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Lord, give me strength!
. . .and if you could mix in some of her husband's yummy - and strong - drinks, that would be lovely!
But seriously - DH's parents arrive today for a two week visit and already we are dreading it. To use the euphemism so common in his family - "Mummy is not well" (roughly translatd into "MIL is BSC"). She has some serious health issues and so we do really want to spend quality time with her before it is too late, but even planning things over the phone is enough to drive us crazy. She breaks down into tears at the slightest thing, then gets upset at us and says she doesn't want to "get in the way" and maybe she should just stay home . . . but then in the next breath, she starts going on about how she's never seen a turtle and her life's dream is so see a turtle and can we tell them where they can go see a turtle . . . crazy.
FIL is certainly more sane but very opinionated and loves to tell me how ingorant I am or that I don't know how things are in America (although I've only lived here for 31 years, he obviously knows more than me from his multiple business trips) - or that I not worldly (incident at Christmas had him tell me "Well, all luxury cars are this way - you've driven Mercedes before, haven't you?" ummm, no, I haven't.) I am usually OK for the first few days around him but then I reach my limit and start "talking back" and giving him a piece of my mind. It's not pretty.
ugh.
Thankfully, we are being eased into their presence - Tonight and tomorrow DH has to work late so we are just meeting them at their hotel for drinks - then doing something with them Saturday, dinner, then Sunday, I (and maybe DH) am are going to a Christening in Winona. ILs are also invited (they know the family), but may or may not join us. Then we will do something in the afternoon and I'll make us all dinner Sunday evening.
I keep telling myself that it is only two weeks - and only once a year and that I can do it. I can plaster a fake overly sweet smile on my face and deal with their insults and craziness. I can bite my tongue when they cause a scene or leave a 5% tip (actually, I do speak out then, but bite my tongue when MIL insists that because she is French, she shouldn't be expected to tip). I can indulge their desire to see a turtle or have 5 drinks with dinner. I can turn the other way to hide my embarassment when FIL talks down to the waitstaff. I can do this . . . I think.
And if not, I can do as I did at Christmas - bury my face in a pillow and scream/cry then calmly go back into the room and refill my wine!
Re: Lord, give me strength!
Will this be enough?
Thanks! That should be sufficient to get me through the first day!
awesome pic kizzo!
this would drive me batty too laura. just take lots of deep breaths and say as little as possible so you don't even go down those roads...
and DRINK LOTS OF WINE!
Thanks, lily! Sometimes I have no choice but to drink - if I as for a soda or water they get all uppity because I'm not drinking as much as them so I must be assuming they are alcoholics and blah blah blah. Sometimes it is just easier to shut up and drink!
Don't get me wrong - I do enjoy seeing them. It gives me lots of insight into DH and his upbringing and it is enjoyable to spend time with them - to a point. Unfortunately, that point usually arrives very early in the visit and from there on out, things just go down hill.
Thankfully, DH now sees all the crazy and overly critical elements that I see and so he can understand my frustration (growing up with it, I guess he had been able to tune it out). I feel bad being so critical of his parents (especially his mother's craziness), but it seemed for a while that everyone else was in denial of it. Finally they (DH and his sister, and to some extent his father), seemed to acknowledge it - at least amongst themselves. Now if only they'd do something about it. Sad really.
Nicole and Sam 10/3/09
Yes, thankfully. Even if we had the space, they would probably stay at a hotel because they "don't want to be a burden."
Aaaaah, I have zero advice for you. I still chuckle every time I see you post something because I think about your MIL's dress for your wedding.. and wasn't there something with her lipstick/makeup?
I am incredibly thankful that 99% of the time, I adore my in-laws.
I wish you luck...
jack | born 9.13.12 at 40w4d | 9 lbs 12 oz | 23 in
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Ha! Yes, the dress! The more I think about it, the more I am convinced it was some sort of passive-aggressive revenge for the fact that I had red flowers, not white. Or she was just trying to match my flowers and fell short. Who knows . . . We don't display the pictures so I don't think about it often.
As for the make-up . . . eh, except for clumpy mascara and bright lipstick
, I suppose it isn't too bad. I have certainly seen many far worse! I think it was smeared on her teeth the first time I met her because she was rushing to greet me. Hell, I had just gotten off an 8 hour plane ride and was in sweats -I'm sure I didn't make the best first impression either!
And yes, I am lucky that they don't live closer (although sometimes they talk of buying a cabin here - eek!). My sister has an awful (openly contemptuous) relationship with her MIL and they live in the same town. I cannot imagine! As it is, my ILs are usually 4000 miles away and for the few weeks every year that we see them , I can put on a brave face and make the best of it.
You can do it!
As for the poor waitstaff, I'd probably tip them separately to make up for MIL's poor tips and FIL's attitude.
Thanks, Ladies!
Tonight went well - we didn't get there until just before 9 and I thought they would be exhausted and cranky, but they were in surprisingly good spirits. I did the good DIL thing and brought them flowers, food and drinks (fruit, milk, wine, chips, etc) and they had gifts for DH and I - good whiskey for DH, some little books and of course, his favorite chocolate - REAL Cadbury's! For me they had some cute little things from their trip to Turkey (cookbook, Turkish delights, little crafty/painted things) - and a bottle of Hermes perfume.
The perfume is interesting - Voyage - and it is unisex. Normally I don't much care for the perfume MIL gives me (in large part because she gives me what she wears - Lancome, Hermes and Chanel - all nice labels but these particular perfumes are nms, ya know?) - but this stuff is different and I *might* actually like it. I think it would be better on DH, but it is interesting enough that I might wear it on occasion. It's very woodsy and earthy - Well done MIL!
As for time with them - it went really well!! We had a late dinner at the hotel and caught up. They were both in a really good mood - which was amazing considering it was 3 am for their body clock. MIL was alert, coherent and laughing. She's been having some health issues lately and FIL made it seem so serious over the phone, but that doesn't seem to be the case at all - at least not on the surface. She still has health issues, and has good and bad days, but today seems like it was a good day and I just hope that this good day turns into a good week or two. I know it would make her so much happier and it makes spending time with them so much easier if she is happy.
FIL was tolerable too - he only once started down a potentially annoying road by stating that Obama and the US in general were waaaaay off base to blame the British for the BP oil spill - and that Obama made a big international faux-pas by calling BP "British Petroleum." In part, I agree with him, but he was making it seem very "us v. them" and as it if was instigated by Obama and just another example of American's pointing fingers at everyone but themselves. Again, I agree in part but I still jumped at the opportunity to change topics!
Fingers crossed that the rest of their visit goes as well as tonight!