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Would like to try something new but...
My husband and I have been married for just over a month. We were both virgins when we got married, and we have been having sex a few times a week since our wedding. The problem is that it is very uncomfortable for me to have sex in any position other than me on top. In any other position, the angle just seems wrong and my vagina just tenses up.
I knew sex might be an issue for me because pelvic exams have always been uncomfortable to the point that my gynecologist decided to just hold off on them until I had sex. I think the issue in both of these situations is that I have less control over the angle at which the object (penis or speculum), is entering my vagina.
My husband just seems happy to finally be having sex, but I also know that he would probably enjoy mixing things up a bit. Any advice?
Re: Would like to try something new but...
so, wait. he is more religious than you but he does not go to church? what was the reason for waiting until your wedding night to have sex if neither of you are very religious? i'm not being mean, just wondering. typically people wait due to religious beliefs.
as for caring about carpet color...
if he is happy and you are happy, then i'm not sure that anything needs to be "spiced up" right now.
My husband is a Christian but chooses not to go to church. He wanted to wait, and I respected his decision. We did do pretty much everything besides intercourse though.
I guess I just feel kind of bad that my vagina is preventing our sex life from being as good as it could be. Eventually we might get bored with our routine, and I would like to address this issue now rather than later.
If you're worried about spicing things up at a month I think you have a problem....
Where on earth does this come from?
I didn't do anything beside new lingerie for years after losing my virginity. Spicing things up and trying crazy stuff wasn't even on the table until I'd been sexual active for 10 years.
That would most likely be because both of you are clueless at what you're doing. Stick with what works for now and ease into something different after you figure things out a little more.
A lot of other positions are the same angle as when you're on top, you could try him on top but bend your legs in front of him(kind like how you would if you were sitting on your knees, but have them against his chest) this way the angle is very similar but you have more control over his speed and how deep he goes in.
Reverse cowgirl is another easy one that feels pretty similar and might work for you.
Keep trying different positions though and when one doesn't work switch it up or try it another day. Some times I'm just more sensitive some days more than others or he might get a weird angle and send a not so pleasing sensation to me. It might be uncomfortable too just because it is still so new though.
Is there any specific position that hurt or made you tense up?
If it's still uncomfortable to have sex in other positions after a another month or so though I think I might think about making a gyno appointment, you can ask your doc and find out if there's anything they suggest.
this.
I had similar problems when I lost my virginity. This was so many years ago now but I do remember that if I kept my focus on something else while getting used to that position, then it was good.
Example...While in Missionary, make out. Focus your full attention onto everything going on with your kissing, mentally blocking out that he is going inside you. You will relax 10x's faster.
And also, if you have an orgasm before actually having sex, then you will be a lot more relaxed. A glass of wine or two will also help.
It's all about relaxation. The more you THINK about him going into you, the more you will tense up.
I have a narrow vagina and even now the Gyno has to use the smallest speculam possible.
And I always hate when they tell you to relax. My mind says "How the Fck am I supposed to relax when you are sticking cold medal up my hoo ha! lol
Sometimes it can be the loss of feeling of control with something entering you at a rate you cannot control. I know people who have had similar issues, and their doctor recommended some 'sex therapy.' It involved using dildos in various sizes (smallest/slimmest and working your way up) on your own to get yourself used to size and rate. When you are in control, you are less likely to tense up and cause yourself pain. I know sex is still a reasonably new thing for you, and this may sound embarrassing and an uncomfortable subject to broach with your doctor, but you might consider it.
Oh, and ditto the church carpet color. Ladies, not all carpet colors are created equally. I can't stand my hometown church's carpet color. It's like old red wine.
Are you fully ready and warmed up when you start intercourse? If you are not sufficiently aroused then sex will be incredibly uncomfortable. Also, you should probably use plenty of lubricant. Do you have issues with lubrication? Doggy style should actually be more comfortable than woman on top. This being because the vagina is actually "straighter" in this position to allow penetration more deeply.
Woman-On-Top allows you more control over speed & penetration depth. This is most likely the most comfortable for you because of that aspect. I am guessing that these other positions are uncomfortable because your husband is quite vigorous in his ministrations? If you are new to sex then penetration and deep penetration must be done with care. I am venturing to guess that your husband is less than aware that his frantic thrusting might be causing you discomfort. Get him to slow down a bit and do these positions slowly.
I know it sounds so typical, but if you are not relaxing and allowing him to penetrate you the intercourse session will be painful. Practice some meditation or breathing exercises. When he penetrates you (in any position) focus on inhaling deeply. Think calming thoughts and really focus on relaxing if you can.
Good luck.
You've only been having sex for a month. It's going to take some getting used to, lots of practice, and even more communication. And then some more practice.
I know you say he seems happy, but have you talked to him about the pain and discomfort that different positions give you? This way, as long as he knows about it, he can be patient with you. You guys can try new positions, he can go slow, he can be concerned and comforting. And really, it probably wouldn't hurt to have a few drinks beforehand. Let go of a few inhibitions, relax, take it slow, and figure out what works for you both.