Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Unplanned pregnancy with multiple complications- ethical dilemma "what if" game
I don't know if this is the right board, but I do think you ladies might have some sound advice for me right and I don't know who else to bounce this off of.
My husband and I want kids someday, but not today. Today I am unemployed, his job is in jeopardy, and our cat just put us $5k into debt (which is totally ridiculous, I know). More importantly, I am on medications that cause birth defects and I have a bleeding disorder that makes pregnancy as a whole super complicated. Also, my mom has an auto-immune disease and my sister has a rare cancer at age 21, so I know our genomic stability is low and thus our risk of birth defects and chronic illnesses is higher. Still, we're hopeful that technology will take care of it by the time we're ready to have kids. If not, we'll adopt.
Our insurance changed so I went to see a new GP so I could get coverage to see a specialist. She was nice enough, but when she saw I was married she immediately warned me against ever having kids. Then I went to the endocrinologist with my sister, and the PA turned to me and said, "You have that radiant pregnant look about you, when are you due?" Of course, I'm (hopefully) not preggers but the combo made me really upset about my options.
I want any baby we conceive, I'm pro-choice but I can't imagine having an abortion myself, not as a happily married woman. Yet, if I AM pregnant or become so without taking the two years beforehand to go off these meds and start taking others in preparation for the bleeding issues, it's likely that 1) the baby would have severe birth defects and 2) I would bleed out during the birthing, c-section or otherwise. An abortion would be safer for me because they can give me medications that would harm the baby if I were actually giving birth. Ugh, I hate even thinking about this, but I can't get it out of my head now!
What would you do? Advice for calming down? We're solid with our birth control but that's not a 100% guarantee, and I should get my period in the next couple of days and then I can stop being panicked...
Re: Unplanned pregnancy with multiple complications- ethical dilemma "what if" game
I feel for you on this one. I have lupus with fibromyalgia and I have been working my way off of my medications since before January of this year. I understand your concern about birth defects. I'm terrified that if I get pregnant before I'm off all my meds that my baby will be adversely affected by my medications.
I realize you are in a panic now. I don't know what to say to help with that, but along the lines of birth control - if you are using medication (i.e. birthcontrol pills), try using the barrier method as well (i.e. condoms/diaphram). I think that could help with putting your mind at ease.
God bless
If you are on some form of birth control, what makes you think you might be pregnant? Have you not been using this contraceptive long or what?
What I gathered from this post is that you are completely overly-worried about a completely hypothetical situation, which is really silly and a waste of time.
Set a timer for 10 minutes and find a comfortable spot to sit down, like on a floor pillow. Close your eyes and focus on deep breathing until the timer goes off.
After that, discuss your BC options with your GYN, if that makes you feel better.
Usually I think it is not necessary to double up on your BC, but if that helps calm you down, then do this for a while.
Hope your cat makes a full recovery. GL
Exactly. People all the time tell me that I have "the glow," but I'm just a happy person. I glow naturally!
To me you have very few options. NO contraceptive is 100% effective; abstinence is the only method that is absolutely effective- especially if you may want to have children in the future. If you are not emotionally ready to accept the fact that if you are having sex you may become pregnant, maybe you shouldn't be having sex in the first place.
Thanks ladies (or at least the three of you with constructive things to say)! I know I'm freaking out and it's ridiculous, but I'm usually not the type to panic so I do need calming advice at the moment!
I don't think I'm pregnant, I mean, really, it would surprise the Hell out of me even if some PA said I was "glowing." I think the bigger issue is that I've always kind of assumed that I wasn't insane for wanting to have kids, and my GP appointment pissed me off! I need to go see my new specialist (who is hopefully at least more tactful than my new GP) and then see a gyno as well I think.
Plus our cat is so dang "special" that I'm really worried about how hard it would be to have a kid that was the same way :-/
What did I say that was not constructive? It was the truth.
Perhaps it was the lack of validation?
That's what I was thinking. I do think it's funny though that people post here just to have smoke blown up their butts, lol.
Did I miss something? All this info and you dont even know if you are pregnant? And the reason you are in this huge panic is because someone told you that you had a pregnant glow? If you wont b3e able to tell for a few weeks, that means you just had a period. You need to get some counseling for your anxiety.
EVERYone gave you good advice even the ones that you didnt want to hear! Puppies and rainbows are on another page.
For real! LOL
I can see your concern as I have been panicked before in your situation as well and I have a friend who I think has something similar to your bleeding disorder and she's been really frightened before as well. It doesn't sound like having a child is physically or situationally the right choice for you and your DH right now.
I don't think being married negates the validity of your worry, lots of married people are not ready for children, being ready for marriage doesn't automatically mean you're ready for the commitments of being a parent.
We're not having children period and so I am on an IUD until DH is ready to take the plunge with a vasectomy, which he's just freaked about because of the issue of pain... Anyway, if we were to become pregnant I'd abort. And I believe whole-heartedly in choice.
I'd make sure you have researched your BC and have a method you are comfortable and secure with and remember nothing is 100% but you're taking responsible precautions and if you were to get pregnant, make sure you've examined your options with your PCP and your DH so you know what you will do, having a game plan even for eventualities is important.
People post on here for help, or constructive advice. You are obviously just pushing buttons.
Did you even read my replies? Nothing that I said was meant to "push buttons;" it was the truth and it was tactful. The OP stated that she is in fact on some form of birth control, and that some stranger's comment made her worry that she might be pregnant. To me, that sounds like the worry of a 15 year old, not the worry of an emotionally mature married woman. I simply said that since she is taking the proper precautions to prevent a pregnancy, if she is not able to live with the fact that sex may lead to pregnancy in any case, that maybe she should consider abstinence. Boo fvcking hoo.
Just wanted to say thanks again for the helpful folks out there* and update that I am, of course, not preggers. I appreciate having a forum for my illogical rantings, it gave me the chance to have a full-on freak out, meditate for half an hour, and then move on completely. I think almost everyone can relate to needing a place to be an idiot everyone once and a while :-)
I also changed my health insurance so I could go back to my old doctors and specialists, which should help me a lot re: feeling confident in my bc choices. They're a lot more tactful about the issue, no one's told me I should never ever have kids, and I appreciate that. F*#$ Kaiser's medical team for thinking its cool to suggest extreme measures and for making insensitive remarks like that PA did! I DO need validation about my health but I think that's understandable given my history of nearly dying from mysterious ailments.
I'm not on an IUD because of the bleeding risks and my having a bleeding disorder, but IUDs are getting a lot better so I'm hopeful that I'll be able to do something along those lines in the next couple of years, once we've come to grips with the health issues our children would likely face.
*(Don't you LOVE how defensive TNChick gets about her replies? Clearly she realizes just how "tactful" her posts are! Good entertainment, though)