Oklahoma Nesties
ShansBride
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
s/o crappy dad post
the other day I saw someone put on FB something about how she doesn't understand why a woman would stay with a man who didn't change diapers and other women chimed in that they would divorced their husband if he didn't change diapers since it is his kid too.
wdyt?
Re: s/o crappy dad post
If the husband is pulling his weight in other areas, then the mother needs to suck it up and realize that diapers aren't the only area to helping with a child.
Yeah, it sucks to change a shitty diaper day in a day out, but it's just really not that big of a deal. If the dad is attentive, helps with other things and is willing to pull his weight in general...I'd probably get over the power struggle over a diaper.
That being said--I would probably be very annoyed if Tyler didn't help with B's diapers once he got home. It IS his child too, and I expect him to help with any area that needs to be taken care of if he is available. He'd never let B sit in a wet/dirty diaper just because he didn't feel like changing it, or it was "my job". Now if that is the case, I could see why a woman would be in fits over it.
I'd be annoyed, but it wouldn't be grounds for divorce. When JJ was little little, H hated changing his diapers - and he wasn't really good at it, either. We worked on it, but I mainly changed the diapers and H did the dishes, washed the bottles etc. Once H felt more comfortable changing diapers, we'd switch off.
Definitely all about balance. I'm not a fan of washing bottles, but he didn't mind. He wasn't a fan of changing diapers, but I didn't mind. In our house, win-win.
My H doesn't change diapers. If he is alone with the kids and M needs her diaper changed, obviously he doesn't make her sit in it until I get back, but if I am there he won't change her. At first it made me mad, but then I got to thinking about all the nasty things I don't have to do. I don't pick up the dog sh!t in the backyard. When V clogs the toilet with an entire roll of toilet paper, I'm not the one in there with a plunger. I don't take out the trash. I don't take out the compost. When the dog kills an animal I don't have to deal with the body. He does his fair share of gross stuff too!
I also think it is interesting that I hear women talking about how great their husband is because he changes diapers, but would you hear a man telling his friends how great his wife is becuase she changes them? Very interesting I think.
You know really it's not that big of a deal to me. If he changes them that's great but I'm not going to raise a huge fit over DH not changing a dirty diaper. I know he would step up and change M if he had to.
I think it's over the top to claim you would divorce someone because they won't change a dirty diaper. I think I remember my mom telling me that dad didn't change any one of our diapers. This is were you need to pick your battles.
You know what? I realize this may be the minority opinion, but I would give two options in this case: diapers or counseling (and possibly divorce though I just can't fathom it would even get to the counseling stage.) DH and I are VERY egalitarian. We don't have "his chores" and "her chores." We just do things together and/or alternate. Last night, for example, I mowed while he sprayed the entire lawn and then he did dishes and mopped while I cooked. Next week we'll likely alternate.
There are some things that one of us is better at or prefers (I like to clean the kitchen but he likes to clean the garage, so we each choose to do that) but it's not like one of us is doing gross tasks routinely while the other has to do something unpleasant on rare occasion.
I think the diaper thing would be such a sticking point for me because it would be representative of a fundamental change in the man I married. I'd never say, "I don't DO killing spiders" or "I'm not putting new chlorine tablets in the septic tank. That's man's work." So for him to say (verbally or otherwise) "I don't DO diaper changes- that's woman's work" would totally undermine the foundation of equality our marriage has been based on for the last 7 years.
And, no, he doesn't get (or expect) some kind of reward for this, because we just view it as "fair." I'm not saying we have to alternate every other diaper. That doesn't seem realistic. But, just like some couples have a system that works for them in that he does this and she does that, our system has always been that we trade back and forth on stuff. If that radically changed for some reason, I'd need to know why.
If DH decides to SAH, then obviously he'd do diaper changes during the day and I'd do them in the evenings while he did other chores (laundry, etc.) that he wouldn't be able to get done during the day with an infant. I'm not sure what we'd do in the middle of the night---alternate nights based on my work schedule, maybe?
OMG. You took my words completely. We both do an equal share of all chores. I mow, I clean toilets, I kill spiders and so does he... we don't discriminate and I would expect the same of kids. Hubby cooks 3 nights, I cook 3 nights and we eat out another. There are no chores in our home (or tasks) that I don't perform as we even it all out. I love it this way due to "gray" areas such as this.
The other day I replied a similar synopsis of this and a lady laughed, she said gutter cleaning was a "man's job", I was offended, just I am sure dh would be offended if someone says his cooking was a "woman's job."