April 2008 Weddings
jenth
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I shouldn't be, but I'm nervous...
And I know I'm being pretty lame.
To meet with this midwife center, I made two appointments. One for tonight to meet with the nurse practitioner. It's called "pre-conception counseling" but it sounds like I don't get to ask a lot of questions? I'm not really sure. And I'm kind of bummed because I'd kind of like to meet with an actual mid-wife I would 'take on" as my doctor but I guess the nurse practitioner actually does a lot of the appointments during the pregnancy.
Then in a few weeks we have another appointment to visit the center and that's when we get to ask questions.
I know today is not a doctor's appointment with any type of exam but for some reason I can't shake the nervousness! I am chewing lots and lots of gum today.
Re: I shouldn't be, but I'm nervous...
Try to relax and think of the bigger picture...A baby!!
Don't take this the wrong way though, have you thought about counseling to explore if having getting pregnant and having a baby is the right option for you? There are a lot of children out there that need a good loving home like yours and if you come to the conclusion that you just can't handle having a baby, adoption may be a good option for you...I'll still support you either way and really hope going to this center puts your mind at ease, but I just want to make sure you are also in a place where you can carry a baby (emotionally). It's a roller coaster and even though I feel like i've mentally prepared as much as I can, I'm scared to death at times and get consumed with all the "what ifs."
I've gone to counseling with several different people about the needle phobia. Honestly, the source of my problem is my inability to relax and I just get really worked up (i.e. shaking when they draw blood, etc.). But I haven't been able to find someone that I connect with, psychiatrist wise. In fact, the last one stressed me out MORE. I would leave her office and get optical migraines because I felt so stressed out. (She also ended up saying that if I don't learn to relax on my own there is no way she can help me, and that was my last session with her. I had one scheduled after that and canceled it.)
I was thinking about trying hypnosis but I'm not sure how to go about finding someone or what credentials they would need...
Dave and I have talked about adoption. I guess on one hand I feel bad because I know that it's so hard sometimes to adopt, especially if you want a baby from the U.S. Long waiting lists, etc. So is it really fair of me to prevent someone who can't have children just because of a fear of mine? I feel like such a moron about the phobia...
Plus Dave would really like (and I agree) to have a child and watch them grow up and see your own genes in the child. My mom had one of my sisters when I was 16 and it was so cool to see her grow up and you can see my traits in her as well. I dunno, I just loved it.
I'm really scared about the 9 months, too, and Dave and I have talked about it. I'm an emotional person to begin with and I'm worried how I'll react with added hormones raging, etc. So yes, I agree with you there, that... I don't know how to put it. Pregnancy in general completely scares me. I've said to my mom before, I want a kid but I don't want to have a kid.
Part of this is just kind of stream of consciousness. Thanks for your response- and don't worry, I didn't take it the wrong way. I guess it feels like a cop out to adopt if I could perfectly well have a baby. I have a few friends having fertility issue (in addition to some of the girls on here) and it makes me feel that much worse about my own struggles, that I'm being a big wuss.
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I finally came up with the word I wanted to say when I first posted this. Instead of lame, I'm being irrational. I know in my head that this is all irrational but I can't keep myself from getting nervous.
And that one counselor, even if she stressed me out more, she had a good plan of attack once I learn to relax. I really liked it. Desensitization- you list out things on a scale of 1-10 that scare you (i.e. a picture of a needle being 1 and getting blood drawn or a shot being a 10). And you start at level 1 and work towards not getting nervous/worked up about it. When you're ok at that level, you move up to the next level. And in some cases you would have to move back down but I guess it's a proven method. I think that would work for me if I could learn better how to relax.
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Desensitization/Flooding Therapy has a great track record of working, but you do need to find somone you like. When you find therapists, are you calling them and talking to them about what you are looking for or are you just going in and meeting with them? You may want to consider a phone interview of sorts with them and let them know specifically what you are looking for and if they don't feel they can help you, ask for a referral. You can also get a pretty good vibe from someone over the phone. Don't feel bad about taking up their time. You need to find the right person and not waste resources while doing it. This may also be my bias (as a social worker), but look for someone who is an LCSW, not an MFT and not a PhD. LCSW's all have consistent educations and are more well rounded (in my opinion, anyone reading this who is an MFT or LCSW please don't flame me!!) in their ability to take on different approaches and tend to be more creative and not so by the book with treatment.
The other thing that came to mind while reading your post was what about contacting a Doula in conjunction with a therapist (sign a release for them to communicate together). The Doula could help you with relaxation techniques as well.
Wow you just threw out terms I didn't know. I'm writing this down right now.
So far when I've gone to someone it's been based on the recommendation from a friend. The last one, she helped a co-worker who was having some massive panic attacks. But it really takes someone you personally feel comfortable with.
What's a Doula?
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Wow, I googled LCSW and immediately found a BUNCH near my house! I'm going to change locations and see who's around where I work.
And I looked up doula. I've never heard of that before... That's something to at least consider!
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I am so happy you are looking into the future baby Jenth! lol You are just looking into it....no needles or blood today. It will all be ok!!!!
oh jen! ::::hugs:::: i'm so proud of you for going tonight.. is it going to be just you and dave and the NP? if so, you may be able to squeeze some answers out of her if you have any (haha.. we know the truth
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i second what becky said... no needles today! and i love that alicia is such a great resource for all of us! there's a bigger implication to this than "man, i am terrified of needles" and i think she hit it right on the head..
praying for you!
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