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FaceBook

This is a hard subject. My husband and I both had fb and I thought it was great until.....some women from his high school (20yrs ago), posted flirty post. My husband of course not realizing they were not respecting the fact he is married, posted back. You get the picture right? Well this goes on for a couple weeks and I had my fill by then. We argued agreed to just get rid of it all together. Send my friends and family a message with my email and let it go. But my husband almost seems resentfull, like he liked the attention or connection?? What ever, had to protect out marriage, because these things open a door, that is hard to close.

Re: FaceBook

  • this seems like a trust issue, not a facebook issue. 

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  • imagetak277:
    This is a hard subject. My husband and I both had fb and I thought it was great until.....some women from his high school (20yrs ago), posted flirty post. My husband of course not realizing they were not respecting the fact he is married, posted back. You get the picture right? Well this goes on for a couple weeks and I had my fill by then. We argued agreed to just get rid of it all together. Send my friends and family a message with my email and let it go. But my husband almost seems resentfull, like he liked the attention or connection?? What ever, had to protect out marriage, because these things open a door, that is hard to close.

    I'd have to see the posts on FB to determine whether they are uncalled for or not.

    Anybody can say "Hey, babe, love ya....glad to see you on FB" or whatever.

  • Wait... so you both canceled your FB memberships entirely just because some random woman from your S.O.'s past started posting flirty comments? Have you two ever heard of blocking? It is possible that he resents having to completely get rid of his entire FB account just because of a silly couple of posts. Or maybe he just resents that you don't trust him.

    ...Or am I reading that post wrong? I'm a little confused about this.

  • I would be pissed if my husband made me get rid of facebook just because he felt threatened by some internet stranger.  I would feel as though he didn't trust me and as though he didn't feel he could communicate with me.  And then I'd probably turn around and get another account behind his back because I'm childish that way sometimes.  I'd end up feeling guilty about it and canceling it anyway, but still...

    Did you talk to your husband about your concerns with this internet lady before you forced such a drastic decision on him?  Did he attempt to defriend her or block her posts?

    Why were you feeling threatened by internet flirting?  Is the chick attractive?  Was she an old high school flame?  Does he carry a torch for her still?  You do realize that if he really wanted to contact her again, he would find a way, right?

    Canceling both accounts over some chick with flirty tendencies doesn't make sense to me.

  • I would resent you for making me get rid of my FB, too.  I think you crossed the line.  All he had to do was either de-friend her or block her.  Not hard.  You showed your little green monster and punished him for something he didn't do.  You owe him an apology. 
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  • Well... call me crazy, but I would have done the same thing. Been through the same situation - and if there are past trust issues then this was the best solution. Better to protect your marriage than to have a Facebook in my opinion.
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  • Yes, because getting rid of facebook will make him a much more trustworthy guy. That is the most asinine thing i have ever heard. If there are trust issues it has nothing to do with facebook and does nothing to solve the issue at all. It isnt a solution it isnt even cracking the surface.


  • imagekbhaynes:
    Well... call me crazy, but I would have done the same thing. Been through the same situation - and if there are past trust issues then this was the best solution. Better to protect your marriage than to have a Facebook in my opinion.

    I equate this to sweeping something under the rug and then running away from it.  When it comes down to it, the dirt is still there, you just can't see it anymore. 

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  • I'm confused by this.  Was it flirty and inappropriate, or did he not realize that it would upset you?  I don't think it can really go both ways - either he was participating in something that wasn't right and knew it, or there wasn't anything overtly wrong with what was going on yet it upset you anyway.
    image
  • Isn't it possible that when he sent out his mass message with his email...that he sent it to her?

    Might as well get rid of all email...hell get rid of internet....in fact move to Amish country, that way its not at all possible for some randomly floosy to ruin your marriage. 

  • imageHeather0614:

    Isn't it possible that when he sent out his mass message with his email...that he sent it to her?

    Might as well get rid of all email...hell get rid of internet....in fact move to Amish country, that way its not at all possible for some randomly floosy to ruin your marriage. 

     I don't know.  I've heard some of those Amish women are pretty hoochie-esque.  Wink

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  • OP, this is somewhat ridiculous. I honestly can't say that I wouldn't have questions about my marriage if my H made me delete my facebook under the circumstances that you stated.
  • imageiluvmytxrgr:
    imageHeather0614:

    Isn't it possible that when he sent out his mass message with his email...that he sent it to her?

    Might as well get rid of all email...hell get rid of internet....in fact move to Amish country, that way its not at all possible for some randomly floosy to ruin your marriage. 

     I don't know.  I've heard some of those Amish women are pretty hoochie-esque.  Wink

    Shoot thats true.  They start showing their ankles and its all down hill from there. 

  • imageHeather0614:
    imageiluvmytxrgr:
    imageHeather0614:

    Isn't it possible that when he sent out his mass message with his email...that he sent it to her?

    Might as well get rid of all email...hell get rid of internet....in fact move to Amish country, that way its not at all possible for some randomly floosy to ruin your marriage. 

     I don't know.  I've heard some of those Amish women are pretty hoochie-esque.  Wink

    Shoot thats true.  They start showing their ankles and its all down hill from there. 

    Scandalous!!

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  • This is ridiculous. You are way too old and (supposed to be) too mature to really believe that a facebook account is a threat.

    I would resent you too.

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  • Man some of you girls are b.r.u.t.a.l....very much so. Isn't this place about helping and not bringing others down. I know sometimes life calls for the hard raw truth, but telling this woman that almost all of you would resent her over a facebook account....a FACEBOOK account...is completely stupid and ignorrant. I love facebook as much as the next person, but in the end, it's just facebook girls.

    If it was me, I wouldn't have came to the conclusion of deleting the whole accounts either. You have to look at it from tak277's perception.

     Men like attention. Especially from other women. It makes them feel like they still got it. Even though, their wives should be enough...enough to fullfil their desires their wants. Maybe it's deeper with your husband, I don't know.

    If my husband had that happening to him, and he replied back...I wouldn't be very happy either...it's only sending the message to that woman that he might just be interested in her...especially if it had been going on for weeks. And that leaves an open door for the woman to think and act on that. And that, I believe is what tak277 was trying to prevent. Even the best of husbands will slip up and cause havoc in a marriage, same for women too. It's not easy being a man now days with women dressing the way they do. There are a lot of issues that boil down to cause a man to cheat, but whatever the reasons, they can be prevented. I would suggest talking to your man, nicely...and try not to argue. Just let him know how you feel about the situation and how him...especially...responding to the woman's post make you feel. Talking out situations rationally is better than lashing out irrationally and possibly leading the way for your significant other to harbor angry or resentful feelings.

    In the end, just talk openly with your hubby. They should be understanding in how you feel...they should be compassionate and loving towards your feelings. If they aren't, then there is something from blocking that connection with your husband. I would suggest talking to someone, the both of you, that you both like and trust in their oppinion.

    Best of luck with what you are going through and no one should resent you for canceling a freakin facebook account. No one...it's just childish and dumb...if getting a hold of someone is just sooo damn important...it's called a phone call or a knock on the door people....get with it ladies.

  • That's too bad that you and your husband are having issues with trust. Maybe you could talk to him and tell him that it makes you nervous and insecure when he talks to other women. You could let him have a facebook account but maybe agree on some limits. You could see how he feels about sharing a password. If he does agree to this, you need to remember to respect his messages, and don't delete them just because you don't like them (unless maybe it's a random hot girl). If a girl continues to send your husband "flirty" messages you can block her or delete her as a friend.

    But really, you need to discuss the trust issues in the relationship. Maybe think about counselling. Good luck!

  • Been there, done that. RED FLAG about trust... Guess what? I didn't listen to all the brutal posts I got and turns out a majority of them were right! He cheated and I'm divorced. Lesson learned. You need to grow up a bit...deleting Facebook won't do sh!t. You have trust issue, plain and simple. Until you get those fixed you'll never be happy. Starts with facebook, then emails and wondering if he's chatting on the side with them, browsing history, checking the cell phone, wondering what female friends he's messing around with... It's miserable. I agree with pp's who say facebook is the least of your issues. But my first instinct was to call MUD so...
  • imagekjalmanza:

    Man some of you girls are b.r.u.t.a.l....very much so. Isn't this place about helping and not bringing others down. I know sometimes life calls for the hard raw truth, but telling this woman that almost all of you would resent her over a facebook account....a FACEBOOK account...is completely stupid and ignorrant. I love facebook as much as the next person, but in the end, it's just facebook girls.


    Are you actually that stupid?  Nobody is being "mean" to her for just the fact of making him delete facebook.  It doesn't solve the issue that he was having contact with this girl.  It also doesn't solve the issue that she obviously doesn't trust him.  

  •  This is a matter of trust? You are in panic mode over some women from 20yrs ago saying hello?

       You are either a control freak, insecure or thrive on made up drama. 

        Grow up you whiner. 

  • To me if you can come to a joint conclusion about any social networking site that works for your relationship then that is great. For some Facebook is addicting, that's why if there is an issue it should be addressed. Why do you absolutely have to have it?  Also why would you be mad or resentful if your spouse asked you to get rid of it? To me that is very childish and the sign of a guilty party. If a concern like this arises I think it deserves some type of conversation to dissolve the issue.  Do not most vows say your marriage is between two people. Not the friends on Facebook as well.

     If it is a problem I would suggest getting one TOGETHER. If you both have nothing to hide then it should not make a difference. If you need so much freedom with social networking why get married?  I also believe that people used phones, letters or face to face meetings to keep up with old friends and family.  What is wrong with doing that now? Also it is not anyone's place to tell someone how to handle their relationship and call them names because the way they live is not up to your standards.

     

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  • I may be the only one that understands u. Seriously the same thing happened to me in July and I looked past it and bad things did happen. Honestly closing out my fb page and my husband doing the same has brought us closer although at first it was weird and boredom took place bc we were so consumed in this stupid website but now things are so much better then they have ever been, it'll get better just stand ur ground and forget fb. Good luck and I'm here if u need anything or just want to talk.
  • MY H AND I SHARE A FB ACCOUNT. THIS HAS WORKED OUT WELL FOR US MOST OF OUR FRIENDS ARE MUTUAL FRIENDS AND IT ALLOWS US TO STAY TO CATCH UP WITH THEM. WE BOTH REGULARLY CHECK IT AND EACH OF US RESPONDS TO VARIOUS POSTS FROM OUR FRIENDS. WE EACH READ ONE ANOTHERS MESSAGES & THIS HELPS TO KEEP IT COMFORTABLE FOR US. WE HAD SOME TRUST ISSUES IN THE PAST, BUT THIS HAS ALLOWED US SOME BALANCE. 

    PERHAPS IT COULD WORK FOR YOU. TOO. 
  • imagetiana&paul:
    MY H AND I SHARE A FB ACCOUNT. THIS HAS WORKED OUT WELL FOR US MOST OF OUR FRIENDS ARE MUTUAL FRIENDS AND IT ALLOWS US TO STAY TO CATCH UP WITH THEM. WE BOTH REGULARLY CHECK IT AND EACH OF US RESPONDS TO VARIOUS POSTS FROM OUR FRIENDS. WE EACH READ ONE ANOTHERS MESSAGES & THIS HELPS TO KEEP IT COMFORTABLE FOR US. WE HAD SOME TRUST ISSUES IN THE PAST, BUT THIS HAS ALLOWED US SOME BALANCE. 

    PERHAPS IT COULD WORK FOR YOU. TOO. 

    exactly what i was going to suggest

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