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I need help!
Hi everyone,
I have been married for about 4 months now and I love it so much! We have so much fun together and have a good sex life for the most part. I am in graduate school right now so usually our schedules are the exact opposite. By the time I get home from school he is asleep watching tv or already in bed. We still try to find time to have sex, but I recently discovered how much porn he looks at when im at school. I got on his computer one day and saw it in the history on the computer. Im not sure what to think about this. I look at porn sometimes too, maybe once or twice a month, but he is looking at it like 3-4 times a week, going to multiple sites. I havent told him I know about his little secret, but im just confused. Are we not having sex enough? Why does he need to look at porn so much? Should I be worried? Is this normal for men? I dont know if I should confront him? Im not really mad about it, but just confused. Im lost on how to deal with this, any suggestions?
Re: I need help!
Since you also look at porn, I'm guessing you don't have a problem with him looking at it. The problem is that he's looking at it, and your schedules aren't allowing you to have as much sex as you'd like, right? When you do have it, is it as good as you remember? No weird changes on his part? No huge credit card charges that can't be accounted for?
If the answers to all those are good, I'd guess he's just missing the frequency you had been having sex. I know I look at/read more porn when H and I are going through a dry spell. The only suggestion I have is to take more advantage of the time you do have together. My H is in bed before me more often than not, and I don't do it all the time, but he's never been upset at me waking him up for some sex!
It doesn't sound like he's addicted, I thought there was usually a huge financial problem when someone was addicted to porn. I don't know, I've never dealt with it.
As far as how much is too much, that's something you'll have to decide for yourself. Once you do, I'd talk to him. Maybe tell him that you realize he's going to look at porn, maybe cut back a bit, especially when your sex life has taken a hit lately because of your schedules (I'd make sure to blame it on the schedules, so he knows you're not blaming him or the porn).
You really have nothing to worry about. Your husband isn't abnormal and all guys do it. Guys like porn. That's just how it is.
Also, men are very visual when it comes to sexual stimulation. I would say three or four times a week is normal. Guys need to release the poison (H's term) on the regular. Porn is his substitute because you're not available.
If you decide to speak with him about it, you should tread lightly. He'll know that you were looking through his browsing history and he might get the impression that you don't trust him. Also, he's still going to look at porn, he'll just delete his history when he's done. Do you want a husband that feels he has to hide things from you?
I would just let it go. Your husband is totally normal
I agree with JenGin. I don't really see a problem with this. Think about it in terms of how often the average guy masturbates/wants to have sex per week, and 3 to 5 times a week doesn't really seem that excessive to me. I would think it would only become a problem when you start to suspect that the porn is replacing your sex life, which from what you've told us doesn't sound like the case. It just sounds like he's relieving some tension while he waits for you to come home.
If it really bothers you, then try just asking him whether he thinks you're having enough sex, and if not, try to work out something to increase the frequency. I'm not saying bend over backwards to please him, but maybe if you're really worried about not having sex enough, this might be what you should talk with him about. I wouldn't confront him about the porn. Guys and girls watch porn. That's just a fact. And how often/what kind is different for everyone.
I agree. Men are visual and like to watch women have sex. Lots of women are very visual and like to watch people have sex, as well. He might not even be "using the porn" for it's intended purpose, he might just be watching it like it's Family Guy for him. Who knows? Men are weird. There's about a thousand free porn sites out there, so there's no reason for credit card charges. If he was feeling guilty, or doing something bad, he'd be erasing his history so you'd have no clue what he was doing. I really think your marriage is in no trouble over this.
hopefully we have helped you here! i also agree, MEN LOVE PORN!!!! most will even admidt to their wives, sex is all they think about. it took me a loooooong time to come to terms with this. my dh and i have been together since we were jr's in high school, thats 23 years!!!! and i just started believing that it wasn't just him with a high sex drive, about 3-4 yrs ago! it's all men. they are just little boys in grown up bodies who have simple minds. and truely easy to please. all they need to thrive are food, beer, and sex with a little ESPN thrown in there!
don't try to read too much into the porn he's looking at! it's totally normal, and hey, look at it with him! you could possible open up a whole new chapter to your relationship!!!!
when he starts looking it up on his phone on his way to pick up pizza, then you might consider it a problem. 3-4 times a week is nothing to a guy. 2 hours at a time is nothing. they will never see that there is anything wrong with it, and the best thing you can do is keep your nose out of it to keep yourself from getting hurt or reading too much into it. its just the way life goes. i doubt you will find a man that would not do that. just remember, he doesnt want you to be those girls he watches, he loves you for being you, confident and sexy.
p.s. the local websites are a pretty common pop up when you visit those kind of sites, so i wouldnt stress about it.