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DH wants really long sessions
DH and I are having a disconnect over the length of each session. I know many women would like to have a partner take time for a long session. I would be fine with 1/2 hr or so and have told this to DH. DH thinks even an hour is too short (our usual length is an hour or hour and a half) and tells me this each time. I always finish long before him, and he focuses on prolonging his or pleasing me again. He sometimes tells me something like "I see you are tired, we'll just finish this tommorow" and leaves before coming himself, which I told him doesn't make sense and it makes me feel guilty for not being able to please him.
I also tell him he more than satisfies me with one orgasm, and I don't need more- between work, a 1 yr old still not sleeping, other obligations, etc by the end of the day I am exhausted and just want to sleep! I want to be intimate with him, but I feel discouraged from initiating it when I know he wants such long sessions.
Re: DH wants really long sessions
Ditto.
Past 30 minutes and I am BORED because like you, I usually finish way before DH. He just waits for me to finish and then he speeds up to finish quickly after. As long as I'm done he's ready to go lol.
What comes to my mind after reading this is-
if this is your 1st baby and he is a new parent, perhaps he is struggling or coming to terms with the fact that now there are time constraints aroundtime spent having sex or sessions together and perhaps is struggling with accepting the present, that new wonderful joys are in your life which you can share (new baby)
may i ask, i take it you to the majority of daily childcare for your new baby?
perhaps he is working long hrs, commuting (understandably) and is not present to see what you are experiencing during the day.
i think this issue mostly revolves around new baby, new parent, fatherhood, etc.
perhaps on weekends, he can spend some (more) alone time w/ baby (perhaps situations created in a nice way when you go out to the salon or with the girls or by yourself to the spa), to bond and connect, perhaps this would help him have a better sense of the reality and wonder of your current reality, your beautiful baby which definely plays a role, (I feel) in your "long session" situation...
I'm in agreement with most other posters here, anything more than 30 minutes would be too long for me. Especially with a fianc? whose sleep schedule is so different from mine (I'm usually in bed hours before he is). Once my orgasm is over, I try to speed things along for him so he can finish. I honestly don't know how women can keep it going for two or three orgasms in a row. That would take forever!
It's wonderful that he's so concerned with pleasing you, but try talking to him and letting him know that it's important to you to be able to please him as well. Let him know that it's alright to be a little selfish once you've made sure to please your partner.
Perhaps this is similar to what one of the PPs said about their S.O., that he's craving the intimacy and closeness rather than the actual act of sex itself.
He wanted these long sessions also before DS came along, but then I usually had the energy to stay up. We both work full time, he works from home, and I have a long commute (and yes, when we are at home I am the primary parent.) But, I think either a SAHM or mom who works outside the house is always tired by the end of the day! Thanks for the answers- 30 minutes was my estimate of an average time as well.
Like many things in life sex is usually about 'quality rather than quantity'.....
.....It sounds to me like this man is not getting the quality so tries to prolong the quantity........
same here! lol
I can't imagine going more than 30 minutes unless we're not exactly turned on because then it would take longer to orgasm. That said I usually get a couple in (especially if I'm on top) before he finishes and even with that I'd say we go about 20 minutes on average depending on how long the foreplay is. Also, the few times H has not been able to finish I have felt very frustrated with myself, like I did something wrong. Logically I know it wasn't me, but I guess it's just one of those irrational things.
I do think that what someone else mentioned about intimacy and closeness could be a good explanation for his interest in longer sessions. Maybe he feels you two aren't connecting as much as you usd to due to stress, work, whatever and wants to make up for it by having more time in the bedroom.
I think the long sessions are to help him escape from the stresses of daily life.