Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Bringing up sex life gracefully?
I am wondering how to bring up with my wife how Im not happy with our sex life. Recently our sex life has dwindled down to about once a week, and when we do have sex it feels like the same old thing, almost like checking an item off the to do list.
So how do i convey to my wife I want our sex life to improve without making her think that all our relationship is, is sex to me? How do I do it without putting pressure on her that there is some sort of quota she needs to fulfill?
Re: Bringing up sex life gracefully?
Make it romantic if she is the romantic type.
Set up a nice bubble bath with candles, the fancy crystal goblets and a nice bottle of wine. Get an ipod; add some mood music you both like.
How can she resist?:)
Then invite her to join you.:)
Bring up the issue with her in a completely non-sexual environment. My husband and I seem to have long winded, intimate conversations during off times, like during a long car ride, hiking, during a completely non sexual time. We seem to communicate well then. We minimizethese possibly very serious/possibly heated conversations while we are hanging out in bed together, or on the couch watching a tv show we like, etc. Let her know that you have been nervous to bring it up because you DON'T want to come across the way you described above. Just be honest with her and let her know that you want to improve things together because you love her. Who knows, maybe she feels the same way and has been concerned about bringing up the issue too.
Hope this helps, GL!
Ditto the non-sexual environment for the conversation. Nothing puts people on the defensive more than being confronted in their bedroom. That room should be your refuge from the world.
So, do some thinking...during what times in your relationship did you have more sex? Did you have more free time, less work pressure or no kids? What did she respond to the most - romance, passionate intensity, relaxation?
What do you want from your sex life? More frequency? More variety? More intensity? More intimacy? Take some time and figure it out so that you can bring some solutions to the table.
Instead of broaching the subject with "You never wanna have sex with me anymore" (because whining is NEVER a turn on) try coming from a positive angle like "The other day I was thinking of that incredibly hot sex we had on our last vacation. It was so amazing. I think we should be having more great sex like that. What can we do to make that happen?" Then listen.
Perhaps she is feeling overwhelmed with housework, so hire a housecleaner every two weeks to take care of the big stuff.
Perhaps she would feel more sexual on vacation. Perhaps you guys can plan a night away at a local hotel to get away from the same four walls.
Perhaps there is a medical issue. Perhaps she has noticed a drop in her sex drive and it is making her feel weird about herself. Ask her if she wants to change birth control methods. Tell her that you will happily wear a condom for a month or two until the new method is effective.
Create a "Honey Do Me" jar with different sexual fantasies on slips of paper. Draw one out every so often and make it happen.
Be willing to change your sexual style to see to the sexual satisfaction of your partner. She may not be willing to have sex with you very often because she isn't getting a lot out of it. Ask her for two things you could do to make sex hotter for her and be committed to doing those things for her. Perhaps she wants to try a vibrator in bed but didn't want to ask. Perhaps she wants more oral sex from you but you had shot her down once and she is self-conscious. Perhaps you are the guy from the post down the page for whom sex means a marathon session of 90 minutes or more. Be willing to change your style a bit and she might want sex more.
DaringMiss,......your replies are always head and shoulders above the rest on this board!.........
......I certainly wish i was married to a woman with a mind like yours..,
Dear wife,
I love having sex with you. Lets do it more often
Love Husband
I agree with Ang.
But, I would like to add that if you mention something about pleasing her as well and strengthening your intimate bond that might help. Im just trying to think of what I would like to hear if I was in this position.