Sex & Romance
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Addicted to "first date" feeling with other men, help!
I know that most of you will cringe while reading this as most of you are newly married but I think my H and I have lost our newlywed feeling (if we ever had it). We've only been married for 2 years now and I find myself starting relationships with other men. I'm not sure if it's the attention, the butterflies or the flirting that attracts me but I can't stop. My H and I live like roommates and hardly kiss anymore where I used to be the make-out bandit before marriage. I have never slept with any of the men I've started seeing and it usually dwindles as the relationship escalates to that point. I have another friend who does the same thing...is this normal? How can I start up that feeling with my husband again? I'm afraid I might have to lock myself in a room soon.
Re: Addicted to "first date" feeling with other men, help!
I just came over here to lurk for the first time ever--so I hope it's not rude that I am responding here. Please forgive me if so! Your post struck a chord w/ me. I think what you are feeling (lack of desire/more of a roommate rela w/ your husband) is totally normal. Feelings come and go and we go through seasons in relationships. I believe love is a choice, not a feeling--again because feelings come and go. After the initial chemistry or spark or whatever you want to call it fades, I believe love is a choice to commit a person. (I know not everyone may feel this way; I used to not feel this way!)
So, here's what I heard that was helpful to me when I was feeling this way. Someone challenged me to basically choose to do loving things toward my partner. To show him affection and tenderness, etc.--no matter what I was feeling. They said the feelings will follow those actions. I am not saying it's easy--but it's good advice, I think. I hope it helps. Good luck to you.
Minus your situation with your husband.....you sound like just like me before i met my fiance. I was known ( by my bestfriends only of course) As the make out queen and a serial dater. I was addicted to first dates. Now my fiance knows that I need the excited. So for us we try to make sure we go out on dates at least once every two weeks. And try to do cute things for eachother every day like right little notes, or even something as nice as a cute text msg...or even a sexy msg. I sent a pic to my fiance of my boobs to his phone while he was at work..he loved it and was dying to come home after work.....I saw on a show one time. If you start going on dates. Make it like a real date. Go out and get him to mett you somewhere so it feels like a first date kinda feeling.. hope this helps...good luck
This. Love, after the lusting stage has worn off is a choice. And what greater gift can you give someone than choosing to love them even after your lust has worn off, which it will in every romantic relationship? I think your feelings are natural, but I think your actions are way out of line and show a lack of maturity on your part.
Oh dear, this is most defiantely normal, and I have been there more than once!! Before my Fi I had dated a guy for 3 years. We were madly in Lust. After the lust wore off, I started to notice things about him that I disliked. He was an alcoholic, verbally abusive, and all around annoying. He loved to pick fights with me when totally hammered (which was every other night). I CHOSE to stop wanting to be with him aftet the cloud of lust cleared. After 7 months of dating my FI I noticed that the lust was starting to clear. The excitement of being in a new relationship cleared. We had spent every second together, and I woke up one morning and had a panic attack. I could not figure out if I was out of lust or our of love. I broke it off with my fi thinking that if the lust is gone, so is the relationship. We soon became best friends after we broke up. We could not stand being apart from one another. Once the lust cloud had disapeared between my Fi and I I started to really notice qualities about him that I did not notice before. He was sweet, kind, understanding, fun, humble, giving, patient and A WONDERFUL FRIEND. This time around I CHOSE to be with him. I chose to love him. I so badly want that first date feeling again. It is something I fantasize about, but then I realize that those first date feelings go away, and you are left with nothing, or some guy who could either suck, or could be okay. It is much better to work at having those first date feelings with someone who is a quality human being. All relationships take work, and take time. Woman especially go through seasons of love and lust. Its our hormones that make us do this. My Fi swears he is always in love/lust with me, and it makes me feel guilty when I do not feel the same way. But at the end of the day I know I am happy, and I am with the right person.
Love is most definately a choise. Lust comes and goes and is not worth sacrificing a true friendship.
Analyze the type of man your Husband is. If there are true things that bother you about him, talk to him about it. If he is an all around fantastic guy and he cares for you, give up the lust drug and try and work it out with him.
It's not normal to date other men when you are in a committed relationship, let alone marriage.
I feel sorry for your husband! My H lets me date and our relationship has never been better!!!
Do you even know who your baby daddy is?
No, but I have a pretty good idea. I can narrow it down to at least 3-5 different guys. Maury said it was better that way!!
I agree with CanyonMama, try starting to do simple and sweet things for your DH. I can almost guarantee you he will take notice and he will follow.
For example, this seems so silly, but my DH knows I can't stand drinking water without ice in it. Well, last night we'd been upstairs watching movies and the ice in my water had all melted. I went into the bathroom to take a shower and my DH went downstairs and refilled my glass full of ice. I know this sound so stupid, but it's the small stuff that shows we care.
As others have said being married isn't all rainbows and butterflies. It can and does take work. And it takes work on BOTH sides, not just one or the other. Marriage is a CHOICE you make each and every day of your life to stay commited to this person.
Original Poster: If you can make time for a date night once a week. If you have to get your husband to "pick you up" from the house (even if you live together). Go out to dinner & a movie. Then see if you can't find a good place to make out like teenagers! Some of the best sex I've ever had has been on a date night at Lookout Point in our car. We went to a drive-in movie, had popcorn, & enjoyed that "first date" feeling. It also gave us something to look forward to throughout the week. The date night had our frequency of sex go up during the rest of the week too. All around it helped us feel more connected because we had that one day a week when we could let loose and just be for a little while together.
I agree with the other posters. If you can do little nice things for your husband it will help you capture a little bit of that "just met" feeling every day. Ask your husband to court you. I'm talking flowers etc. Maybe not every day, but at least once a month see if you can't get time to just take a walk together or something.
Make a list of the all the reasons you married your husband. What you love and find sexy about him. I promise making a list of the 20 reasons why you fell in love with your husband and continue to remain married to him will stir some emotions in you.
Good luck. I think this is normal to hit an emotional rut in every relationship.