Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
how often
how often do you have sex?
i feel like we dont have enough. When we first stared we had sex like 3 times a day now that we are married we barely have sex. like once or twice a week. and some weeks we dont even touch each other. We have only been married for 5 months! i have no doubt he loves me but i feel like he doesnt "want" me anymore
Re: how often
Our schdules make it hard. DH works from 4a-1p and I work 7a- 4p. DH goes to sleep around 8p so fitting it in between getting dinner going, cleaned up and the million other things that always need to be done sometimes gets in the way. Every week is different. Sometimes it is once a week sometimes it is everyday. Just depends how tired we each are.
thanks
i just felt that we werent "normal" newly weds. We do spend alot of time together and enjoy it but we are always tired i want to have more sex but i am not always interested
Dh and I work opposite schedules so that we don't usually need a sitter for DS, so we actually have the schedule "sex nights" on nights we are both home. Which are typically Tuesday nights for sure and then we squeeze it in whenever we can or are not too tired. Average for married couples is 2-3 times per week. We are pretty satisfied with at least once a week but we like more of course! Its just we are SO busy, tired, over worked. But if we plan that "sex night" we are guaranteed to get it at least once.
And its actually not as boring as it sounds. When Tuesday is getting close and when its actually here you get SUPER excited knowing you'll get some later lol.
H and I are also very busy. I love "scheduled sex"! The buildup to it is half the fun. Usually H and I like to send texts throughout the day back and forth reminding eachother what is to come.
My Goodreads Read Shelf
* After 22 months and 2 failed IUIs, we finally got our BFP *
DS delivered naturally at 41w6d on 4/18/14
OMG.
I feel awful after reading people's replies to this post.
For the past year or so I've "suffered" from total lack of a sex drive. Seriously, it's ME not him. He could have sex three times a day (except when his favorite team is playing! haha) But me? I could do without it! Seriously!
This month we've had sex once.
This is where you gasp and think I'm an awful wife. I know, right? Ugh... We cuddle and kiss and hug a billion times a day, and every night... but the actual act of SEX just doesn't excite me at all! I used to like it! I think it's boring, and kind of painful, honestly. I don't like the cleanup and I am way too tired at bedtime. When we do have sex, it's mid morning or mid afternoon. (Which really limits the work week)
I'd like to get it to once a week, but I feel like I'm making myself do it, and that sucks.
If sex is painful and boring, maybe your sex drive isn't necessarily the problem. I wouldn't want to have sex either if that's how things went every time. If you're not having orgasms either during or before/after sex, I could see why it would be boring. If there isn't enough foreplay involved beforehand and you're not turned on before sex starts, that would explain the painful, but there are other possiblities. I'd make a new post about this. Some people on here would have good suggestions.
Get it while you can. We have a 9 mth old baby and that has definitely made it more difficult. Especially because the baby hasn't slept through the night very often. Though things have settled down as the baby gets older and we get to more often now. We are averaging probably once or twice a week now.
BTW, I bought Men are From Mars Women are From Venus In the Bedroom and I love all of the advice in that book. I very highly recommend it to everyone.
we've been married 9 months and are the same way. Reading about all of this "scheduled sex" is sounding like something we may have to try. My H and I both have stressful jobs, but he suffers from decreased sex drive, always has.
I have been married 4 years now,My Hubby and I use to have sex all the time, I mean ripping off cloths, spontanious, FUN.(before his last deployment) Now i am lucky to get it once a week. Everytime i start to rub on him or TRY to have some kind of forplay, he says he is too tired. most of the time when I do finally get it, its when he is drunk. Now i do understand that he works from 4am-7pm, military....grrr. But i have needs also! Now i am at the point where i dont want it, I dont even want him touching me. He never kisses me anymore, unless i make him. He is against showing any kind of affection in public, I feel like he dont want me. I am worthless to him. I plan to take him out and have someone watch the kids but he moans and complains about it, so i just forget about it and pick up the kids. I am 23, he is 27, there is no reason i should have to buy me a toy just because i cant get the real thing. What should i do?
I don't know if what I say will help, but I can tell you I know exactly how you feel. In just over a week my husband and I will have been married for one year. Four to five months into our marriage we had the same issue and it was nearly catastrophic to our relationship. I felt like I always wanted it and he almost never did. I stopped asking because I was tired of being rejected...yes rejected! I was actually told no. I became angry and hurt.
I'm sure this all sounds like bad news to you, but it is not. The fix is not easy, but it can be done. We took a couple weeks apart, I stayed with family and so did he. When we came back to each other and our home we had a discussion on the topic and everything our marriage meant to us. I explained how I was feeling and asked how we could work together to fix it. Believe it or not, he may not know there is an issue. We now how sex several times a week. Good luck! If you have any questions, let me know.
The only problem I am having is that I have opted to go stay with family just to give us a break and to think. He tells me everytime that if I need to go somewhere to think then we shouldnt be together.He swear if i leave, That it will end in a divorce. I dont know how to handle this situation. I love him more than he could ever know. We have even tried a marriage counsler, but he said that counslers are people who cant fix thier own problems so they try to solve everyone elses to find some kind of satisfaction.
i know how that feel but for me that not ended well. i got married when i wa18 to a 21 he "loved " me but never tried to help our relationship i ended up "taking a break" and never went back to him. i eventually found the one.
i hope it works out for you i really do