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My post for to get the board going-two observations on marriage
We just celebrated our 3rd anniversary last week. DH and I were older than the average bride & groom (33 & 36). Sometimes it really sucked to be single & alone when my friends were getting married, having babies, etc. Well, my little sister is getting married in a few months. She just turned 22 last month so she's a younger than average bride. Her FMIL is a very nice person but has a pretty strong personality. I am so glad I have the age & life experience to deal with that kind of personality. My HS & college boyfriend had a mom like that & I couldn't stand her. Now I know it wasn't so much her as it was my inability to stand up for myself. We talked about getting married but I am so glad I waited until I was older!
My second observation- My in-laws weren't really involved in our wedding planning-it bothered me at the time but now I'm so glad they give us our space!
Re: My post for to get the board going-two observations on marriage
I should clarify-I'm also really glad I didn't marry him!
My 2nd anniversary is soon. I waited till I was 40 to get married. I wish we had met sooner, but I always say we must not have been ready for each other.
We paid for our wedding, so we did what we wanted.
$.01 = The longer my H and I are together, the more we seem to be meeting in the middle of our differences. I become less type-A, more relaxed and H keeps getting more organized, and more interested in the "business" aspect of our marriage. I can't even remember the last time we had a legitimate fight that was beyond a petty annoyance.
$.01 = I think one of the best parts of marriage is realizing you can still catch your spouse by surprise. After almost 11 years together, and 3 years of marriage, you'd think I'd be out of surprises. But with our kitchen renovation, I have been really engaged in the 'getting dirty-ness' of it all, which has surprised the crap out of my H. I'm using crowbars and hammers and drills and getting downright filthy. He's not used to me being so DIY. I'm usually more HWD - H Will Do It. And he's been all - 'my wife is super cool' because of it. It's an awesome feeling. Never stop surprising your spouse with growing as a person.
I also waited until I was older to get married. I turned 30 two weeks before our wedding. I had been single for close to 3 years by the time I met H and I was completely fine w/ that after spending many years in a relationship that was strung out due to convenience. I don't regret waiting until I was older to get married at all b/c I know it allowed me time to get myself together. Just when I wasn't looking or concerned w/ finding someone, I met H and things immediately fell into place. I wished in the beginning our relationship and then the beginnings of our engagement (it was just shy of 2 years) that I would've stood up for myself more to my mom and sister who were constantly making me feel like crap for every decision I made. H is very strong minded and doesn't care what he says to people, and I'm thankful its been rubbing off on me.
My in-laws are so much easier to talk to about things than my own mom. My stepdad (whom I call my daddy) is the best, but my mom is extremely opinionated and loves to tell me what to do every chance she gets. I generally open up a lot more to my IL's b/c I don't worry about them passing judgment on me for what I did/said.
My parents gave us a small monetary gift when we got engaged and told us to do whatever we wanted with it. We still ended up paying for probably 90% of our wedding & used their gift for the rest. I'm glad they didn't try to influence our choices based on their gift. Although sometimes I wish we would have saved our money and just had a super small reception at a restaurant with their money!
This was us, too. It saved us a lot of headaches in the long run.
It did not, however, stop my mom and sister from griping about just about decision we made.
Same here. My mom was really good about helping when I wanted her help and letting me do what I wanted the rest of the time. Of course I was 35 when we got married so I was able to handle the planning myself. I made sure to ask for her help with some things like picking my dress so we could have those memories.
H and I got married when we were youngish (26 and 27), but I always feel older than I really am. I look at our friends and feel like we are in such a different place- I guess summed up as "priority" wise. I still love them and they're great to hang out with, but feel like they don't "get" where I'm coming from anymore. However, as I feel many friendships are evolving because of this, I realize that my relationship with H only grows stronger.
Although we are opposite in a lot of ways, we have the same mentality on core issues. Our opposites can cause friction, but also make us an amazing team. It's taken practice to learn how to "meet in the middle" or agree to disagree, but we've also taught each other a lot along the way. Most important for me, is to realize that you can't make everyone happy, but you can make yourself happy. I never would have made it through wedding planning without this mentality. Heck! I worked with a wedding planner just to AVOID involving my mother in a neutral way.
I was 40 when we got married. It was my first marriage; my husband's second. I seriously thought I was never going to be married so I'd settled into making a good life for myself and boom, here he comes! Our first 6 months of marriage were very hard...for me, at least. The more I talk to people, the more these seems to be the norm. It's the "dirty little secret" people don't talk about. I think everyone expects the first months of marriage to wine, roses and sex. That wasn't the way it was. After the first few months, we settled in nicely and things have been great....2 1/2 years later.
Not sure if this was the topic or not, but this is what I thought of when I was reading other posts