I need advice, please!

vmiller_21 · September 2010

I have owned a horse since I was 16 years old and have been at the same stable since I was 14. My first horse, and first love of my life, passed away this past January. He was my best friend and it was a horrible death. It really tore me up for a while. I then adopted an ex-race horse in April, because I needed to be with horses again to feel normal. The lady who owns the barn, I'll call her T, was there for me during Pepper's illnesses. After I brought home Velvet, I really began to feel like things changed between T and I. She wouldn't say a thing to me when I saw her at the barn. When she had something to say, she would tell my mom, even if I was standing right beside her. She started coming around recently and telling me things to my face, but it's always negative or a counter to what I am doing/saying/riding. My mom and I are worried, and have been for a while, that our horses are living in unsafe conditions. We asked T if she could fix the horses' lean-to because nails were sticking out of it. She put mud over them... Obviously, that was a very temporary fix. The fences are electric wire and the strands are not being pulled taught any longer- nothing is being done about it. Part of the metal lean-to actually peeled back and can catch on the horses as the move past. It "can't be fixed." There are other things, but you get the idea. Also, IMO, her husband should be banned from being near any animals. I have occasionally seen him be very severe with some horses and it scared me. Sunday, my mom and visited a barn where a couple people we know board their horses. The lady gave us a tour and I think we want to move there this weekend. I am afraid that the longer we stay at T's, the more likely it is we will end up with a huge vet bill. Problem: T is very sensitive to people "attacking" her. She will take our move extremely personal. She is also very vengeful. She can talk bad about people like no other. I have no doubt she will do to me like she's done to others. But- she had a bridal shower for me, came to my wedding, my high school graduation... I have known her for 8 years now! I am really not sure how I can best tell her that we are leaving. I kind of feel doomed. I don't want to burn bridges and I don't want to hurt her, but at the same time, my horse is not safe there! Nothing will ever be done about it either. I was thinking about "We love this place and don't really want to leave, but we are going to S's because we feel the horses will be safer there." Does that work? I'm sorry this is soooo long! But we are hoping to leave Saturday and let her know tonight what is happening, as she doesn't know yet. My heart is pounding just thinking about all this. Please let me know what you think.

vmiller_21 · September 2010

I just realized what a depressing post this is. Sorry guys

elishabelle · September 2010

This happens a lot. Honestly, you don't have to give her a reason. She'll probably ask for one, but since all of the reasons are personal, you might want to leave it at: It is a decision that I've been thinking about for awhile and now seems to be the best time to make the move and tell her that you'd rather not discuss it further.

It sounds like she is either letting the barn go to shambles or may be in some kind of financial rut where she can't pay to have things fixed. Either way, that doesn't create a safe environment for you or your horse. Barns are a very social place and I hope you've found a barn where you feel you belong. Best of luck!

vmiller_21 · September 2010

elishabelle:
This happens a lot. Honestly, you don't have to give her a reason. She'll probably ask for one, but since all of the reasons are personal, you might want to leave it at: It is a decision that I've been thinking about for awhile and now seems to be the best time to make the move and tell her that you'd rather not discuss it further.

It sounds like she is either letting the barn go to shambles or may be in some kind of financial rut where she can't pay to have things fixed. Either way, that doesn't create a safe environment for you or your horse. Barns are a very social place and I hope you've found a barn where you feel you belong. Best of luck!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I think I like your explanation better. And I really think I could be very happy at the new barn! You have no idea how much your answer has helped me. If we lived any where near close to one another, I'd ask you to come ride at the new place with me I feel a little more like I'm gonna be okay now. *Hugs!!

elishabelle · September 2010

Glad I could give some helpful advice.

mrs.jesse · September 2010

You may have already spoken to her, but I would consider not telling her until the last possible moment - almost like just before you are going to move your horse. I hope it goes well for you, you definitely need to do what you feel is best. Good luck.

Lil Lar · September 2010

I agree with PP you don't owe her an explanation even though you may feel like you owe her one. Also, there is nothing wrong with being honest about the whole situation, its not that you are moving out of spite or anything like that, it a legitimate concern that you feel your horse isn't safe. It is your horse, and its your decision in the end. You MUST do what is best for your horse, and what is in their best interest. She may be mad yes, but she should have done a better job taking care of her facilities and providing the best care for the horses there if she didn't want something like this to happen.

I would just be honest and polite with her, and thats all you can really do. If she gets mad about it then she gets mad about it, but if you are honest and nice to her about it instead of saying something like "your place is s*** we are leaving" (which I doubt you would do haha ) then you can't make her not be mad about it ya know. I'm glad you found another barn to keep your horse at though! Let us know how it goes

GracefulMeadow86 · September 2010

agree with all pps. she doesnt need any explanation from you. its a business and sometimes people change their minds and you lose customers. maybe there is something else going on in her life that caused all the changes to the grounds and care for the horses...who knows.

you do what you have to do to keep your horse safe

nyrek · September 2010

I agree with all PP...and just wanted to say I'm so sorry your going through this. It's like changing daycares for your kids!!! You have to do what's best for you and Velvet. Plus if "T" is known for how she talks about other people, even if she says crap about you...I'm sure most people wouldn't put a whole lot of stock in it.

Good luck with all this. Lots of good nestie vibes coming your way.

vmiller_21 · September 2010

Thank you all for your advice, your answers were so true. It is a difficult thing to change barns, it's kind of stressful, but I know I need to do the best thing for Velvet. I'm not doing it to spite anyone or in spite of everyone, it is just time for it to happen.

I forgot that T is going out of town for a few days, so we have decided to postpone our move. It would be unfair to leave while she is gone, and I don't want her or anyone else to think we chose to purposely leave without her knowledge. She is coming back on Monday, so I guess we try for next week. I will definitely let you ladies know how it goes. Thanks again for helping me to think clearer about all of this. You guys are amazing

I need advice, please!

Re: I need advice, please!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards