and after losing someone to drunk driving, i shudder thinking about that incident.
i would not want my cousins, future kids, nieces and nephews to do any of that!
hawaii 10.2008 plan ;P married bio ???
1) I agree...I think going away for college was a very positive thing, and I want my kids to follow in those footsteps. I learned so much being on my own and having to take care of myself.
Also, my parents forced me to manage my own money from a young age, and I think that really taught me about the value of money and how to budget. Instead of giving me a weekly or monthly allowance, I got a yearly allowance. If I blew it all in the first few months, it was a really crappy Christmas...
2) I'll have to think a bit about the "what the @#!" question. Not that I think I'm perfect, but I think all the $@#! was part of the learning process and growing up.
I couldn't agree more! I was always a very independent kid, even from a young age. I woke myself up in the morning with an alarm clock, made my own breakfast, and packed my own lunch, even in elementary school. I was supervised, of course, but did it all myself. It amazes me when people I work with tell me stories about how they just can't get their high schooler out of bed in the morning. You've got to be kidding me! Mommy's still waking you up? In high school? I'm determined to create appropriate independence in my child.
As far as what NOT to do??? Hmmm.....I guess maybe not follow your boyfriend to college? Choose your own path, not the one your friends/boyfriend take.
Interesting questions!
#1...a sense of financial responsibility. Might seem like a boring choice, but even though I've made financial mistakes, I've worked hard to get out of them and feel I'm pretty good with money/budgeting/etc these days. We have a lot of friends who are in far less stable positions (and we're not the high earners among the group by any means!), and I'm proud of what we've accomplished.
#2...I want them to be more confident than I was. I had debilitating shyness as a kid...and a teen...and even in my early 20s. I attribute it partly to natural shyness, but also because my mother kept us fairly sheltered - she had her reasons why, but I think she went much too far with it. Anyway, I passed up on a lot of things (mostly small, but a couple big) just because I was too nervous or scared or intimidated to do it. I could have had a lot more fun if I'd been more confident. I guess it's not exactly "stupid" in the "omg that was a dumb move!" sense, but it was something that had a big impact in my life and I hope for more for them.
1. independence, fiscal responsibility, ability to work towards something better than what you can get right now with less effort (delayed gratification)
2.
this! i followed my (emotionally abusive, a$$hat of a) hs bf to college. he was a year ahead of me, so senior year was miserable (fighting on the phone all the time, instead of having fun and being a normal senior!), and i only applied to 2 schools - the one he went to, and another in the same city. didn't even try to see if i could go somewhere else. luckily, i came to my senses and broke up with him sophomore year in college - best thing i ever did for myself.
in the long run, i have to believe things worked out - i got the interview for my job after college partly due to a connection i had made in college, and it was at that job where i met MH.
but it was still a (beyond!!) stupid thing to do.
Ooh, good one! I choose that for my #2 answer too!
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Here's hoping he didn't play an orc.
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Dates & Quinces Blog
Wow, there are a lot of really good, thoughtful answers here.
#1 - I definitely agree with independence. I was independent from a young age and did many of the things lelekay did (i must admit in elementary school, my dad packed my lunch, but since it was one of the only things he did around the house to help out, I didn't feel bad!). I don't know if my parents fell out of a coconut tree after me or what, but my younger brothers were still being woken up by my parents until they left in their mid-20's. I had and took responsibility for my actions. I was a horrible liar, so that made me have a lot more integrity, lol. Seriously, when I was teaching, there were so many kids who ran to Mommy and Daddy for every little thing - I fought my own battles with teachers and other kids.
Handling finances is a big one too - MH's checkbook was all in his mother's handwriting - she wrote all his checks even when he moved out of her house in his 20's! He let his savings account drop below the minimum, and so they were taking out a $3 fee/month - when I asked him what is was, he had no idea. My son will definitely learn this and learn to help around the house as well. My mom made me put half of my paychecks into my college fund from the time I got my first job at 11 (delivering newspapers in my neighborhood) - and that saved me from having to take more student loans than I did, which was awesome, at least for Freshman year!
#2 - Self-esteem is a big one. I need to do some research about how to build his. Judging of others' characters - I'm hoping he will learn this from MH, as I am horrible at this.
ooh, this too. MH is so much better at this than I am - I tend to expect/think the best of everyone and overlook warning signs. ...pretty naive
1) what things do you look at in your past that you are proud of and would instill in the anyone in the younger generation?
Going away to college and learning to be on your own is a great experience.
Same as PP, I was brought up to do things for myself and I'm always amazed when I see kids who are so coddled. By the time I was 9, I was doing my own laundry, waking myself up, making my own breakfasts and lunches. Kids aren't helpless, they should learn to do these things!
Also like PP, I moved away from home and that was good for me. Now I'm ready to move back, but that's another story.
2) what things did you do, and looking back think, "what the *^% was i thinking?!?! hell no would i want someone to follow me!"
I didn't think much about what I was doing when I signed up for a credit card, or spent my whole paycheck on nonsense without saving anything. I'm still not great with money management, but I'm improving and hoping that I can pass the importance of taking money seriously to my children.
Yeah, I don't get this either. We did laundry, helped clean, made our own breakfasts and lunches, etc.
We also never got paid for chores, since my mom said they were something we did because we were part of the household. I kind but not really agree and think I'd do a modified version for my kids. For example, that they have certain chores that are expected of them (like making their own bed, tidying their room, that kind of thing), but for chores that are "above and beyond" (like mowing the lawn, if that isn't one of their regular chores) I would be open to paying them so that they learn about earning money.
Well in that case, I can understand feeling squicky for doing something that's not "you", but yeah, I'd probably have tapped that too.
I haven't answered this poll because I think everything has been covered (independence, financial responsibility). I guess I would add that I want to teach my children, if possible, the line between being trusting and open but not being naive and putting yourself in bad situations. Being in law enforcement, I see way too much and I know it's going to affect what I do (or allow my kids to do) whe I'm a parent.
Oh and I'm still giggling because of Lisa's "I'd probably have tapped that" comment.
OMG, yeah, he was ruggedly hot... like... yum.
I'd regret the whole thing, but frankly, I learned a lot from the incident, so I'm not sad that it happened... just that there was a lesson I needed to learn! Sometimes we need the stupid stuff to teach us, you know?
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
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I know how it is - I've done something similar myself.
Super hot guy, but NOT the smartest choice, and I behaved in a way that makes me shake my head when I think about it now...I don't regret it, because I learned a lot from it, but I do wonder wtf I was thinking at the time lol!
1) what things do you look at in your past that you are proud of and would instill in the anyone in the younger generation?
Work ethic...I have had a job since I was 15 years old and was on my own at age 17. Before age 15 I did a lot of volunteer "work" and want my kids to do the same.
College education...first in my family to graduate college and first to get an advanced degree. Education is an investment in your future that no one can take from you.
Independence, in general. It's beyond sad to me that 25 and 30 year olds are still mooching off mom and dad. I was probably responsible for too much at a young age (I made dinner for my family starting at age 8, etc.) but I do want my kids to have to be responsible for cleaning their rooms, washing their clothes, making their lunches, etc. when it's age appropriate for them to do so. Also, if they want a car at age 16 they'll have to earn it and be responsible to pay for their own car insurance and gas. Same for cell phones...they'll have to pay for it if they want to have one.
2) what things did you do, and looking back think, "what the *^% was i thinking?!?! hell no would i want someone to follow me!"
Becoming sexually active at age 14...it was the summer before my sophomore year in High School. No way should I have been engaging in that sort of thing at that age. Granted, I can count on one hand the number of partners I've had (and that includes being married previously) so I wasn't promiscuous at all, but still, I should have waited and been told to wait (I wasn't...my mom was the "cool mom" who said "I know you're going to do it, so be safe.") I'll be more proactive with my own kids...help them be safe but also send the message that I don't want them to be having sex until they are at least 18 and adults.
In the same vein I pretty much was never single once I started dating boys at age 13...I mean I was always in a relationship except for a few months my first year of college. Not healthy, in retrospect. And I married my XH at age 22 (one month shy of 23) after dating him from age 19. I want my daughter to do it diffferently and that means no dating until at least age 16 and then, hopefully no serious boyfriends until at least college.
Also getting credit cards in college has been nothing but trouble and I plan to teach my own kids about financial responsibility from the get go...it's been a hard lesson to learn on my own. And I should have had more parental guidance when I was 18 and getting credit cards.
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also I mentor the kids in our extended fam and the church...
some things you're just forced to learn, for good or bad.... But that makes us who we are....and can even keep us grounded and thankful for where we are...
thank you so much everyone!
hawaii 10.2008 plan ;P married bio ???