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My MIL-- the (very long) story
Let's see, where do I begin? There's just so much to tell.
Okay. When I first met Matt's mother, she seemed like a sweet lady. I remember leaving her house after meeting her for the first time and saying "Awww, I like your mom!" Little did I know...
Matt's parents got divorced when he was 4 (he's the oldest of 3 kids), and he grew up thinking that his dad was a horrible, womanizing alcoholic who didn't care about his kids because that's what MIL told him. (His dad is actually a very kind, well-meaning man.) She stopped working about the time Matt left for college, supposedly because she was "so sick." Now, doctors have never been able to diagnose her with a problem, and several actually implied that it might all be in her head. She can't qualify for disability (she's tried twice), but she lives on some other kind of government assistance. She doesn't have a car and lives in a very rural area.
We thought she was just lonely and a little emotional. It seemed like she had some sort of weird, junior-high type phone and email relationship going on with their former pastor, but whatever. Then, about six months after Matt and I started dating, the pastor took out a restraining order against her. She later violated the PFA and was court-ordered to counseling, but they let her pick her own counselor. She has no problem acting normally when she needs to, so she somehow got the counselor to give her a clean bill of mental health.
She's very good at manipulating her children; Matt now realizes that she's not actually sick and that this is all an elaborate act to get attention and control people, but it took years for him to get it (his brother still hasn't figured it out). She would "get sick" and have no food in the house (the grocery store delivers her food to her, so this is a load of crap), and she'd call Matt so he would have to come up and run errands for her.
Matt and I went to NYC a couple of years ago for the first few days of our vacation; then we were coming home and going hiking and stuff for the rest of the week. While we were gone, she called an ambulance and had herself taken to the emergency room for no real reason so we had to take a day out of the middle of our vacation to take her to a follow-up appointment. Last fall she did the same thing in the middle of football season (Matt was coaching) and we had to go to the hospital and pick her up to take her home (the doctors couldn't find anything actually wrong with her, so they just hooked her up to a hydrating IV).
Anyway. She was a complete nightmare during the wedding planning process. She wouldn't lift a finger or contribute anything financially, but that didn't stop her from trying to control everything. She made my life and my MOH's life total h3ll over the bridal shower; she was completely obsessed with it and started harassing me about it literally at Thanksgiving. She kept telling uninvited people about the shower, pretty much verbally inviting them without permission, and then she got upset when we explained that we couldn't afford to double the guest list. (She threw herself a big birthday party at her house a couple of years ago, so it's not like she was incapable of throwing us a shower at her house if she really wanted to include dozens of people Matt and I barely knew.)
She called Matt literally four times a day about the bridal shower-- a
girls-only shower that he was not even attending. BIL and his wife live 7 hours away and BIL's wife had a commitment that weekend, and MIL lost it over that. She sent BIL's wife a birthday card with a nasty letter inside, telling her how she HAD to come to this shower because it was a family obligation (her own daughter, SIL, RSVP'd "maybe" and then never showed). She STALKED our registry; she would call Matt at least once a day to tell him what I should be putting on it or what I shouldn't have registered for. She herself gave me a crap-tastic decorated "basket" full of cheap old-lady toiletries.
The final straw, though, was when she left me a voicemail describing her dress for the wedding (I had asked for a description of it so we could order the corsages). She said that it was white, pink, and green. I knew that she had gone to JCPenney's, so I found a pic online, went home, and told Matt that this was not okay. He asked her to please wear the other dress that she had purchased on the same shopping trip-- same style, but in brown, blue, and green (it even matched our wedding colors!). He explained that we would really prefer for me to be the only one wearing white, especially because my dress was off-white, very simple, and I wasn't wearing a veil.
So, here are the three of us after the ceremony:
We had a very casual reception in a park building, and the caterers were only there to serve, so our folks all pitched in to clean up. Except MIL. She stood there in the middle of the building, turning so her back was always to the guy she's been divorced from for 25 years, and watched everybody else gather up leftovers and clear up.
Whew. Feels good to vent all that every once in a while. If I thought that she was really mentally ill (we did think that for a while), it would be different, but it has become increasingly clear that she just does whatever she needs to in order to get attention, especially from men. She's absolutely in control of it; she's just selfish through and through.
Re: My MIL-- the (very long) story
smh, smh, smh
I just can't believe some people. It really shows you that misery loves company! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this!
Wow, I am sorry you have to deal with that.
My father is very manipulating and tricks people into getting what he wants out of them and has been doing it my entire life. Hence me not really having a relationship with him. It's amazing how some people think that they are just above the rest of us and don't have to abide by the laws and rules that the rest of us do.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this but I can somewhat relate.
My MIL is on disability (after a breakdown after H's brother got married 13 years ago!) But she's a complete attention getter. Now that we are married and have a baby on the way, she's been even worse. Two weeks ago she landed herself in the hospital with kidney and liver problems because she's been ODing on Vicodin, Celebrex, Advil, Aleve, etc. H had to drop every to deal with this and be by her side for two weeks. Then she wanted to move in with us! He was going to let her! Thankfully I have a wonderful SIL, whom I talked to and found out that this is exactly what happened 13 years ago and MIL ended up living with them for 1.5 years and made her life miserable! Needless to say, she talked to H's brother who convinced H not to let her move in here. But we went to her house yesterday and it was TRASHED. I mean maggots, half cooked food in pans in the freezer, dirty dishes in cabinets, it was awful.
They've never diagnosed her with any sort of mental illness, but she was able to get on disability years ago, and now she apparently plans on pulling this stunt everytime she's not the center of attention.
All I can say is GOOD LUCK!
Two words:
Train. Wreck.
It really sucks when you have to deal with people like this, it sucks even more when they're family and you can't get away from them. I wouldn't have stood next to her in any photos. Did you say anything to her about her dress? I would NOT have been able to stop myself from snarking at her.
Makes me glad my inlaws live a plane ride away.
Wow, Jennifer, that whole story sounds familiar! My favorite part is that your BIL's wedding was the debilitating event! I'm so glad to hear that she's not going to be moving in with you; I can't even imagine what that would be like, especially with a baby coming.
My MIL is a pretty lousy housekeeper, too, though nowhere near that bad. In the early days, when I honestly thought she was sick, every visit involved Matt doing her laundry and vacuuming and me doing a week's worth of her dirty dishes. She just throws the old newspapers in the middle of her living room floor and leaves them there. We finally stopped picking them up. We no longer do any housekeeping when we're up there (Matt will still put in the window air conditioner and stuff, but that's about it).
Jehawley, I did not say anything about the dress to her. I pretty much didn't talk to her because I wanted to enjoy my wedding day and it was pretty easy to avoid her. In the pics with her, though, if you look closely, you can see that my body is kind of edging away from her, even when my head's inclined to Matt! LOL I did manage to prevent her from getting any pro pics of just the two of them. Except for the shot of BIL walking her in, I'm in all of the pics of her, and I know that bugs her, because the bride is always the focal point in a wedding photo.
I'm not going on the assault, but I am completely done with biting my tongue and rolling over when she's flat-out rude. I'm sticking up for myself from here on out. I don't care if she hates me, and I know that Matt will love me and pick me no matter what. So she can suck it up and come to my house for Thanksgiving and make nice to my cat (she hates animals) and talk smack about me behind my back if that's how she wants to roll.
what is smh?
You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."
KELLY!!! Show the picture of the basket!!! The one with the swans, right???? Or was that someone else?
I remember said basket OMG it is horrible! The dress I remember from when she bought it. Insanity ... Can I tell you these stories make me very happy that my MIL lives in Mass n I live in Vegas. Hang in there you are only at the begining of MIL hell. My ex mother in law my children call ***. That is all I will say about that...
The basket:
And thanks for the ray of hope, Pam! LOL
I'm really sorry you're having to deal with someone like her! I don't know how in the world you do it, this makes me extremely thankful I love my MIL.
I remember that basket.... there are no words to describe it
omg i remember that horrific basket! EEEK! Those swans bring back memories of pillows my mom had like 50 yrs ago! LOL
I thought my mother in law was bad, jeez kelly. You poor thing. I'm glad you are willing to stand up for yourself and that your HH is able to now see through her antics. It took my HH a long time to see through it too for his mom. Its hard because its their mom, but when do you say enough is enough. I try to keep contact limited with mine as much as I can without being a total b*tch.