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my sil (kinda long!)
I dont know how many of you know the back story but basically my 19yr old SIL's bf is a big ol semi controlling douchebag. Ever since he got back with my SIL and moved into my IL's house (yeah they let her 17yr old bf move in bc he got kicked out of his own house) I really dont see or hear from my SIL much. He basically sheltered her and she wasn't "allowed" to come hang out because he felt weird being at her house alone and lord only knows why he wouldn't just come hang out at our house. Anyway... He went to marine bootcamp back on 8/9 and since then has been writing letters to sil and tell her and some of his family that he wants to get married as soon as he gets back.
Ok, I know thats how the military peeps somehow do it.. i have a lot of military wive friends who got married and pregnant at young ages (some lasted, some didn't) but COME ON SIL! This boy just turned 18, last year around this time he was calling SIL fat and uglier than her sister (she has since lost weight without excercising...HMMM???) So my SIL casually mentioned to me the other day that they want to go to the JOP and get married when he graduates bootcamp and that he wants a baby really bad (even tho she just terminated 1 a few months ago).
I really dont understand what she is thinking.. First she's a mommas girl, wouldn't even go away to college bc of her depression issues and bc she didn't want to be away from her family.. i think she's just assuming that he'll get based in NC and thats still not THAT far. Then she hasn't even finished school... she also still lives at home.. doesn't pay for anything but her car payment.. not car insurance, school, nothing. WHAT IS SHE THINKING!? I feel like she's makign a big mistake and being blinded by love. Does she even realize that once shes married that daddy cuts her off financially?
I just feel like shaking some sense into her! I dont trust this guy at all.
Re: my sil (kinda long!)
Oh, man. To me, from what you've said, it also seems like he's very controlling which is a huge red flag...
What are your parents saying to her about all of this?
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For serious. What is she thinking? I feel like she's not really going to realize any of this is a bad idea until she's in too deep. But it doesn't hurt to try to talk her out of it. He's still go what like another month left of boot....then he'll get like the weekend off and then he'll have to report to some kind of training for some time for his job. So hopefully there won't be time to head to the JOP after he gets out of boot camp and that'll give her longer without him and maybe a chance to realize she'll be better off without him....
And also, the base in NC is that far. It's a 6 hour trip from Virginia and you're what like 3 hours from me? And I'd advise her against wanting him to get stationed there because that's where they deploy units from - if you're stationed there you've got like a 90% chance of going over. The safest place to go? 8th and I in DC - it's the base that does all the military funerals and guards at Arlington and they do parades and stuff. They don't go anywhere.
Apparently he wants to be a career marine engineer or something of that nature. And she of course has it "all planned out" once he finds out where he's being stationed and all. I've been trying to talk her out of it for months. I just dont think she realizes what it means to be legally married to this kid. Hell, get engaged first! Find out what it's like to live on your own, paying your own bills, cooking, cleaning...she is barely surviving with him being at bootcamp.what about when he's overseas?
I know part of it is all learning on your own and she's going to do what she wants but I would really hate for her to go through with getting legally married and then finding out thats not really what she wanted.
I hesitated on saying it in my previous response because I think it's kind of negative... but it's really up to her and sometimes people just aren't going to realize that they're on the wrong path and have to see for themselves. I know how hard it is to have to sit back and watch it...
But my advice would be, try to talk her out of it, between you and your parents, but don't go so far that she gets mad and wouldn't feel like she can come to you for help/advice later. Because if she goes through with this, she's really going to need her family there to help her pick up the pieces.
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~~~MARRIED BIO~~~
Yes they definetly brought up some good points/advice that I'll be sharing with her. She's just very stubborn about the whole thing...you know, she's a 19 yr old know it all....and him forget about it.
Oops, Pammy, SIL! Sorry, kept mentioning your parents. No wonder you didn't respond to that.
Still the same advice for you though. Does she realize how much the military moves around? Has she ever talked to anyone in the military?
I looked into the Air Force out of college and they will do anything to sign you up- promised me I could pick where I went and not move around... but I found out (luckily before I signed up) that you can't choose where you go and almost everybody will move around quite a bit.
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ahaha no worries i figured same advice
And yes, even my military friends have said that the recruiters told them anything to get them to sign up. She is only right now talking to our other cousin who is 20, marrying her BF of 1 year who is in the marines already so she doesn't have that much experience. They really think they know it all. My MIL doesn't have much to say but "whats the rush?" and my FIL hasn't said anythign yet bc I dont think he realizes what is going on yet. She hasn't mentioned anything to anyone except for a few people.. of course everything is a secret from dad. no idea why my MIL hasn't talked to him about it
Ah, ok! Hmmm... maybe ask her- if she doesn't feel like she can tell everyone about this, isn't that a sign that maybe it's not a good idea?
I feel for you guys. But I also (kind of) know what it feels like in her shoes. Not the same situation. But I got married really fast and way too young (the first time), hadn't even graduated from college. It was a big mistake and there were so many red flags it wasn't even funny. But honestly, you could have come up and hit me on the head and I would have denied it all and said I knew what I was doing! I had this romantic vision of marriage and how it would be, so stupid. My parents kick themselves now that they didn't try more to deter me but I keep telling them it doesn't matter, I wouldn't have listened.
I think you need to try for your own peace of mind and I definitely feel for you. But don't kick yourself if you can't convince her. I also feel for her. But sometimes (and it was the case for me), you have to learn the lesson the hard way. And it IS hard.
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