Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
WWYD in this situation?
I stopped by Sonic this morning on my way to work. There was a homeless man (or he appeared to be homeless) going to each car. He came over to mine and asked if I had any trash he could throw away for me. I politely said no. Then he asked if I would be able to get him something to eat. WWYD in this situation? Buy him something? Tell him you can't/don't have the money? I'm just curious.
Before I was leaving I heard one of the Sonic carhops yelling at him telling him to leave or she would call the po-lice (that's how she said it, emphasis on the 'po' hehe). He said to her "God bless you, have a good day" and walked away. I understand that they don't want him bothering their customers, but she was just so rude to him. I know I don't know the history between him and the store, but I just thought she could have asked him nicely to leave instead of being a jerk about it.
Kaylee & Cole 06.14.08
8/6/11 First 5k! OG&E Expo Run 34:47
9/3/11 Brookhaven Run 5k 34:18
9/17/11 Healthy Sooners Fun Run 5k 33:38
10/15/11 Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 33:31
10/29/11 Monster Dash 5k 32:06 PR!
11/11/11 Veteran's Day Run 11k in Dallas 1:13:15 Instant PR!
1/28/12 Texas Half Marathon 2:38:03 Instant PR!
3/25/12 Earlywine Dash
Re: WWYD in this situation?
I would have bought him breakfast. It's good karma
I'd like to think the carhop would be nicer, but without the back story (e.g., this may be the third time in an hour she's asked him to leave) it's hard to judge.
Oh, man. Well, I never give stuff to people (I'm always afraid I'm going to be the one person who gets my wallet or something snatched) but there is never an excuse to be rude to homeless people for no reason. I think if it would have been me, I would have said, "No, I'm sorry, I can't help you right now." I can understand how he would be bad for business, and it does seem kind of manipulative for him to pick a drive-in where you're stuck, but she didn't need to yell at him. A simple "I'm sorry, you can't do this here, please go to another location" would suffice.
It's rough, though. I hate when I get asked, and I know d@mn well where my next meal is coming from and I'm in my air-conditioned car. It's rough out there for some people, and I'm very thankful for the opportunities that I've had to not be one of them.
Pretty much this. I don't think I would have acted the same way as the carhop, even if he'd been hanging around for a while, but then that kind of confrontation just isn't my style.
I wouldn't have given him money, but I might have ordered him something to eat. I think though, I would have told them that it was for the guy sitting at the table or something and let them bring it to him. I don't know though, I had a friend in college who dated this guy who used to be homeless and panhandled and stuff. She said if people gave him food he usually didn't eat it, but if they gave him money he bought beer. Totally changed my perspective becuase he said he wouldn't eat the food so the beer would hit him faster when he drank it.
Sounds like the carhop was rude though. She probably could have been nicer about it.
I've never been in that situtation before but I think I would have bought him something. I think it was really rude of the carhop to yell at him. If anything the manager should have came out and handled it if it was causing a problem.
On a related note: I can't stand when I am walking out to my car and someone comes up to me in the parking lot asking me for some money. It always freaks me out especially if I have M with me.
I bought him a couple of breakfast burritos. He stood closer to the front of my car when he asked, so I didn't feel too threatened since he wasn't right at my window. And after I asked what he wanted, he just paced around the middle part by the tables until she brought it out.
The carhop made me very mad, I know they don't want him to scare off the customers but I'm way more likely not to go back because of her, not because of him. I agree with pp, the manager should have gone out there to speak with the man instead of a carhop yelling across the parking lot. Oh well, the man got his food.
Kaylee & Cole 06.14.08
8/6/11 First 5k! OG&E Expo Run 34:47
9/3/11 Brookhaven Run 5k 34:18
9/17/11 Healthy Sooners Fun Run 5k 33:38
10/15/11 Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 33:31
10/29/11 Monster Dash 5k 32:06 PR!
11/11/11 Veteran's Day Run 11k in Dallas 1:13:15 Instant PR!
1/28/12 Texas Half Marathon 2:38:03 Instant PR!
3/25/12 Earlywine Dash
I don't think I would have bought him anything. For one, there are fast food restaurants hiring like crazy in the area I live in. I probably would have directed him to apply at one of those places OR visit the numerous shelters/charities we have that work on cleaning people up, helping them find jobs, and basically get back on their feet. The people who don't try one of those two are options are not trying to help themselves at all in my opinion, therefore I don't want to enable them to continue that lifestyle by buying them food/drink or giving them money.
I donate to the charities that help those in need get back on their feet, so I guess that's my way of 'giving' to the homeless or those in need.
I do agree that the carhop should have handled the situation a little better. He is still a human being, not a dog to 'shoo'.
I think you did the right thing buying him breakfast. He did ask specifically for food and not money, so you know he was eating. Although I only go to church about once a year, we went last week and the preacher was talking about grace, and he used giving to the homeless as an example. I've been thinking about his message ever since.
I think you should call the manager of the Sonic and complain about how the carhop acted.
I hadn't thought of that, I might do that.
I've been reading a book called Irresistable Revolution and it talks a lot about homelessness and it's something I've really been thinking about lately too. I thought it was awesome that I got the opportunity to help someone out, even though it was just something little.
One of the radio stations I listen to has a thing they call "Make a difference Mondays". It's just to encourage people to do something for someone else that will make a difference in their life, whether it's big or small. Something simple they suggest is paying for the food for the person behind you in the drive through at a fast food place. It's nothing big, but it surprises people and maybe it'll cause a chain reaction. I always want to do it, but I always forget. For me, if I'm willing to buy someone's food who has the money, why not buy food for a homeless person?
Kaylee & Cole 06.14.08
8/6/11 First 5k! OG&E Expo Run 34:47
9/3/11 Brookhaven Run 5k 34:18
9/17/11 Healthy Sooners Fun Run 5k 33:38
10/15/11 Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 33:31
10/29/11 Monster Dash 5k 32:06 PR!
11/11/11 Veteran's Day Run 11k in Dallas 1:13:15 Instant PR!
1/28/12 Texas Half Marathon 2:38:03 Instant PR!
3/25/12 Earlywine Dash
I would go to Brown's Bakery to get donuts for newspaper sales at school in the past, and once in awhile a homeless person would ask me for some. I'm a terrible person--I didn't give him any.
The owner would always go and run him off.
I've been approached by a lot of people asking for food or money, and I rarely give. I'm probably going to hell, but there are shelters and places for them to get food, and they should explore those options.
I would not have bought the man at Sonic any food. They probably run him off every day.
Okay...just another perspective here.
If the person approaching Kaylee's car is legitimately homeless...let's think about how he could have gotten there.
People are not homeless by choice, and they certainly aren't doing it for attention or to try to get you feel sorry for them. The guy asked for a MEAL, not money, so it probably indicated that him or someone in his family needed food and his mission that morning was to get it for them.
True homelessness (I'm not saying the people who panhandle and then get into their Lexus) is usually a result of multiple things: little to no education, mental illness, addiction, etc. They aren't homeless because they're simply lazy in most cases.
Think about this, too. Many homeless people DO have a full-time job. They work for minimum wage (which is still not enough to get by) and pay taxes on their income. So you make minimum wage working full time? That's around $250 a week. Or, after taxes, around $8-900 a month. Could you live on that?
All it takes for someone to lose their life is one hardship. A family member getting sick, an injury, a broken air conditioner/water heater...and they're up a creek. It's not like they're going to have an e-fund from working minimum wage. People of all social classes have to buy the necessities, and when diapers are $20/pack, that's very stressful.
Yeah, maybe most of the people asking for money and all of that jazz are just wanting to screw you. But if they're asking for a meal? Give the benefit of the doubt. You're not going to have any harder of a time that month by buying that person a couple of items off of the dollar menu.
Also--shelters are not always able to help everyone. They're sometimes full and they run out of food. So you get to the shelter and you're not able to eat? You're probably going to go looking for some nice person at Sonic willing to buy you a couple of burgers to feed the family that you have living in a shithole apartment a couple blocks away. It's sad, and I've seen it.
ETA: http://www.cityrescue.org/compassion-card This would also help the person realize there are resources out there that can help them.
Well-said, Boymom. You are so, so, so, SO right. I can't stand people who think that homeless people chose to be like that, and who say stuff like "Get a job" or whatever to them because they think they're lazy. All it really does take is one hardship that you're not prepared for, and man, you can lose it all. Again...well-said.
I agree, very well said. And it makes me sad to think that most homeless people don't have family or friends that they could go to for help. That would just be awful. And like boymom said, most of them have little education, mental illnesses, and/or addictions. How many places do you think would hire someone who doesn't have a permanent address, doesn't have any education, and has some sort of mental illness? I doubt they'd even be able to get a job at most McDonals's, gas stations, Dollar Generals, etc.
Kaylee & Cole 06.14.08
8/6/11 First 5k! OG&E Expo Run 34:47
9/3/11 Brookhaven Run 5k 34:18
9/17/11 Healthy Sooners Fun Run 5k 33:38
10/15/11 Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 33:31
10/29/11 Monster Dash 5k 32:06 PR!
11/11/11 Veteran's Day Run 11k in Dallas 1:13:15 Instant PR!
1/28/12 Texas Half Marathon 2:38:03 Instant PR!
3/25/12 Earlywine Dash
Here's a third to that. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt since I have no idea what circumstances may have let them to their current situation. I can't even imagine what a rough life it must be to be homeless, and I have a hard time believing many people would choose it out of laziness. For someone who is uneducated and has no support system, all it can take is one personal catastrophe or bad choice to put you with nowhere else to go. And a lot of shelters and organizations won't help single men. And as far as the idea that the guy should just go apply at some fast food places - who is going to hire someone to work in food service who hasn't bathed in who-knows-how-long and doesn't have the option to do so on a regular basis?