Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
What do I do....
Hi - lurker here. Well, I've always "faked it" with my DH (and other guys) and I'm not sure how to transition out of this. I can reach the O by myself, but am way too embarrassed to demonstrate to DH. Any other suggestions?
Re: What do I do....
Why did you feel the need to fake it? You did those guys and yourself wrong. Instead of lying to them and faking it, you could have been working on trying to figure out how to get off. Part of the fun in having sex is trying new ways of getting off and getting your partner off.
You need to fess up and let your H know. He's going to be hurt and a little angry. I'm sure y'all can work through it.
If you will consider a male perspective.........
Your best course is a 'tactical lie'......not difficult seeing as you have consistently 'lied' to him for some time in faking...!!?
When you have sex make it obvious to him that you are having difficulty in reaching an orgasm and let him know that you ".....don't know whats gone wrong"..... After several apparently unsuccessful and frustrating sessions, get him to bring you off by showing him a method that "might work". After he gets used to you "having difficulty" he will be pleased that the two of you are working it out and getting somewhere using a method that works for you,.... and then he will be ready to incorporate your 'get off' method into your normal sessions........
.....It's downright devious but it would save SO MUCH hurt and grief.
If you are too embarassed to show our H, you really are too imature to be married.
Don't tell him you've been faking it!!! that'll just hurt him and really won't help either of you IMO I'm liking the pp's guy perspective though of letting him know during the next time that you need more help this time reaching 'O' and show him something new that he can do to help.
I might say something like, "it didn't happen that time. Maybe we can try something else?" And then experiment until you can figure it out.
A friend of mine has never O'd with a guy, but with her new BF they are determined to get her to. Toys get used a lot.
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No, not everyone fakes it. I make a point not to lie to my husband. To fake it would be lying to my husband. I've had several partners over the last 17 years of my life and I've never once faked it. I actually don't know very many people who have. And, yes, my friends and I are pretty open about those things.
I agree. Not everyone fakes it. IMO I think it's just stupid... you're cheating yourself out of enjoying sex and if you can't tell your husband what you like and how you like it I think there are a few more issues then you faking it...
There's nothing harsh about it. You know when I faked it? When I wasn't mature enough to have an actual conversation with now-DH about what I needed. Fortunately I grew up, got over myself, and talked with him. If you can't get up the guts to have a frank discussion with your spouse about what you need to be sexually fulfilled, you need a maturity check.
No, OP, you're not alone, but you need to get a grip and show your DH what you need. I wouldn't tell him you've been faking it all this time -- talk about a confidence-breaker! -- just show him what works for you. If you can't get past your embarrassment to do that, perhaps you need to rethink whether you're really ready to be in a sexual relationship with anyone right now.
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What a horrible situation to be in -- it would stink to have to fake it forever. Don't tell the DH that you've been faking it all this time -- that would be just disasterous. He'll feel so terribly hurt, and likely take it personally. If you can reach the O yourself, you clearly know what makes you tick. The best way is to say you read somewhere it can be pretty intense if you give yourself a hand while you're having sex with him and you want to try it. Do that, and when you O, enjoy it, and tell him it was amazing, put the focus on how he's great, and he'll probably not mind you doing that in the future. He probably just wants to please you -- doesn't matter if you give yourself a hand. From there, just start experimenting together -- try new things, and give him positive feedback when he does something right, and guide him to the right place when he's doing things not so right. That's my suggestion