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He Just Won't Put Out!
I am very new to the Sex board, so please be patient if at some point this topic has been already covered.
Does anyone else have a male partner that has absolutely no interest in sex? I'm almost certain that my issue is some-what original, so any advice would be appreciated.
We have been together for over a year now. In the beginning few months, our sex life was normal and promising. Shortly after, he was showing less and less interest in sex. No sex, no 'fooling around', sometimes there would be no physical interaction of any kind for DAYS.
We're not even married yet, and our sex life is already a flop! We have had a lot of talks about the situation, and his response is always: "I'm just stressed; I have a lot on my plate; I'm just not feeling it tonight; I have to get up early; we're expected for dinner..." You get the picture.
The worst part is, I can't even change his mind! I've try massages, strip teases, starting without him, and even giving him subliminal messages while he sleeps. I've gotten some advice from friends, but nothing has turned out successful. If you've got any suggestions, I would get very glad to hear them : )
Thanks for reading!
- B : )
Re: He Just Won't Put Out!
When you say no sex, no fooling around ... for how long do you mean?
I hate to be the jerk to say it -- any reason to think he's cheating?
He should go see a doctor. Sometimes there are medical reasons for male decreased sex drive. If he's fine medically, then I'd suggest you both go to counseling.
I definitely think something's wrong. You shouldn't be sexless a year into a relationship. If nothing works or if he's not at least willing to try, I'd leave. Relationships aren't all about sex, but it is a necessary component.
And ditto Tiki. Could he be cheating?
I agree with Tiki and Jen. Something is up. It sounds like you are doing a lot on your part to keep it alive, or at least give it a heartbeat. There is something going on with him chemically, emotionally, mentally, or in the worst case, unfaithfully.
My suggestion is that you start to go to an outside source for help. A doctor can help with the stress and can give you a recommend a good therapist for you two.
Also it sounds like he is stretched for time. Have you tried sex appointments? I know it sounds silly but it really works if you guys chart out a day or time ahead of time when both of your schedules are free. Plus the build up of looking forward to that day really gives it some excitement.
YOur relationship's run its course.
Do the right thing and say goodbye to this gent. It simply was a relationship that didn't have staying power,
Who cares what the issue is? DTMFA.
He knows that you want sex. He makes excuses, postpones and avoids sex with you. If he were depressed, he could acknowledge it and get help. If he were having ED problems, he could acknowledge it and get help. If his sex drive had just dropped off for some medical reason, he could acknowledge it and get help. But he doesn't care enough about your physical relationship or your own needs to do it.
Move along to a guy who cares enough to be with you. Consider yourself lucky to have figure this out before you married him...think about being trapped for 50 years in a sexless marriage. EEEEEKKKKK!!!
Your advice always rocks. Just wanted to throw that out there.
Every time we have a 'dry spell', they tend to get longer and longer.
And you're not being a jerk by suggesting he could be cheating, I was looking for responses and I got plenty, thanks! I know for a fact that he isn't cheating (as certain as I can be). It's just not in his nature to do something that would hurt me like that.
Thanks for the input! : )
After reading all these amazing comments, I have realized two things:
1- I've done all I can do to help the situation; and
2 - It's time for him to step up and find a solution, because you're all right, you can't be happy in a sexless marriage, and if he cared about me enough to be worth marrying, he would find a way to make me happy.
I'm very thankful to have gotten some new responses and fresh ideas.
Thanks everyone!
- B : )
I'm glad you got some new insight. I hope everything works out for you.
*>blush<*
Do you know if he can get it up? Because that was my first thought that if he can't get it up (even when you are stripping for him) then he might just be too embarrassed to tell you about it.
I disagree a bit- she is still attracted to him, and trying very hard to connect physically. He may have a medical issue that embarrasses him so he makes excuses instead of admitting to this "weakness". DH and I went through a phase like this while he was working 80 hours a week, he was having stress-related ED but it took him a long time to own up to it! One would hope that if he was done with the relationship he would man up and end it already!
How is everything else in the relationship? Has his behavior changed in any other ways? I think PPs have given you solid advice in either case.