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What to do, what to do?
I really need somewhere to talk about this without spilling the beans to someone IRL. So here it goes. I am a teacher. An unemployed teacher... well a substitute teacher but because the school year just started I haven't had any days yet. We are still holding out hope that I will have a teaching position for the rest of the school year starting anytime. The superintendant of my division has stated that it might be a possibility. DH has a very mediocre paying job. He also has large student loans and I have a small one as well.
DH is ready to start TTC. We had always said we would wait until I was permanent and had some stability but now he's okay with the uncertainty and really wants a baby like now. His brother and sister just had babies in the last year and now he thinks we're well overdue since he's the oldest.
I on the other hand am somewhere between ready to get started (and in my copious amount of spare time have been researching gliders and dressers, and carseats and have even made a nursery mood board) and absolutely petrified and wanting to wait until my career is more stable.
I know there's no "right" time to have a baby but I feel like getting PG right now would be the wrong time if all of a sudden I am offered a job that looks like it could be permanent.
Anyone have a pearl of wisdom? Advice? Antidote?
I was doing "so well" while it was still summer vacation but now that school has started and I am still at home unemployed my sanity has gone down the drain.
Re: What to do, what to do?
Is financial stability nice, sure it is. Do babies "need" everything that today's society tells us that they do, no.
Maybe this would be better because your career can wait until after the baby is born. Maybe you need to have your career started first. Only you can decide that.
My DH is always concerned with money so we took a look at the cost of having a baby (and then doubled it) and decided whether it was feasible without us fighting about money all the time.
Good luck with your decision.
Hey, I know exactly how you feel. It is a difficult situation to be in, and I think you can only do what is best for you.
I have been substitute teaching for a few years now, and had a short LTO last year, but I am right back to subbing again. I am eager to start a family too, but we also said it would be best to wait until I am permanent. With the teaching job market being so unstable (at least in Ontario), and the likelihood of getting a permanent job next to nil, I am starting to change my mind. I think that if I keep waiting I could end up waiting too long and not be able to conceive.
I too have an opportunity to have another LTO in January, so I don't want to get pregnant and risk losing that opportunity. Having said that, I don't want to keep putting it off. I am of the mindset now that I can't put off having a family just because I don't have a permanent position. I guess I just have to hold off a bit longer though, so I can work until the end of June.
Sorry for the rambling. Can you tell I am just as confused about this as you are. I can't really tell you what is best for you to do, but thought I would let you know that you aren't alone. We are probably going to wait a little longer, but substitute teaching gives us decent enough money that we could afford a baby. We'll see what happens I guess.
I think it would depend on a few issues, for me:
Will you realistically have enough hours to qualify for maternity leave? If not, that would be a deal breaker for me. I think you need 700 in the past year...?
When the baby is born, if you still don't have a permanent position, how will you afford full-time daycare on a part-time wage? You will have to pay for a full-time spot even if you only use it once a week (this is something we ran into with my husband's work schedule- we only really need daycare maybe 3 days a week when he's working, but we don't know in advance what days those will be so we have to pay for all five). (I think your mom runs a daycare, right? Will she be watching baby?)
I can understand both points of view. You're right, there might not ever be a perfect time, and you can't predict the future anyway. However, babies only add to financial stress. I love my son with all my heart but if I had had a crystal ball when TTC that predicted the financial trouble we've had over the past year or two, I might not have started TTC. Not only are babies expensive (even when you don't buy into all the gimmicks of expensive toys- diapers, clothes, breast pumps, bottles, medication, daycare, etc etc etc all add up) and you will feel an extra responsibility to provide for your child which adds to regular financial stresses.
I think I would ask my husband about his motives, too, if he was saying things like "We're overdue because my younger siblings have kids." Babies are hard work. My husband and I both operated on zero sleep for months, taking turns walking our son up and down the hallway for hours, doing everything we could to stay sane. Granted, our son was probably more difficult than most, but does your husband have an honest desire for kids, knowing the challenges that come with them, or is he just following the crowd, so to speak? He might be in for a rude awakening if he falls into the latter category. I know you've had a lot of nieces and nephew recently, but does he spend enough time with them to really know what they can be like, or does he just see the happy, smiling times? (I obviously don't know your husband so I'm not trying to imply that he doesn't understand- he might have a great understanding. These are just questions that pop up for me.)
Good luck making your decision!!