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WWYD re: houseguest?
So I will try to make this short. I am going through a divorce and the week H and I decided it was over I see my cousin and her 10 year old daughter at the mall. She tells me her BF kicker her out of the house and that she doesn't know where she will stay. She was leaving for Florida in a few days so I said she could stay until she went to Florida, which was supposed to be for 5 weeks (visiting her mom) and turned into 2 weeks.
She texts me on her way home from Florida asking if she can stay the night. I tell her yes, thinking it was just for one night. H had moved out at this point and is staying with a friend. She stayed for a couple weeks then started to not come home, not call or text for days at a time. I finally quit asking if she was okay and just went on about my business b/c apparently she doesn't care if she has a stable environment for her daughter; she will drag her around from place to place on school nights and it is no big deal. When she doesn't stay at my house she is at her ex BF's house, trying to "work her way back in".
Almost a month ago I asked her what her plan is and told her I needed to be alone and didn't want a roommate. She said she was going to talk to our Grandpa b/c he said he'd help her out with rent at an apartment. She says she can't get an apartment b/c she doesn't make enough money and she is on the waiting list for HUD or whatever that assisted housing thing is. She got into a fight with her ex BF the other night and he told her to get her things and go. So she came back to my house. This morning I told her she needed to figure things out b/c I had enough to deal with and didn't want people coming and going all the time and I don't want a roommate. She started crying and said she has no options, but she'll work on figuring something out.
I feel terrible, but I have my own problems to deal with. My H and I are on very good terms and have talked about him moving back in and staying in the spare bedroom instead of paying his friend rent. I told my cousin that if anyone was going to stay with me it would be him b/c it is his house too. It seems that I am pretty much putting her on the street if I tell her to leave. My mom says it isn't my problem and I shouldn't worry about it, but she's family. Everyone says just tell her she needs to go, but it is so much easier said than done.
WWYD?
Re: WWYD re: houseguest?
I can only imagine how difficult all of these changes are for you. You are in my T&P's.
Speaking from experience, you are doing the right thing telling her she has to move on. It doesn't make it any easier, but its the right thing for YOU and that's what is most important. We have had several people live w/ us that were in similar situations. We got sucked into their problems, so they became our problems. Once they are there, its extremely difficult to push them along their way. Stick to your guns. Offer her help (if you are willing) when you can, but you are correct that you have a life to deal with and a lot on your plate right now. She needs to learn how to cope with the situation just as much as you do in your own life. You aren't a bad person. Family or not, I agree w/ your mom. Best of luck to you & hugs!
I agree with the other girls. I would also set a date and stick to it. Tell her that ex-H is moving back in on xyz (even if he is not) so she must be out by xyz.
Sorry you have to deal with this.
(((hugs)))
But I think you did the right thing. You took her in when she needed you, but at the same time you have put your foot down and told her it's time to move on.
I don't know enough about her to know if this really applies or not, but from what little you've told us, it sounds like she needs a dose of reality. As in, if her family / friends keep enabling her by taking her in, giving her $$, etc. - she'll never learn.
GL!
I would call a few agencies to ask about assistance then I'd give her your list & tell her that she has one week to leave. My grandpa was a member of his parish's St. Vincent de Paul & they would give emergnency help for these type of situations. However, they would only help out once, maybe twice at the very most. After that they told a person to get their act together. I think your cousin needs that kind of kick in the rear. I would be more willing to help with her daughter but I'm not sure you can trust her to not take advantage of that help either. Sorry.
I agree with 100% of all the pp's. I wanted to add something to consider. People who treat others respectfully and conduct themselves as a good friend usually don't run out of options. When she tells you that she has no other options, what that really means is that she's blown through everyone else's good will already. You're the only font of gullible that she hasn't corrupted yet. I'm guessing that if she were conducting herself in a more decent manner, your good will wouldn't be running out either. She isn't changing her actions and you've been more than patient. It's time for her to get her own couch.
I agree with all of the PP esp the last one. If I were in your cousin's position and a family member were kind enough to let me stay in their home till I found a place of my own, I would be doing everything I could to be the best roommate possible. I'd be cleaning, cooking you dinner, keeping out of your way and letting you know when I'd be in and/or out of the house. I'd offer to help pay a little rent. Maybe she has done all of these things, but she also needs to realize you have a lot going on right now and needs a little reality check. The last thing you probably want right now is someone causing you more stress. Good luck and so sorry you are going through this!